ReeAhDee?

ReeAhDee? means When? in Kinyarwanda.

I am feeling impatient now. Impatient with so many things. I want to see those little faces and give them each a big hug. I want to know when we will be traveling so that all the details can be worked out. In the meantime I want my children, ALL my children to know that:

EeMahNah AhGooHay OoMooGeeSha (Imana aguhe umugisha) "I Love You"
and
NDah GooKoonDah (Nda gukunda) "God Bless You"

Non-Profit to Support Home of Hope

One of the families who adopted this year from Home of Hope Orphanage, the same orphanage where we will be adopting from, has started a non-profit organization to support the orphanage. Some of the posts are hard for me to read, but this is the reality for these children, a reality so different from the one we know every day. When I think of what my children have and the birthday party that we just yesterday celebrated and then I think about these children living as orphans, real orphans in a real orphanage and I really feel and process this information, my heart is broken. It frustrates me that there is so much we take for granted in the US; education, medical clinics, paved roads, grocery stores...... So when some people are surprised that we are adopting two more and will have a "big family", by American standards, I don't even bother to explain because they don't get it, they have not processed the reality, they do not want to see. The things that Laurel speaks of, this is why I have been buying donations for the orphanage even though I am going to have to charge our airplane tickets. If you can please read this post from the website and then do what you can to help by going to http://www.four4-more.blogspot.com/

Laurel:
Ever since Peter and I left the Home of Hope the last day with our precious Myles Mugisha , we have been haunted by the images of the children we had to walk away from. To finalize our adoption, we were in Rwanda seven days. Three of those days we had to return Myles to the orphanage by 5pm every evening. Peter encouraged me not to enter the orphanage until the final day that we had our son and could take him home.

The last day came, and we carried Myles down to the orphanage room where he spent about 5 months of his life, to say "goodbye." As soon as we entered the hallway that led to the different rooms of age-grouped children, I was hit with a smell-mix of dampness, wet diapers, and musty unopened windows. There really is no explaining it. When I entered Myles' room, I saw dark aqua walls, the smell of urine-soaked mattresses, rows and rows of tiny basinets, each one holding a child, an orphan with a story, a child who needed/s a home. Most of these tiny beds had a string across the top with dangling toys for the babies to look at. The only empty basinet was the one that had held Myles for those months of waiting. It was the length of his little body, no wonder he still, at 7 months, had no idea how to turn on his side. After spending some time visiting with the babies in the room, and trying to control the depth of anguish I felt for the orphaned children in the room and for the 2-3 care takers who were trying their hardest to feed, clothe, bathe, change, and care for the 35 infants in the room, we left to look into the other rooms of the orphanage. Next we walked into the 12-24 month room. Oddly enough-and I've never experienced anything else like this in my life, but I have NO memory of this room. I believe that it was too hard to see these children and my memory is blocked. The other room that I remember was full of 2-5 year olds (I think) and there were many rows of cribs, 2 children to a crib. It was 11am when we were there and you could have heard a pin drop in the room. It was nap time, in the morning. I took in the room for a moment: nothing on the walls, not toys to be seen, nothing. Nothing. A few children saw a visitor standing in the doorway (me) and peaked up without moving their precious heads, smiled, and did mini-waves.
There is so much more to write, but the end result is how we felt when we left. As we backed out of the Home of Hope driveway, I vividly remember waving to a small group of 2-4 year olds--and remember especially a bright-eyed little girl in a worn yellow dress, smiling and waving to us as we left. While we were so happy to be leaving with Myles, we were leaving many many more.

Coming home: I shared with my friends the grief we felt (and many other families feel) for those children left behind. What can we do? How do we start? My friends Christina and Heather, right away, responded with: "we can." A month and a half after we had settled into our new life with our baby Myles, they began talking about the action plan again. "We can do something." Even if it's sending an excersaucer for the infant room, which I got approval for...Myles had very little muscle tone in his legs from non-use.. The sisters at the orphanage and I found a small spot in the infant room where an excersaucer would fit perfectly. My mind went back to the children waving goodbye to us, standing in the dirt outside the Home of Hope, they weren't wearing shoes. "We can" send shoes. We can work together, with the help of others who have same-heart-desires for change.

Big Girl Birthday

Our little princess turned 6 today. It is amazing to me how much she has grown in the last 19 months. Especially since we learned that she was older then we thought. The whole age thing really has turned out to be a miracle in disguise. Being only 2 1/2 years younger then her brother has worked out great because they (usually) get along so well. Since it was a Monday it was a busy night but she really wanted to celebrate her birthday on its new date. So we went to Chuck E Cheese Pizza where we played lots of games, danced with Chuck E, ate pizza and cake, and opened presents. Then after putting the kids to bed I got to finish writing a huge report for work. O.k. I am tired now. Sleep well all my children, those here and those waiting to be here. You are in our thoughts!

Fields of Vegetables

Today we went as a family to a Harvest Festival at Miller's Farm located in Platteville, CO. If you live in the area of northern Colorado this is a great deal. Your admission includes all the activities such as the corn maze, barrel train rides, bouncy thing, and feeding the goats. But the main attraction to Miller's Farm is the vegetable picking. Your whole family jumps on a hayride type trailer pulled by a tractor and they take you out to the fields. You get to stop at each section where different crops are grown and you can pick up to six 20 pound bags per person in your family. For us that calculates out to 24 bags or 480 pounds of vegetables. We spent over 4 hours in the fields and picked corn, peppers, cabbage, broccoli, leeks, onions, zucchini, cucumbers, pumpkins, gourds, red potatoes, kohlrabi, turnips, and carrots. Thankfully they have a zillion little metal wagons that you get to use to transport the bags of vegetables from the trailer drop-off point to your car in the parking lot. We actually ran out of time at one spot and ended up picking two fewer bags then our allotted amount, but oh well, we now have a TON of vegetables to store, freeze, and can. So we are stocked with vegetables and had a great day of fun in the sun for only $50 (their price for a family of four). Check them out at http://www.millerfarms.net/

And did I mention that we also have a garden at home and I have already canned pickles and countless bushels of plums from the young and prolific plum tree? What am I thinking, it is not as if I have a ton of time on my hands to be acting like Ms. Homemaker. However, I have a soft spot for whole foods and after all my current and future childrens' health just might depend on it.

Dream

I had a dream last night, as real as if I was wide awake. I was informed by the Ministry that our children (yes that is plural) had been matched with us, a infant boy around 10-12 months old and a little girl just under age 3. I could see the email from the Ministry's office. There were no actual pictures of the children or information yet as they were writing that there was one more thing to be taken care of. Now whether or not my mind is playing tricks on me I don't know but I am confident that our children have been selected and I am predicting that we will receive our referral sometime in the next two weeks. So today I have this urge to start nesting, there are after all more things to get done. I have picture books to catch up on, children's clothes to sort, drawers and closets to reorganize, and a friendly visit to the travel clinic we must all make. Oh what a joy it is to be "Blessed to be Stressed"! And of course there will be shopping to do. As soon as I get those weights I will have to go buy little clothes. There are a few items that we are in definite need of including a Ergo Baby Carrier which will be a life saver when one of our kidos wants to be carried all the time. It is the best and most lightweight carrier to save the back. I thought I had lucked out and found one on Craiglist but it has already sold. New ones sell for about $100 to $120. Uhg.

Disney's Princess and The Frog

FINALLY!!!!! Disney has come to their senses and are releasing a new film with a African American girl as the main character. I have avoided buying Disney Princess themed stuff for my daughter because it has always irritated me that there was not a African American princess. So I was excited to see that the dolls are already out and the movie trailer is being released for the film which will be in theaters in December. It is titled "The Princess and The Frog" and is unique in that it involved hand drawn animation as a alternative to all the new computer animated films. It is a comedy set in New Orleans. Now I am sure it is not completely historically accurate and there will be some controvery over Disney not getting it right. But it is a start. The website for the film is http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/princessandthefrog/

And my favorite (A little expensive but worth it) African American hair care line is marketing on the film and will have available for a limited time this fall a Princess and The Frog themed girls hair care line at http://www.carolsdaughter.com/display.do?ruleID=100396&utm_source=cheetah&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20090923-FREESCRUBMEMBERCHANCE

Common Sense Prevails

Well every once in awhile common sense prevails in the world of adoption rules, regulations, and recommendations. Recently some very outdated regulations regarding the medical testing and treatment for young children being adopted who may test positive for TB were updated. Here is the info, with a link to a link.

http://www.jcics.org/Build%20Families%20Not%20Barriers.htm

Orphanage Donation Drive

We are keeping ourselves busy right now by collecting donations that we will take to the Home of Hope Orphanage in Kigali, Rwanda. It is my understanding that there is a definate need there. When we traveled to Ethiopia to adopt our daughter we brought two huge suitcases full of donations for her care center as well as for the AHOPE orphanage. This is the best way for them to get the items that they need as shipping to Africa is obviously enormously expensive. So we are filling up bins again that we will disperse into our luggage when we travel to Rwanda. The following is a list of the items that we are collecting. If you have any of these things laying around that you would like to get to us just drop me a line.

Infant Motrin or Tylenol /Children's Motrin or Tylenol
Children's Cough Medicine
Antibacterial Cream
Antifungal Cream
Latex Gloves
Infant/Toddler Blankets
Bedding for Cribs or Toddler Beds
All Children's Sizes Clothing, Undergarments, and Socks
All Children's Sizes Slip on Shoes (Crocs)
Infant toys (Washable only, No Stuffed Animals)
Toddler Developmental Toys (Shape sorters, stacking toys, large legos, plastic building blocks)
Simple large piece puzzles
Sturdy Board Books
Coloring Books andColoring Paper
Crayons, Colored Pencils, Washable Markers, and Pencils

Update

We have had some news from Rwanda this week, all coming from various sources, but very encouraging that progress is being made.

1) I believe that the head sister at Home of Hope Orphanage has received several approval letters from the Ministry and is working on the matches so that she can return them to the Ministry for their approval.
2) I received a email directly from the person at the Ministry's office who handles the adoption paperwork. She stated that my previous email to her was helpful in clearing up our request for two children and she asked that I also directly forward it to the Minister herself (which of course I promptly did!). When I responded back with a "Thank You" she responded back again with a "O.k. Thank You." Wow, I feel so close to these wonderful women in Rwanda already!
3) We have been able to follow the process ocurring for the three families who were in Rwanda and now in Ethiopia with their 5 newly adopted children. They have reported on some difficulties in their process so thankfully we have a "heads up" on these issues and can work with our agency and POA to prevent these same snags when we travel. We went into this understanding that adoption in Rwanda was still new and the process changing so I am not overly concerned or discouraged. It might just take some extra perfectionism with paperwork on my part.

So if I was to take any guesses at what could be happening. Maybe just maybe our match has been made by the wonderful sisters at Home of Hope and that match has been sent onto the Minister's office and it was for two children. And that is why today I heard from the Minister's office wanting me to forward our confirmation that we are in fact requesting two children. So if my hypothesis were to be correct then I am assuming that after the Minister of Gender and Family Promotion aproves our match that the children will then receive their medical testing and when those results come back we will receive our referral. Just a warning, my hypothesis is entirely a hypothesis. I could be totally wrong and we may have alot longer then even one more month to wait.

What's in a Name?

We are half way into our wait for our referral and one of the things I am anxious to learn is the names of our children. Why is this a big deal to me? Well because in most countries in Africa, a name is not just a name. For instance, in Ethiopia the child's first name is often given by a family member and means something significant to that child. His or her second name is the father's first name and the third name would then be the paternal grandfather's first name. For this reason I felt it really important to keep a portion of our daughter's given name in Ethiopia. Plus she was old enough that she already knew her name. So we retained the same spelling of her first name and her second name from Ethiopia and then added my maiden last name as a second middle name and gave her our family's last name. The meaning of her first name in Amharic is Resurrection and she is proud to tell people her full name.

I have not decided yet what the names of our children in Rwanda will be because I want to learn their names given in Rwanda first. The whole naming thing can be a complicated one. I think it is fine if a adoptive parent chooses early the name they want for their child but I personally feel better weighing out all the factors. How old is the child? Does he or she already know their name? Who named the child? Does the meaning of his or her name have any significance to their birth story? Will the name be easily pronounced in the United States? This last one is fairly important, but there is always the option of using a "nickname" for the child as well. So I am waiting and in the meantime doing my research.

I am reading a excellent but emotional book titled "Over a Thousand Hills I Walk With You" by Hanna Jansen. Hanna is the mother of a adopted daughter who was orphaned in the Rwandan genocide. I am not sure why the daughter was not a co-author of the book and I sure hope that she is the one receiving the proceeds, but despite my concerns it really is one of the most moving recollections of survival that I have read. Primarily because it is told from the memories of a child. What she survived at her young age is truly remarkable. Then at the beginning of each chapter is a excerpt from the present, from the adoptive mother who describes her very insightful interactions with her new daughter. The whole reason I bring up the book though is because it gives a beautiful description of the importance of names in Rwanda. Here is a snippet:

"The African ones. They are your first names, you say, although they come second. The name is chosen right after the birth of a child, when the parents see it for the first time. It means something that is given to the child as a direction or as a gift to take on its way.

You say that who the baby looks like, for example, could determine the name. Or some thing that happened while the baby was still on the way. Or the first impression the baby makes on the parents.

So the second name is not a family name. It has nothing to do with relationship. That confused me a great deal in the beginning. But now I understand that your name does not have a bureaucratic use. That it is a legacy that accompanies you. Your whole life.

The first names only come later. At baptism. And from them nicknames usually."

Miraculous Monday

Check out the organization that my coworker, fellow (previous) graduate student and friend has founded with her husband to assist children in Latin America. I worry, in particular, that since Guatemala stopped international adoptions that they may have also lost some humanitarian support coming from those traveling families. So check out their work at: http://www.service-usla.org/

Flashforward and Feelings of Peace

When I was waiting for our referral from Ethiopia and anxious to be making travel plans I savored every bit of news that I could obtain from families who had previously traveled and adopted. I now find myself in a similar situation, although I would say that this time around I am less anxious and a whole lot more relaxed about the whole thing. With the receipt of our "Letter of Non-Objection" from Rwanda dated 8/12/09 came a huge relief for me. While I can't wait to see the faces of our children I am now feeling very patient about the whole thing. There are currently three families from our agency in Rwanda right now meeting with their children and completing the remainder of their paperwork and procedures. Thanks to the power of technology we are able to get a glimpse into the miracles that they are experiencing on the other side of the world. Their blogs are:

http://lifechange.typepad.com/lifechange/
http://limmerfamilyadventure.blogspot.com/
http://higginsadoption.blogspot.com/

In reading one blog in particular, from the Limmer family, there are moments of joy as well as sorrow as she speaks of their experience in visiting the Genocide Memorial and of abandoned babies arriving to the orphanage just this weekend. This information stirs my emotions but does not surprise me and for some strange reason I feel more at peace this weekend. I believe that our dossier has been at the orphanage for several weeks now and maybe our children have been chosen, maybe they were already chosen long, long ago.

And on a much more shallow note, I have accepted that there may be no fix to my internet problem on our desktop computer and maybe this is just meant to be. That is the computer that houses all our pictures and other important documents so perhaps it is best. We also found a great deal today and we will be receiving installation from a new internet provider with high speed internet and a landline phone with unlimited long distance for only $40 a month. Yeah, I figure with more children in the house it might be a good safety precaution to actually have a telephone that is not dependant upon battery life and working satellite networks.

Cash for Clunkers Babies-R-Us Style

The problem with old car seats is just that, they are old and not safe. Therefore you really cannot do anything with them, not really ethical to sell them and the thrift stores will not even take them. So what is the solution? I am glad to say that the stores Babies-R-Us and joint Toys-R-Us are offering parents a 20% off coupon good for the purchase of a select brand car sear, stroller, highchair, or crib on the same day that you bring in a old one. I am thus pleased to announce that I have disposed of my son's infant car seat as well as the matching stroller that was way to worn in and had a broken lap strap thus making it impossible to actually stap a kid into the stroller. In turn I saved $20 on a awesome folding and height adjustable Baby Trend highchair

and $40 of a Britax car seat. Yep, that's right Britax, the top rated car seats on the market are participating! Funny thing is, I have always thought it strange (and funny) that they have a car seat with fabric that looks like a cow, and who would have know, that is the seat we bought. Only because there was no other fabric option in at the store, but the more I look at it, it is growing on me. So all in all I think we got a good deal today, even if I could have sold the old items at a rummage sale, I would have never got that much money for them and I would have felt really guilty selling them. To check out the participating brands go to the store website, but you only have untill
September 20th.

Computers and Smoke, Oh My!

O.k. I am having computer problems and I HATE computer problems. We have a laptop which is mostly used for work and a desktop which we all use at home. Recently our Internet connection on the desktop became really slow after a pop-up program called "MyFreeze" started appearing. We have three different anti-virus and anti-spyware programs on the computer and none of them can get rid of this thing. Then unfortunately when I went to get on the internet on the desktop the other night there was no accessible web page despite the internet connection being all good. So to make a long story short I am obsessing over how to fix the problem and have not come up with a solution yet. Even if I get rid of the Spyware problem how do I get the internet browser to work again? Any suggestions?

On a side note, I am praying for everyone in CO who has asthma or weak respitory systems. We woke up to a cloudy sky which at first I thought meant cold weather and then my son pointed out that the sun was bright red. Turns out the sky today had a eary haze to it from the wild fires burning all the way from California, which made it look cloudy all day and caused the morning sun to take on a strange red glow. It still smells outside like a giant bomb fire. Needless to say it is not helping my son or husband any who have allergies.