Flying to Minnesota

We fly out tomorrow to Minnesota to visit family and friends. My husband was born and raised in southeastern Minnesota and I grew up in central North Dakota. However, I also consider Minnesota home because I spent part of every summer there at my grandmother's lake house and most of my extended family are still there. Anyways, to get back into the Minnesota "mindset" my husband rented the movie "New In Town" http://www.newintownmovie.com/. If anyone out there is from Minnesota or North Dakota you really need to rent this movie. It is hilarious. Well maybe if I still lived there I would not find it so funny but after moving away I can now hear the accent (anyone from up north will tell you that they do not have a accent) and fully understand the subtleties of the culture. To bad they actually filmed the movie in Winnipeg, Canada instead of Minnesota and they claim that one of the main characters moved to New Ulm, MN for his wife to get treatment at the Mayo Clinic. Well, they should have looked at a map because New Ulm, MN is nearly 90 minutes away from Rochester, MN where the Mayo Clinic is located. See now I am getting defensive of the state. I do miss some aspects of the "northern lifestyle" but I definitely do not miss 60 below zero windshields and mosquitoes that are so bad you cannot go in your own backyard in the summertime. Well, yeah ya betcha, here we come! I am glad that while there we will be able to visit my daughter's biological cousin. It is so cool to see those girls together, they are beautiful.

Let's Dance!

Apparently May is National Fitness Month so here is my little blurb on how I stay fit. About 3 years ago I joined Jazzercise. This was a bit out of character for me at the time. I am not a fan of exercise. It's not that I do not think exercise is important, I just get really bored by it. I also am not the most coordinated. And so it was by some urging from a fellow graduate student that I attended a free Jazzercise class. One class and I was hooked. Jazzercise is the only organized form of exercise that combines cardio (dance, aerobics, and kickboxing) with strength training and stretching to effectively work every muscle group in 1 hour. And the best part of it, is that it works my brain to! I know that stress negatively impacts our brain similar to advanced aging but thankfully research has also shown that exercise, diet, and challenging brain tasks also can reverse the damage. I am mentioning this now because I took a 3 month break from Jazzercise class in order to have the extra time to complete my dissertation. I started back up again this month and wow I cannot believe how out of shape I became! I am having to start back at it slow because my muscles seem to not be liking this whole idea of exercising again. But my brain loves it! So in summary it is just one way that I keep moving and keep looking on the bright side. So I am sending out a little kudos to the Jazzercize people: http://www.jazzercise.com/ Let's dance!

Accepting Life

We have experienced some misfortune today, and without sharing the details with the world, I will just say that I have found myself in the position of asking "Why me?, Why us?, Why? Why!". Grief and loss is a powerful thing, it can pull you down and some people never get back up again. Today I found myself wrapped in fear and despair. I let it in, felt it's power, and then kicked it back out again. I know to many people who have let grief, sadness, and fear overtake their lives. Somewhere along the line I decided that I was not going to be one of those people. I am good at researching and this is what I do when I face a problem. I look for a solution and I keep looking until I find one. As a psychologist I tend to believe that things happen the way they do for a reason, that A leads to B. But I also fully know that very bad things can happen simply because you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Afterall, I am pretty sure that God never promised that life would be easy. For whatever reason bad things do happen and when they do we can't just give up.

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
Helen KellerUS blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

How is the Adoption Going?

This is my last week at work before summer and so the conversations go with coworkers who are moving on to different places for the following school year. A couple times the question of "How is the adoption going?" has come up. My answer is never simple. I try to explain that I am hopeful, that we are open to gender and age under 3, but that we really can't pinpoint a timeline and that this process is very different from our last adoption experience. I have been feeling a bit more anxious as of late, since the Ministry in Rwanda who approves families for adoption put into requirement three new procedures. I think that the requirements make complete sense and if I was a country official responsible for approving parents to adopt children I would want the same information. The only hard part of it is that our dossier has already been in Rwanda for 6 weeks today. And so it goes, the new forms are in the mail today to our agency. They will need to get certified in D.C. and approved at the Rwanda Embassy and then they will be off to meet our other documents in Rwanda. I did speak with our agency coordinator today and he was reassuring regarding our "case" as the state of CO does conduct a thorough home study. Of course as a expectant mom I am still worried. So please pray for our case and for the Ministry's office in Rwanda who has the very difficult job of looking over all the paperwork and deciding the outcome of each family.

Vent: Money, Money, Money.....

So you know that song "Money, money, money, it's a rich man's world"? Well it was ringing in the back of my head today. I am by no means "rich". Both my husband and I have chosen to pursue a higher education while racking up school loans. To add to it neither one of us chose real lucrative professions. Don't get me wrong, we do fine and are definitely middle class (wealthy by world standards). We have run the numbers and we can definitely afford to provide for four more children. I am prepared to purchase two more sets of clothes, pay for two more sets of medical bills, feed two more mouths. So why is the whole money issue bothering me today? Well for one we are van shopping and are having a very hard time finding a low mileage van with the accessories we want (roof rack, towing package, etc.) in the price range that we can afford. I was really excited to find one in another CO city on the Internet yesterday only to find out that it had just sold a few days ago. Then after finding that out I called our home study agency to see if they have signed our new post-placement supervision agreement (because Rwanda now requires a post-placement visit at 2 years home). When I called I found out that we owe them another payment to pay in advance for the visit which will cost us over $200. Alright, well that is not the end of the world. BUT next came the most annoying adoption fee I have ever paid.

There is another document that we needed to have notarized and state certified to be sent onto Rwanda. I drove to downtown Denver after work and showed up at the Secretary of State's Office. They were very nice and able to certify the notary ASAP but guess what?! The fees increased this month and the fee for a expedited service was $35. Yes, I paid $35 for a piece of paper, plain old paper, from the state that says that the notary is a real notary. That Saturday Night Live episode when they do the "Really?" thing on the news ran through my head. REALLY?! Thirty five dollars for a lousy piece of paper. Really? For $5 more ($40) I could buy, not one but two flocks of geese, chickens, or ducks for a family in need somewhere in the world! But I got a piece of paper. Really? I guess the state is trying to make up for a money shortage by charging ridiculous fees to adoptive parents who are in a rush. So this is just one example of why adoption is so expensive. For a few other examples, here is a sample of some of the fees we paid for our first adoption. Don't even get me going on the second, most of the US government fees have increased, REALLY!

Home study Agency Fee’s:
Application Fee $200
Home-Study Fee $1400
Required Adoption Education $600 +
3 Post-Placement Reports $1,000
CO Court Re-Validation of Adoption $400

Other Fees:
University of MN adoption clinic $150
Colorado Bureau of Investigation $65
Federal Bureau of Investigation $44
State Child Abuse Clearance Check $20
USCIS $685
INS I-600 application and fingerprinting $678
Colorado State Approval of Home study $175
State Treasury of Colorado $75
SEP $185
Embassy of Ethiopia $196
Courier Service $50
Travel Clinic $400+
(vaccinations and meds for travel to Ethiopia)

NDahShahKah GooTahHah

NDahSHahKah means "I want to go" in Kinyarwanda and it is pronounced Ndashaka gutaha. I decided I could use some of my spare time to start learning some simple phrases that might be familiar to our new child/children. "I want to go" caught my eye because I am so ready to go to Rwanda! I have completed my PhD (still need to post pics of my graduation ceremony) and next week I will have almost three months off work for summer break. In the meantime I do still have plenty to keep me busy and so I will practice this VERY important phrase: NDah GooKoonDah pronounced Nda gukunda and meaning I Love You.

Do You Own a Van?

I am starting to investigate van options for our family and we may go test drive some tomorrow. The fact is that we could barely fit three children in our SUV, and if we have four, well then we definitely need a van! This is a major decision and I want to make the right investment. As we save for the remainder of our adoption and travel expenses we don't have any money to waste. So if you own a van and like or don't like the model that you own let me know! And I added a survey to my blog where you can put in your vote.

Ethiopia Reads Book Week 2009!

I am a bit late posting on this but this week is "Ethiopia Reads" book week. There was a event at a Denver library last Saturday with a donkey and all, but we missed it due to the graduation open house. Some libraries however had celebrations on and off all week so you may want to check in your area. Ethiopia Reads is a organization founded by Yohannes Gebregeorgis. Yohannes learned to read in his village school in Ethiopia taught by Peace Corp volunteers. He later immigrated to the United States and earned a Masters Degree in Library Science. He eventually became committed to increasing the accesability of books to children in Ethiopia and he founded Ethiopia Reads in 1998. He partnered with a American author Jean Kurtz and then moved back to Ethiopia and opened the first free public library for children in Ethiopia in 2003. The library is called Shola's Childrens Library and they moved to a larger facility in June of 2008. In addition to the public library Ethiopia Reads is involved in many other programs including school library development, a publishing program, and training program among others. To learn more or to help visit their website at: http://www.ethiopiareads.org/about.htm

Mixed Feelings on Mother's Day

Mother's Day was nice, busy, and full of all types of emotion. Both sets of grandparents where here, because it was also my graduation weekend. We went to church, lunch, checked out a new garden nursery, took the kids swimming at the hotel, and then back to the house for pizza and a cake to celebrate Tensae's 5th birthday (since we corrected her age and received her new birth certificate). I am so blessed to be the mother of my two wonderful children and at the same time I felt a lot of grief on Mother's Day for the losses that my daughter and her birth family have endured.

I wish I had a picture of her birth mother for her, I wish I knew more so that I could answer all those questions that will come some day, but most of all I pray that her remaining family members are safe and healthy in Ethiopia. International adoption is not a easy process, logistically or emotionally. I know that before I met my daughter, very brave and loving people made very difficult decisions that changed their and her fate. I am not one to say that "She was perfect or made for our family", because that would mean that people were lost so that she could be ours and I don't think that is how things work. Is it a miracle that, we went into the adoption plan not knowing how it would work out and we received so much support to make this possible and she just turned out to have a personality that does fit in very well with our family and she is thriving? Yes I think that is a huge miracle that all the pieces fell into place and perhaps yes, God had a plan in making this happen once her fate had been irreparably changed. But I still grieve for the losses that she has experienced and the answers that she will never have and the picture of her as a baby with her birth mother that I will never see. I am extremely grateful that I was entrusted to raise her as my child and I will someday take her back to visit her birth place in Ethiopia and teach her that I do know that her birth mother was wise, beautiful, brave and loving just like the child that we both have called daughter.

World Aids Oprhans Day

Thursday May 7th is World AIDS Orphans Day. The following information was obtained at http://www.worldaidsorphans.org/. The day is a grassroots campaign to draw attention to and advocate on behalf of the over 15 million children orphaned by AIDS, founded by FXB International and supported by a network of partners.

Over 15 million children worldwide have lost one or both parents to AIDS – equivalent to the number of people living in New York, Paris, and Bangkok combined. In sub-Saharan Africa alone, over 12 million children have been orphaned by the pandemic. Experts believe that millions more orphans remain unaccounted for in India, China and Russia. By 2010, the number of AIDS orphans worldwide is expected to reach at least 20 million. To learn more or to help go to:
http://www.fxb.org/FXBinAction/orphansday.html





Also the AHOPE (Orphanage for HIV+ children in Ethiopia) Store has developed a t-shirt to commemorate this day and the community of supporters that are growing year after year. Order the newest t-shirt for a $10 donation. (All proceeds go towards care of the children served by AHOPE.) Wear your shirt as often as possible, and especially on World AIDS Orphan Day. It will serve as a reminder to your community. It may even create a dialogue. That dialogue could open someone’s eyes. To order your shirt, please visit http://www.ahopestore.org/.
For more info from another adoptive mother and adoption coordinator for HIV+ children visit her blog at: http://fullhousehandshearts.typepad.com/

MIGEPROF Republic of Rwanda Website

The Ministry of Gender and Family Promotion in the Republic of Rwanda has done a nice job of putting together a informative website where you can stay updated on news related to the hard work of MIGEPROF as well as obtain important information regarding laws and procedures. The web address is: http://www.migeprof.gov.rw/
This week they also posted the "Guidelines on International Adoption" which can be located at: http://www.migeprof.gov.rw/index.php?option=com_docman&task=cat_view&gid=64&Itemid=136

I am personally, really impressed with the work that MIGEPROF is doing and the gains that Rwanda has made in the equality of women. They have more female members on their Parliament than any other country!

What a Small World

I am not really big into technology, I would much rather spend the evening outside then watching television and I definately prefer that my kids play outside as opposed to sitting on a computer or video game. But, obviously I have created a web page all about our international adoption experience and my committment to not only learning about the countries of Ethiopia and Rwanda but also by giving back and staying informed. I grew up in a isolated area of North Dakota but thankfully I went off to college (several) and was able to meet great people from all over the world. Eventually I realized that we have much more in common then we have differences. Now with this blog all of a sudden the world feels even smaller. I have had visitors from the following countries: Rwanda, Canada, Belgium, Germany, South Africa,
United Kingdom, Chile, France, Ireland, Europe, Italy, Korea, Philippines, Australia, China, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, and Spain. I know who some of the visitors are, but mostly I wonder who and why? So please if you are out there and you are frequently visiting leave me a comment! I am curious to learn your story and to perhaps make some connections in the many countries that I hope to travel to someday. And of course Rwanda just happens to be at the top of my list at this point. If you want to leave your email address privately just let me know. as I have all comments sent to my personal email before I approve them to the blog.

Now What?

I have finished the revisions to my dissertation and so my husband said to me today "Well, now what are you going to do?". Hmm, good question? Over the last (almost) six years of my life I became skilled at balancing the demands of family, work, and graduate school. So I have to say the idea of NOT being a graduate student anymore is almost surreal to me. So what I am looking forward to? Well I can't wait for this summer, to be "just" a mom and to hang out at the pool with my kids and to play and be silly. And, most of all, I am really looking forward to being a mom to more children. I see how great my son and daughter get along, and how much they love each other and how smoothly we have adapted to being a family of four. I can't wait to learn if we will become a family of five or even six. I am praying that somehow we will receive our approval sooner then expected. If we were able to travel this summer, my son could travel with us without missing school and both my children and my husband would have the summer of for ALL of us to be together as we adjust to our growing family. So will I miss being a graduate student? Definately not! I have plenty else to do like bake, plant, color, play, dance, help, give ..........THRIVE!