How to Help After Homecoming

Update: Two wise adoptive moms have left comments to this post. I first want to thank them for backing me up on this information. I have, on occasion, got the sense that some parents did not really like to hear the reality of the hard experiences, so THANK YOU for being honest with your own stories as well. I have copied their comments onto the bottom of this post.

There are nine families on their way home this weekend from Kenya with their beautiful new children from Rwanda. It has been interesting watching their travels as they had a rather different experience then us. Something I have been meaning to blog about is the often not discussed issue of homecoming. Regardless of how easy or difficult a family's time in country obtaining their child is they will experience bumps when they get home. Yes, it is easier for some then others depending on so many factors; the age of the child, the number of children adopted, gender, health, personality, prior quality of care, the children already home and the family's level of preparation prior to travel. There is something called post-adoption depression and I think it is more common then adoptive parents (mainly mothers because they usually are the primary caretakers upon arrival home), want to admit. But the reality is that after 12 months of completing paperwork and background checks and saving and fundraising that homecoming is often not the wonderful, peaceful experience that one might have hoped it to be. A good social worker will educate adoptive parents about this but often no matter how prepared they are it is still dang hard.

At minimum after arriving home the family will be exhausted and jet lagged. Often the adopted kidos may sleep unusually well and not show any problematic behaviors for the first few weeks. But after they recover their energy and get settled the most challenging period of adjustment begins. Again this varies greatly, some families may not have any issues. For sure though if they have welcomed a child over the age of 2 years into their home they are going to have to work through some behaviors and difficult adjustment at times. There are also specific medical issues that need to be dealt with when a child is adopted from Africa such as parasites, GI issues, and malnutrition. If a child has lived in a orphanage for a extended time (more then 6 months) then they probably are going to have developmental delays as well.

So basically what I am saying is that the first few months home are a critical period for the new family and they will need the support and understanding of their family, friends, coworkers and community. At this same time parents will need time to focus on what is called "attachment parenting". If extended family and friends do not understand what that means their can be tension during visits and the relationship between the adoptive family and child can be compromised. Here are some basic recommendations that I am providing to family, friends, coworkers, church members, neighbors, anyone who wants to help a family who has just arrived home with a internationally adopted child (I think it is a bit different for domestic or foster/adopt but you may be able to relate). Some of these we have received and others I wish we would have. I will say though, that it was interesting to me the differences in how people responded to the birth of our son, versus the adoption of our daughter, and then the adoption of our second son. I will let you decide what I might mean by that.

• First and foremost treat everything about the adoption as you would have if the family had given birth. Hold a baby shower, make welcome signs, send them balloons (avoid latex as they are serious choking hazards) or flowers. If you send a gift, wrap it in baby paper or appropriate paper for a older child. This is a time to celebrate the same that you would if the child was a newborn birth child. This may vary by age of the adopted child, but I think that ALL children deserve to be celebrated and I know that the parents would really appreciate the thought. It is a once in a lifetime experience.
• Also really important is to ask them what they need help with, you might be surprised.
• Offer to drop off or pick them up at the airport (airport parking is very expensive)
• Stock their fridge and cupboards just before they get home, you have no idea how good a diet coke (no diet pop their) and fresh vegetables (can't eat fresh vegetables) taste after being in Africa.
• Bring them a hot meal the first night home, even better deliver a hot meal every night for the first week home.
• Clean their house for them or hire someone to do it just before they come home, have it done again a few weeks later (when things really start to get tough).
• Offer to babysit any other children in the home so that they can get some much needed attention and parents can have some one on one with the new one/s.
  
• Offer to give rides to older children who may need to get to activities.
• If it is winter go shovel their driveway and sidewalks.
• Offer to run errands for the family or to go to the store (Having to take my screaming toddler to the store, and having everyone stare at me has been one of my worst post adoption experiences)
• Simply lend a open ear, encourage the new mom to be open and honest about her feelings and needs. Take her out for a break, a cup of coffee or a nice lunch.
• This one is REALLY important so I am leaving it for last: During any visits that happen in the first few months be respectful of the adoptive parents wishes regarding feeding, holding, and comforting the child. A child who has lived in a orphanage has passed through the hands of MANY caregivers and it is crucial that they learn to go to their new parents as the sole primary caregivers in the beginning. It would not have been normal for our oldest son to jump on the lap of a complete stranger at the age of 2 years and as hard as it is to understand you are a stranger to this child. So just ask the parents what the "rules" are. It may vary by household and how involved you are with the family. My personal preference for this issue is fairly conservative, I did not want anyone else holding, comforting or feeding my adopted kids for the first two months home. Especially for my son since we went through a period of him rejecting having a mommy. For a toddler in particular, if the parent has taken something away from the kido and they start screaming it would not be o.k. for a different person to then confuse the child by comforting him or her. You see what I mean, this can be complicated so if you are not sure just ask.

That certainly is not a extensive list of how to help but I think this got long enough. Any questions? Feel free to leave a comment and I will do my best to answer.

Comments:

Kari,
I'm a new reader to your blog. Congratulations on your family. You hit the nail on the head with this post. The adopted child has to learn to love and trust their new parents. The experience isn't a Hallmark card. It's hard. Very hard.
We adopted our son from Guatemala three years ago. The first few months home, we limited visitors and outings outside the home. We kept his world small. We also held him all the time. All. The. Freakin. Time. Skin-to-skin contact is so important. So is fostering eye contact.
Our "rules" upset a lot of people, including grandparents. But it had to be done and I kept myself from letting guilt beat down my resolve.
Moms and dad, especially moms, expect angels singing on high. We've grown to love this child in our hearts and it's so hard when the child rejects his new mommy and displays typical, normal, totally appropriate adjustment behaviors. Add illnesses and jet lag on top of it all and the entire family is in for a ride.
What I had to learn was that this was not about me. This was not about me not being a good mom or my son rejecting me as his caregiver.
The child is scared out of his wits. Everything changed in a blink of an eye and he or she can't communicate. Smell, taste, language, everything is different. Of course he's going to freak. I would, too.
I hope all perspective adoptive parents educate themselves about what the first three months home will be like. I hope they tell their families the rules for attachment. And I hope they have support. Sometimes a new mom needs to call another mom who's been there for a hug, a good cry or the chance to get out of the house.
Thank you!

Thanks for the helpful suggestions on how to support parents post adoption. I wish I had the list and given it to my friends and family before bringing our children home! Though people were for the most part very supportive, there was a marked difference between how my bio son was welcomed and how his adopted siblings were. I would like to give the benefit of doubt and believe it was because it was not my first child, the novelty had worn off, but I think I have a suspicion people would have been more helpful if I was adding three bio infants within three months of each other. I certainly needed more support then, than when I had my first, but I certainly got more support with my first. I think it is so hard for non-adoptive friends and family to really get that for an adoptive parent, the adopted child is just as longed for, wanted and loved as bio children. I am more sensitive now to the needs of adoptive parents and I am always looking for opportunities to be a support in the first few weeks home.

Little Leo Turns 3

Our little Leo turned 3 today. February 2nd was his estimated birth date from the orphanage and on his Rwanda medical records. We kept the celebration simple, a GI friendly dinner of chicken and rice, cake, and presents at home with just the five of us. He is not yet interested in a lot of toys but I found a small and durable remote control car for toddlers that he just pushed one button on the remote and it makes it work (New toys at Target in the "special toys" section). He was fascinated that the car moved and chased it around the living room then dad taught him how to drive it which was even more amusing because he screamed every time it moved.

The day was a little bittersweet however. I wish I knew his birth story, I wish I knew what he looked like when he was born and how much he weighed. I wish I could have seen all his firsts. I wish I had a baby picture of him. These things we will never have answers to but I will do my best to tell him his story when he is ready. My daughter likes to tease my eldest son about being a fat baby and then she asks me what she looked like when she was born. I tell her what I do not know but what was probably true, that she was so tiny and so beautiful. I then explain that while she did not grow in my tummy like her big brother did, she grew in a even more special way, she grew in my heart. And that is where Leo entered my life. The emotions that I went through and are still going through with him are very much like pregnancy and childbirth. And so today I can only imagine what we do not know.

Please Pray for Leo

Update: Thank you everyone for the info! They did test him for Celiac disease at the Children's Hospital and it was negative. I may try decreasing his gluten intake anyway as he probably is just not used to it. I think they ate primary rice, beans, eggs, bananas, maybe potatoes at the orphanage. I love the goat's milk idea and had never thought of it. He refuses to drink either soy milk or lactose free milk formula. One sip and the sippy cup is thrown to the side!

Our son's gastrointestinal issues are not at all improving. I have put him on probiotics and have him on the Brat Diet (mostly) plus eliminated all dairy products. We have completed three treatments for parasites thus I really hoped that things would get better. However, the last three days he is worse, way worse. He has woken up everyone morning with "blow-outs" and big messes for mom to clean up. They then continue on and off all day. This has been going on for the entire 7 weeks that he has been in our care and probably much longer. I am worried that he is going to end up dehydrated because he is getting more and more picky about what he will drink. At the same time we are worried about his nutrition since he has a growth hormone deficiency. I am fearful that until we get his gastro problems resolved he will never be able to maintain enough nutrition to start producing growth hormone again. I looked at the Pediasure and all the other nutrition drinks and they all have dairy in them so those are not a option. We are following up with his local doc this week, then will see a gastro specialist but I have this sense that they are not going to have any easy or quick answers.

To top off the frustration his doctor signed a letter for my employer saying that he cannot be in childcare yet for various reasons. I turned it into our HR who then took it to the committee who makes decisions about granting pay out of the temporary leave bank. And guess what they denied my application to the leave bank?! They did not feel that his medical issue was significant enough for me to receive pay out of the medical temporary leave bank which I am a member of. What do they think that I am making this up? Not only is he possibly still contagious, but he is malnourished and at risk for anemia and dehydration thus he is on a extremely limited diet. I would really like one of them to come to my house to deal with this and wash the cloth diapers. Yes, cloth diapers despite gastro problems, I know I am crazy but I can't stand the thought of all those disposables sitting in a landfill and we have successfully avoided any diaper rash issues.

Ok. so if anyone has any suggestions as to a diet other then the Brat diet I would be open to anything at this point.

New Badge for Blog, Getting High Tech!

I created a blog badge. What do you think? It is a bit blurry for some reason but oh well. I think it turned out well for my first attempt. If anyone knows how to add the handy gadget where you can post the html code for others to copy can you drop me the instructions? I don't see it in the blogger gadgets and when I type the code into a text box it shows up as the pic on the blog.

Buy a Raffle Ticket Now for the DRC and Haiti!

Go to this blog for your chance to win a ONE WEEK stay at a condo on the beach in Destin, Florida. The raffle tickets are only $10 and ALL proceeds are being split between a organization in Haiti and a orphanage in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The fundraiser ends today so you do not have much time. Their goal is to reach $4,000 and they are only a few hundred dollars short!

http://terryhousehold.blogspot.com/

Remaining "Almost Adopted" Orphans Blocked from Leaving Haiti

Just received this Press Release from FHG. You can read it to understand the situation. I completely understand that the Haitian government wants to protect children from being exited from the country if they are not true orphans and already in the adoption process. Organizations such as Save the Children and UNICEF who have on multiple occasions posted anti-adoption statements appear to be heavily involved in this situation as well. What I wonder is why increase the regulations for children who already have paperwork processed? I hope that someone is watching the border for children who may be illegally being transported by trucks and boats at night and sold as child slaves. Those are the kids who need protection right now!

Orphans Blocked From Departing Haiti

Undefined Haitian exit procedures halts departure of humanitarian paroled orphans (Port-au-Prince, Haiti) Seventy-nine of the 106 children from Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage, who were granted humanitarian parole, arrived in Florida on Saturday, January 23rd. The Haitian Government has blocked the remaining 27 children, including the adopted son of the For His Glory (FHG) Adoption Outreach President, Kim Harmon, from departing Port-au-Prince. In a surprise announcement, Haitian Prime Minister Bellerive stated that all future cases of humanitarian parole would have to complete an exit process with his office. He has not yet defined this exit process so no action can be taken to bring the remaining children to their adoptive parents in the United States.

The Maison des Enfants de Dieu orphanage staff announced that they soon would be accepting 30 children orphaned since the January 12th earthquake. Over the past week, the orphanage has received numerous requests to take newly orphaned children. In one instance alone, it was asked to accept 70 orphans. The orphanage and FHG remain firmly committed to the children and the people of Haiti. Pat Flowers, an FHG board member who has been in Haiti this past week consulting with the orphanage staff, agreed, "we must act responsibly in accepting new orphans to ensure that we will have sufficient supplies and facilities to care for these children." Pat explained that not only is each child, who is united with adoptive parents, helped, but much-needed space is opened up at the orphanage to help other children. He added, "The need in Port-au-Prince is great." Kim Harmon reiterated the need to quickly complete the departure process of the remaining 27 children, who have been granted humanitarian parole. She stated "These children have adoptive families waiting to care for them in the United States. The faster we resolve the departure issue, the quicker we will be able to reach out to those unfortunate children in Port-au-Prince who now have no one."

FHG urges adoptive parents, supporters and all those concerned about the welfare of the orphans in Haiti to contact their Congressmen, Senators, Governors and the White House to urge the Secretary of State to quickly resolve this issue with Prime Minister Bellerive. FHG is a ministry to the people and children of Haiti. Our ministry is dedicated to fundraising and assisting the orphanage, Maison des Enfants de Dieu, in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. For previous press releases and updates visit http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/.

One Month Home

We have been home now for over a month and Leo has been in our custody for over 6 weeks. We have definitely experienced ups and downs as we transition into our new routine. I am not going to sugar coat it because honestly adopting a toddler boy is no easy task. I am so grateful that this is our second adoption experience. There have been many struggles that I was prepared for but there have also been some things that have thrown me for a loop. There are some adoption books out there that try to give names to the different phases that you will go through as you adjust, the honeymoon phase, the transition phase, the testing phase, etc. I am not so sure that it happens that smoothly, it is a whole lot more like a spiral where you make some progress in one area only to fall back a little in another but then to spiral back up again. The hope of course is that you keep moving up and I think we are. So here is the low down on the big subjects that keep coming up when people ask me questions about how we are doing:

Communication: While in Rwanda our son said very little and when he would talk he would whisper. I would right away ask someone what he said in Kinyarwanda and often they would say that what he said did not make sense. I did not think much of it then. Since being home he talks all the time. I am usually able to make out what he wants through his gestures and facial expressions. His brother and sister are not as in tuned to reading his clues and so he tends to do more yelling at them which can be frustrating for everyone. We were a little worried when we had a appointment at the Denver Children's Hospital and the interpreter there said that he just was not making much sense. However he is now learning new English words every day and is spontaneously using about 10-12 English words on a regular basis. My theory is that the kids at the orphanage had a partially made up language.

Medical/Physical: The biggest concern has been loose stools ever since he has been with us, not a single normal one. I will spare the details of what that means. We have treated him with meds three times now for two different parasites and have him on a vitamin with iron. The meds made it worse but even after there has been no improvement. He also tested positive for a actual human growth hormone deficiency. The IAC only picked up on it because when I reported what I thought was his "real" age to the IAC and gave them his growth record from the orphanage they charted it and noticed that he has not been making steady growth in height. He is only at or below the 5th percentile. He was also at the 5th percentile in weight at his last measurement at the orphanage but has already gained a whopping 6 pounds in the last 2 months so he is up to the 25th percentile in weight. We will be following up with a endocrinologist but hope that with improved nutrition he will start producing growth hormone again. We will have to do another stool sample (our 4th!) to see if the nasty parasites are finally gone and we are waiting on his Hep C test result because despite it being negative in Rwanda it came back inconclusive in the US. We are filling him with probiotics and have him on a limited diet in the hopes that his intestinal lining just needs repair. Most likely we will probably be seeing a gastro doc to further investigate the stomach problem. I am worried that untill his digestive problems are taken care of his growth will not improve.

Attachment/Bonding: While in Rwanda he went through a phase of rejecting mom and wanting only dad to hold him. He also did not want to be carried in the Ergo towards the end of our trip however now that we are home he is showing a mild preference to mom since I am home with him and he rides in the Ergo no problem when needed. He still seems to be a little insecure as he will go through phases of wanting to be held all the time and being very demanding. At home he continues to want to be right at my side and will follow me from room to room when I am doing chores. We have not really noticed anything of concern or out of the ordinary for what would be expected the first few months home.

Sleep: This is the biggest challenge at this point. He will lay down easily beside me for a nap but at bedtime he becomes very hypervigilent. He will not stay in his own bed which I expected. In one attempt we put the side back on the crib (currently set up like a toddler bed) and he immediately completed a expert swing out of the crib! In Rwanda, Ethiopia and the first few weeks home he slept in bed with us all night. I then started moving him into his own bed in his sister's room after falling asleep but he started having night terrors and waking up. So now his bed in in our room and I roll him over after he falls asleep. The hope is that he will get more and more used to his bed and develop enough trust that he can eventually fall asleep in his own bed and move him to the other room.

Behaviors: He is definitely a toddler and is demanding in that if he wants something he will yell right away or have a tantrum. He also is fairly active and gets into everything in the house, I mean EVERYTHING. He has put my make-up on, tried washing towels down the toilet, dumped the food out of the fridge, crawls in the dryer and tries to shut himself in. Thankfully we found a special lock for the dryer but it seems that no amount of safety proofing would be enough as he has figured out how to open the cabinet locks. The doorknob covers have helped the most in simply keeping him out of certain rooms. That said he is also very playful and has a good sense of humor. He prefers to play with others and does not like being by himself (a good sign actually). When he does have a trantrum he gets over it quickly and will want to be picked up and comforted.

Similarities between adoption experiences:

• Both went through a phase in country, the first few days in our custody where there was little eye contact, not a lot of activity, very reserved and very few attempts at communication. I suppose we could call this the "afraid because they just gave me to these crazy strangers phase"!


• Both went through a honeymoon phase the first few weeks home, sleeping all night (probably because they were so tired) and overall few behavior problems. Then moved into testing the limits and being afraid to fall asleep on own or to sleep in own bed the first few months home.


• Both began repeating and then spontaneously using English words a few weeks simply from being exposed fully to a new language and without any direct teaching.

So there it is, if you are adopting a toddler and want to know what to expect, both of our experiences have been pretty similar except our son is much more active and gets into things a whole lot more requiring a lot of intervention. Our daughter did not have the stomach problems but was also treated for parasites. She was also tiny, looked to be the age that they said (2/3) but with a dental and developmental exam we confirmed that she was at least 2 years older (just lost her 7/8 year front teeth at her now corrected age of 6). So makes me wonder if she also had a growth hormone deficiency but the docs never tested her for it. Yes, you live and learn as a adoptive parent!

Florida and Colorado Homecomings

Update: The CO children arrived safely to the Denver airport on Sunday to very relieved parents!

Great news! All paperwork was completed the end of last week for 82 children from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage. The children were boarded onto a plane headed for Florida yesterday in two groups. A portion of the children in the first group have parents waiting for them in CO and so they were escorted by medical staff from the Denver Children's Hospital onto Denver. Good for the Children's Hospital to step up and assist! We have received very good care for both of our adopted children from the Denver Children's Hospital outpatient surgery center and International Adoption Clinic so I know that these kids were in great hands. I am so excited for these children and families. One of the reasons that we switched away from the Haiti adoption program was that several years ago they were having a very hard time getting the kids home to the US. I was just to emotionally vulnerable at the time to take the risk. So it is truly a miracle that in the middle of such a tragedy that these children were able to so quickly be placed with their adoptive families, some of them just referred. Here is the actual Press Release:

Orphans Bound for U.S. in Two Groups

Eighty-two orphans will depart Haiti on Saturday (Port-au-Prince, Haiti) All paperwork has been completed for 82 children from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage and they have clearance to travel to the United States. These 82 children are scheduled to depart Port-au-Prince airport on Saturday, January 23, 2010, at around 11:00 a.m. on an aircraft bound for Florida. Those children with Colorado adoptive parents in this first group, will continue on to Colorado, accompanied by a medical team from the Colorado Children's Hospital. Orphanage staff and representatives of the U.S. ministry, For His Glory Adoption Outreach (FHG) will continue to work with U.S. Embassy officials for humanitarian parole and travel clearance for the remaining eligible children. FHG hopes that these children will receive their clearance sometime on Saturday, January 23, 2010, with a departure date and time still to be determined. Kim Harmon, President of FHG, wanted to express her gratitude to the staff of the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince for their tireless efforts in processing the paperwork for all the children. Kim reminded adoptive parents and supporters to "continue in steadfast prayer for the children who are traveling tomorrow and for those who remain in Haiti." FHG is a ministry to the people and children of Haiti. Our ministry is dedicated to fundraising and assisting the orphanage, Maison des Enfants de Dieu, in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. For previous press releases and updates visit http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/.

Slow Progress

Here is the latest Press Release from Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God):

A Difficult Day... A Race Against Time

Blocked roads, heat and missing paperwork complicate orphans departure(Port-au-Prince, Haiti) Because of State Department procedural requirements, on the morning of January 21, 2010, 114 children left the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage for the U.S. Embassy. Of the 114 children, 111 were the orphans eligible for humanitarian parole to the United States and three were orphans who have Canadian/Argentinean adoptive parents and may also qualify for evacuation. Eighty-seven toddlers and children traveled in a bus and twenty-seven infants traveled in a van, accompanied by orphanage staff, representatives from the U.S. ministry, For His Glory Adoption Outreach (FHG), and members of the press. Dead bodies, debris and abandoned vehicles in the roads made movement very difficult. Temperatures inside the vehicles became extreme and began to make the younger children sick. After 2 hours of little progress, the difficult decision was made to return to the orphanage.

After returning the children to the orphanage, staff members returned to the U.S. Embassy and received permission to process the children's paperwork without the children being physically present. Humanitarian paroles for some of the orphans have been completed, however additional documentation was needed for others. The United States Customs and Immigration Service has pledged to work through the night with FHG staff to ensure that all required documentation will be available Friday in sufficient time to allow all 114 orphans to depart Haiti for the United States. Air Transportation from Haiti is being arranged for the evening of January 22, 2010. Kim Harmon, President of FHG, stated she is "overwhelmed and amazed by the dedication and willingness of individuals within the U.S. Government to assist in meeting Friday's deadline." She continued to call for "everyone to pray, especially for the health of the children." FHG is a ministry to the people and children of Haiti. Our ministry is dedicated to fundraising and assisting the orphanage, Maison des Enfants de Dieu, in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. For previous press releases and updates visit http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/.

Orphans Turned Away Today

Here is the newest press release regarding the children from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage which is the one associated with For His Glory Adoption Outreach. But before you read it you may want to check out this CNN video clip which shows the orphanage and children at "Children of the House of God" at http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2010/01/20/todd.haiti.vinson.baby.cnn

Orphans Intend to Depart Haiti... AgainConfusing and complicated orphan process delays orphan's departure (Port-au-Prince, Haiti) On January 20, 2010, staff from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage accompanied by representatives from the U.S. ministry, For His Glory Adoption Outreach (FHG), attempted to obtain humanitarian parole from the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince for 133 orphans. The orphanage staff and FHG representatives were turned away because of confusion about photo requirements for each child. Additionally, they were informed that humanitarian parole would only apply to approximately 111 of the 132 children from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu orphanage. These are the orphans who have a "United States qualified referral" dated prior to the earthquake on January 12, 2010.

In accordance with specific instructions received today, orphanage staff and FHG representatives will depart for U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince in the early morning of January 21, 2010, with the 109 children eligible for humanitarian parole. We anticipate they will receive authority to depart Haiti via air by the early afternoon and will provide further information on the actual schedule as soon as we have it. Three of the remaining 24 children are being adopted by parents in Argentina and Canada and are waiting for those countries to announce their evacuation procedures. The remaining 18 children at Maison des Enfants de Dieu orphanage will remain in Haiti since they have not yet been referred for international adoption. The orphanage receives request each day to accept new orphans, however their ability to accept children orphaned since the earthquake is very limited. Orphanage staff today reported they were out of diapers, low on food and they remained concerned about security at the orphanage.

Kim Harmon, President of FHG, underscored her call "to all who care about these precious children to pray earnestly for their safety and that the complicated humanitarian parole process can be successfully completed tomorrow. We are thankful to the Lord for where He has brought us and for everyone's tireless prayer and work to accomplish His will in bringing these children home soon. We pray that the wait will not be much longer and continue to work to that end."

FHG is a ministry to the people and children of Haiti. Our ministry is dedicated to fundraising and assisting the orphanage, Maison des Enfants de Dieu, in Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

No Help or Protection to Get Orphans to the US Embassy in Haiti!

The following information brings about both joy and extreme concern. I am joyful that the children will be granted visas to the US but very disheartened that the US is providing no assistance to the orphanages to get the children safely to the Embassy and to provide them food and water while waiting. So much fo the press trying to say that things are happening the way they are to ensure the best interests of the children. No the primary concern of the US continues to be the prevention of illegal immigrants from entering our country, even if they are vulnerable orphans. I am not surprised though, I really cannot say that the processing of our own visa paperwork for our son was a smooth procress. Seriously, just imagine these small thirsty and hungry children having to walk to the US Embassy and then wait there for hours to process paperwork only then to get on a plane to a unknown destination! As a mother and psychologist I cannot even begin to explain how very wrong that process is for children who are already experiencing a trauma and likely to present with some form of PTSD symptoms.

Press Release from For His Glory Adoption Outreach:

Orphans Intend to Depart HaitiOrphans begin procedures to depart Haiti at U.S. Embassy(Port-au-Prince, Haiti) On January 20, 2010, 133 orphans from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage will begin the difficult process outlined by the U.S. Department of State for humanitarian parole and onward transportation to the United States. In accordance with instructions received from the State Department, as relayed by the Joint Council on International Children's Services (JCICS) at 8 p.m. today, orphans along with orphanage staff members have been instructed to arrive at the U.S. Embassy as early as possible on Wednesday morning. JCICS warned that no food, water or facilities would be available for the children while processing at the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince. JCICS further relayed that orphanage requests to the U.S. Embassy for security and transportation for the children have been denied by the State Department. The U.S. ministry associated with this orphanage, For His Glory Adoption Outreach (FHG), was also asked to stop requesting security, transportation or even water at the orphanage location. Following discussions with staff and board members in Port-au-Prince, the difficult decision was made that all 133 children, including approximately 60 children under the age of 3, will begin early in the morning of January 20th to walk the over 2 kilometers to the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince. This decision was made due to the limited staff available and the increasingly dangerous security situation at the orphanage in Port-au-Prince. The staff will carry as much water, food and baby formula as possible with them for the orphans while processing at the U.S. Embassy. JCICS relayed that once processing is completed, the orphans will travel to the United States on "cargo jets to locations that are not often known until an hour or so before the flight leaves." Kim Harmon, President of FHG, acknowledged that "this arrangement is far from ideal for the safety and well-being of the children. We are calling to all who care about these precious children to pray earnestly for their safety tomorrow." FHG is a ministry to the people and children of Haiti. Our ministry is dedicated to fundraising and assisting the orphanage, Maison des Enfants de Dieu, in Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

JCICS STATEMENT January 19, 2010 8 p.m. est

UPDATE: Haiti It is once again my job to be the barrier of bad news. Another day come and gone and no change. Despite extensive Congressional support and all of your calls to your Members of Congress we have hit roadblock after roadblock. At this point we respectfully ask that you stop contacting your Members of Congress requesting their assistance with obtaining security, transportation, and water for the location. The Department of State has not and apparently will not provide the small assistance that we have requested. Given the current circumstances, at this point we are recommending that someone from each orphanage escort the children who qualify for humanitarian parole or adoption visas to the U.S. Embassy in Port-A-Prince. We recommend that the orphanage staff arrive with the children and any adoption paperwork that has not been destroyed as early as possible in the morning in order to attempt to obtain visas or parole for the children. Please understand that this option may not be considered safe and that the U.S. Embassy did not allow some orphanages onto the premises today. Additionally, please note that it has been reported that there is no food, water or facilities for the children to use while at the Embassy. As noted during our conference call earlier today, these are our recommendations only and should not be used to replace your or your orphanage director's good judgment. It is our understanding that any children processed by USCIS in Port-A-Prince are leaving on U.S. cargo jets to locations that are not often know until a hour or so before the flight leaves. At times children have left Haiti without the knowledge of their adoptive parents. This is currently the worst case scenario for the children's well-being and safety but at the moment there are no other options. As we receive more information we will continue to share it with you. While the situation at the moment is terrible I can only hope that our collective efforts produce some positive news. Despite the roadblocks Joint Council has not given up on the save haven and we continue to advocate for its creation and a more transparent and safe process in uniting these children with their adoptive families. Rebecca

BRESMA Children Evacuated

Yes it is true a plane carrying 53 orphans from BRESMA orphanage escorted by the Governor of Pennsylvania has landed in Pittsburgh. The children will be taken to the Pittsburgh Children's Hospital for evaluation and then placed in foster homes until they can be placed with their adoptive families in the US once the adoptions are final. It is my understanding that there may also be a possibility for the adoptive parents to take custody of their children when they themselves become licensed foster parents. This process however varies by state and can be a lengthy one as the training required goes beyond what is typically required for a standard adoption approval. So anyways here are some links to articles with the good news. Even Fox News has covered the story, although they specifically pointed out that the US has only given the o.k. for Haitian orphans who meet the criteria as orphans prior to the earthquake and were either close to their adoptions being completed or already matched with prospective adoptive parents.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/19/AR2010011901538.html

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/01/19/dozens-haitian-orphans-traveling-adoptions/

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100119/ap_on_re_us/us_haiti_orphans_pittsburgh

It is important for everyone to remember however that this was only one orphanage and there are many others still working with the appropriate officials to make this happen. The BRESMA orphanage is run by a young woman from Pennsylvania with the help of her even younger sister. They are a amazing duo and I believe it was their connections and swift appeals over the Internet which drew them the needed media attention to make this happen. Bringing a plane load of orphans into the US prior to their adoptions being finalized is no easy task. The US has made is very clear that they will return any Haitian Earthquake evacuees who are not granted official humanitarian visas. One of the most overwhelming aspects of both of our adoptions was dealing with the US immigration services. They require multiple applications, fingerprints, and processing fees close to $1,000 for one child. I also remember how long it took us to get through customs at the Denver airport with one child whose adoption had been finalized, I cannot imagine passing through customs in Florida with 52 orphans! For all of these reasons it is a miracle in itself that so many officials were able to work together to make this happen for these children. But again more are waiting as For His Glory Adoption Outreach is still sending out appeals for help. Here is one that I received this morning:

Greetings! We need you all to act again on behalf of all our children. Currently, we have two families from Argentina and one from Canada adopting. Our governments are not cooperating and working together to get all our kids out, they are dragging their feet. We are going to start losing babies due to dehydration if we do not evacuate these children quickly to the U.S. and then process them here. We do not have time for a one by one assessment of the state of their adoption process and issuance of visas prior to evacuation. Please, begin contacting your governors and continue to pressure your senators and congressmen to get a plan in place, quickly, to evacuate the children to the U.S. The Argentinean and Canadian Governments could then work with the U.S. to bring their children home from the U.S. Time is of the essence. This is not going to look good for the U.S., the State Department, the other world governments or the United Nations if our children, who survived the earthquake, begin to perish because the governments and agencies would not work together to quickly evacuate all the children in the orphanages. This needs to be a united effort. PLEASE CALL YOUR GOVERNORS, SENATORS AND CONGRESSMEN AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS MESSAGE. We have confirmed reports that Governor Ed Rendell form Pennsylvania went to Haiti and has brought back 54 children to Pennsylvania from an orphanage. If this can happen for them, it needs to happen for all the orphans that are suffering in orphanages with little supplies, starting to experience diarrhea and sicknesses due to the conditions.PLEASE ACT NOW ON BEHALF OF OUR BABIES AND CHILDREN. Thank you,Kim Harmon,President

Challenging Thoughts on MLK Day

When I made the decision to adopt children from countries in Africa I was not color blind. I knew that raising African American children in a Caucasian family would sometimes be a challenge. I knew that my children would at points in their lives be judged by the color of their skin. We live in a fairly conservative community and it is not at all rare for us to walk into a store or a restaurant and get full blown and obvious stares from people (usually younger or older white men).
I have learned to ignore it, but I often wonder what is going on in their heads? The reason I bring this up is that I am very conscious of teaching all of my children not only about Ethiopian and Rwandan culture but also African American history. I believe that their identities depend on it and then they can make the choices that they need to make when they are ready.

So today we attended a MLK celebration organized by the University of Northern Colorado. It was moving and thought provoking but what was missing was a large number of people. We live in a community highly affected by racial tension, primarily targeted at the growing Mexican American population and we also have a growing number of refugees from various African countries now competing between minority groups for jobs. The tension is sometimes obvious but to often the racial divides are hidden or ignored by those of us who live comfortable white middle class lives.
Is this why there were so few people there? I think the messages and progress that Dr. King made are still very relevant today. Not only do I dream that my own children will someday not be judged by the color of their skin but I also dream of a world in which people are not hated and persecuted for all the other things that define us. Research has proven that we do not choose all of these things, they choose us, by the families that we are born (or adopted) into and the genetics that we are unwillingly handed. When I took my first class in my masters counseling program on multicultural counseling I was openly asked to identify one of my own prejudices and to write about it. That was not easy but it was the first step to teaching myself and developing tolerance. This would be a really great activity for MLK day, to identify a prejudice that you still carry and to research and learn and work towards tolerance and acceptance. Just something to think about.

On another note, I am pleased to see that some of the orphans in process of being adopted from Haiti have already arrived to the US on humanitarian visas or their cases are in process. Tonight while watching the local Denver 9 News they featured a family from Loveland, CO who was in Florida and just last night received custody of their two children from Haiti. If anyone in CO knows their contact info, drop me a line as I am trying to connect with as many Northern CO interracial adoptive families as possible. You can see a separate video from CNN with a update on children being moved out of BRESMA orphanage at http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2010/01/17/tuchman.haiti.orphans.cnn
I don't think the same little girl that they speak of in this video as going to CO is the same child who I saw on the local news.

Link to Info on BRESMA Orphanage

Here is the link with valid information to follow what is happening with BRESMA orphanage. The other orphanage that has been highlighted in CNN articles.

http://thatschurch.com/