We're Back!

Well we have finally returned to Colorado from our extended spring break vacation in Arizona. I cannot complain as the weather there was beautiful. We were however scheduled to return last Thursday night but the same day Denver was hit by a horrible snow storm and the airport was closed. This left us with a canceled flight and Southwest airlines insisted that they could get us back to CO no sooner then today, Monday. So the kids enjoyed three more days of vacation but I unfortunately missed my first day back to work after spring break. I guess there are just some things in life that you cannot control. It looks like like allot has happened in the Rwanda adoption world while we were away. One more family from our agency has been approved by the Rwandan government to adopt and several more Dossiers have arrived in Rwanda. Plus a family working with a different agency received their referral for a beautiful baby boy. I remember when we received our referral for our daughter, it was both a amazing and heartbreaking moment to see her picture for the first time but to also learn of her difficult circumstances. As far as our paperwork, our family coordinator was also out of town last week so not sure where things are at, most likely our Dossier is at the Rwandan Embassy in D.C.

It Looks Great!

These are the words from our family coordinator. Our Dossier will now be on it's way to Washington DC be certified at the Rwanda Embassy and then onto Rwanda. In the meantime me and kids are going to be on our way for a much needed break in the sun in Arizona. This will be Tensae's first plane ride since coming home one year ago. She is excited and I am sure will be amazed at what a short flight it is after her last airplane experience!

Words from Matthew

So we have news today, our dossier was received on the desk of our family coordinator at AWAA. I have not heard back yet on whether or not all the paperwork was in order but I hope so because I double checked it more then twice. Unfortunately my heart is heavy today. I have learned that when good things happen to you in life, such as the completion of a hard earned PhD, there is always someone who does not respond back in kindness or support. Perhaps there is just something about human nature that it is hard to see others prosper, even after their own hardship, when they themselves are feeling empty. My life has not always been easy, my husband and I have experienced our share of loss and hardship. Fortunately we have had the resources to overcome and to learn and to be where we are in our lives today. Even as a psychologist I am not sure what specific factors lead one person to overcome difficulty while another does not. I do know, and I am not one to quote scripture to often,that today these words are helping me to find some peace with those you are lacking peace in themselves:

Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." (Matthew 5:38-39)...Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. (Matthew 5:38-44)

A Life Well Lived...

I was heartbroken to learn that today Haregewoin Teferra died at her home in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. For those of you who do not know, Heregewoin was the focus and inspiration for the book "There is No Me Without You". The book is eye opening, heartbreaking, and informative. Heregewoin was a living example of resilience after loss. She herself lost her husband, a biology teacher and principal, to a sudden death and then her own grown daughter to illness. She reluctantly began fostering a teen girl which led to her taking in more and more children in desperate need. She eventually opened her own foster care compound consisting of two homes. She cared for many children who were HIV positive long before there were medical treatments available for these children and when no one else would take them in, let alone consider adopting them. My prayers are with her, her family, and all the children and adults whose lives she blessed.

Her story as well as information on the book and how to help in Ethiopia can be found here:
http://www.thereisnomewithoutyou.com/the_foster_mother

Top Ten Update

So much has been happening as of late that it seems simplier to provide a Top Ten List:

1) To our surprise we received our I-171H approval form from USCIS last Friday the 13th
(so much for the day bringing bad luck).
2) We tried to get the dossier documents notarized on Saturday but the notary's commission expired next month, this turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I found some errors on my paperwork that needed correcting.
3) So today we went to the notary, my husband drove to pick up a copy of our original homestudy, then drove to the Secretary of State only to find that one of our notary's had made a error, so back to another notary and back to the Secretary of State's office again.
4) Good news, it is all taken care of so the documents will be ready to be picked up tommorrow. We will copy them and send off the final dossier.
5) We learned today that another family from, whose dossier had been in Rwanda for 5 months, just received approval from the Rwanda Ministry of Women and Gender for their adoption.
6) Then we learned that a second family also received approval today and their dossier had only been in Rwanda the last two months.
7) I also was introduced by another Ethiopian adoptive mom to a couple who lives in CO and recently adopted a older school-age child from Rwanda. I am so excited to meet them and their amazing son.
8) We also learned that another family who has already adopted from Rwanda is moving to CO. This means that not only will we continue to have a large group of children who we know here in CO adopted from Ethiopia but we have a growing number adopted from Rwanda as well. I think this is so wonderful for the children to see each other.
9) On another note spring has already hit CO and the weather is beautiful and the bulbs are already blooming. It is a wonderful feeling in the air.
10) And last but not least, me and the kids are so excited to be heading of to Arizona at the end of this week to visit my parents and to bask in the sun!

"Love Never Loses It's Way Home"

One week ago on March 7th it was one year since our daughter arrived to our home. We celebrated by going out to one of our favorite Ethiopian Restaraunts and then attended a evening of West African singing, dancing, drumming, and storytelling called the BaoBao Festival. Yes I know Ethiopia is certainly not in West Africa, but we enjoyed the event all the same and it was nice to see so many people attending who represented many different African countries. And to our surprise the same Ethiopian Restaraunt where we had ate, earlier in the evening, was also serving food at the event. I always love it when Tensae sees older women from Ethiopia because their love for all the children of their country is so obvious. By the end of the evening she had been talked to, hugged, and kissed by so many magnificant Ethiopian women. I could feel their positive energy being transferred to her. I titled this post after the theme for the event this year, ODO NNYEW FIE KWAN "Love Never Loses It's Way Home". I really like this saying because I know that as a adoptive mother that my daughter really has two homes and two sets of extended family and countries who love her dearly. We have been so blessed to see her blossom before our eyes in the last year but my heart is often heavy when I think of the people who she had to leave behind. It is hard for me to say that "She was meant to be ours" because I would give anything for her to have not experienced the pain and loss that she has in her very young life. I consider us to have two families now, one who we see everyday and one who is in our heart everyday.
Check out the performers who we saw:
http://www.1000-voices.com/home
http://www.streetsidedance.com/media.html
http://www.baobaofest.org/

Is There a Doctor in the House?

Well not yet but almost! The whole reason we moved to Colorado was for me to begin pursuit of my PhD in psychology. Well that was 5 and 1/2 years ago and it is about time that I get that degree in hand! It's not that I have not been doing anything, it's just that when I started working as a full-time school psychologist two years ago the dissertation took the backseat. So I am pleased to say that after some inspiration, and 220 pages later, I am done writing! I will officially defend my dissertation to my faculty committee on April 29th, at which time they will reccommend more changes that I will make, then I will make more changes in formatting for the graduate school and when all the paperwork is in check I will officially have a PhD degree in hand. What I am most excited about is that I will get to walk through the graduation ceremony this spring and both of my children will be there to watch. I can't believe how much my son has grown in the last 5 years. All he remembers is mommy being a graduate student, but this does not seem to be such a bad thing as he thinks it is completely normal to pursue lifelong education.

And so here he is at the start of my PhD program:

And here he is this fall/winter. I think he has grown a bit?

Ethiopia Travel Log: Arrival Home!

FRIDAY March 7th,

So the last thing that anyone wants to do after finishing a 16 hour plane ride is to arrive at a confusing airport, stand around in more lines, and get back on another plane. But this is of course exactly what we had to do. When you arrive on an international flight in Washington, DC you go straight through to immigration, I did not even see a bathroom. So we stood around in line, went through a checkpoint, had to collect our luggage, which was spread out all over the place and mixed in with other luggage tossed on the floor. Again, thank goodness for free luggage carts. Then we slowly moved our way to the real officials who opened Tensae’s sealed envelope of immigration paperwork (prepared by the adoption agency in Ethiopia) and again no problems so we moved on to another checkpoint and then maneuvered our way to a elevator and all the way through the airport to re-check our luggage onto our United airlines flight. At this point we find out that our seats were not assigned by our travel agent and we have three separate seats, thankfully 2 of them are only separated by one other person and the third seat is a window seat. So they tell us very nicely that we have good seats to negotiate and we should ask someone to switch with us. We then head to the bathroom to change clothes and clean up as much as possible. Despite all our efforts we still look like we have not showered in days! We had just enough time to pick up a snack, finding out that Tensae likes French fries and a vanilla shake. When we get in line to board, the plane early we are shocked when the unfriendly airline person tells us that on United airlines young children are not considered a handicap and cannot board early! We were both irate, as if it was not obvious that we were exhausted and had a very unhappy child. Thankfully the other people on the plane were rather understanding, a nice young man switched seats, a few asked us about the adoption and I apologized in advance for any crying and screaming. This time I did not even buckle her in I just put her in the sling and held her until she fell asleep (after more crying of course).

So, at around 2pm we landed at DIA in Colorado. We were very excited to see Ethan so it was really nice of Tony’s parents to drive both cars so that he could be there. We took some quick pictures, gathered our giant pile of luggage and headed to the cars. I prepared myself for another tantrum when we buckled her into the car seat but amazingly, she did great. I think it helped her to see Ethan sitting in a booster and seatbelt. She and I fell asleep on the drive home and then she woke up and explored the house. I was surprised with how well she was doing but of course after dinner and a bath we finally had another major tantrum. I would say that this was the worst that we have experienced so far and hopefully the last of that degree. Given however the plane ride, time change, new environment and language barrier I think, she had every rite to throw an enormous, completely out of her mind, fit. I went ahead and put her in bed with us when she fell asleep and we all slept 10 hours.

Ethiopia Travel Log: Day 8

Thursday March 6th,

This morning we had a treat for breakfast, fresh cinnamon rolls. They were excellent! I am going to miss having a personal cook! Today we had a Ethiopian cooking class at the guest house which really consisted more of them showing us what the food looks like while it is cooking and then seeing how the injera is made. The whole injera thing is so unique to Ethiopia and really not that hard to make once you get the hang of it. The catch is you need Teft flour which is grown primarily in Ethiopia so we did manage to buy a pound to bring back to the US. Now when I will find the time to grow yeast (that needs to sit for three days) and cook up Injera we will see! We also got the treat of witnessing another coffee ceremony right in the living room of the guest house. The coffee ceremony basically involves roasting freshly dried coffee beans over hot coals, then simmering the beans and brewing the coffee right there. It really is the best coffee you will ever taste! The rest of the morning I spent packing, packing, and more packing. We were able to pack the empty suitcases (which brought over the donations) with all the stuff we had bought. Tensae was a little “off” today, but so were all the kids. I think they knew that something was going on with all the suitcases piled up all over the guesthouse living room. We received her original documents and passport with visa today as well as a completed “lifebook” and two c.d.’s; one showing her stay at the care center and the other showing her where she is from. It will be really nice to have this information for her when the time comes.

So after supper all 10 families and children were packed up, and suitcases out in the courtyard, and we are all wondering how the heck they are going to get us all to the airport in two vans! Thankfully they had an additional driver come and an extra car so the impossible was achieved. The ride to the airport was somewhat treacherous. Picture me with a little girl sitting on my lap and another other mother with a baby on her lap and no seatbelts or car seats and tons of traffic on a poorly paved road with people running across the road at any time. And oh yeah there are no traffic lights at the intersections either. The most stressful part of the day however, was still to come. Once we arrived at the Ethiopian airport all the luggage was set out in the parking lot. One suitcase belonging to another family mysteriously disappeared. Most likely in all the chaos someone walking by grabbed it. Tony managed to find a luggage cart and piled up all 6 suitcases plus the mesab (large basket) table onto it while I carried Tensae in the sling. We then pushed it all through the parking lot, showed our passports before entering the building, put everything through a security checkpoint upon entering the building, loaded it all up again and then stood in a REALLY LONG line to check into the Ethiopian airlines flight. While Tony was in line I ran to the table with the Mesab and had is shrink wrapped to get ready to get it ready to check it on as one of our bags. I think it cost a $1 or $2 in US, so well worth it. Finally we checked in, went through another carry on luggage checkpoint, went though immigration (thankfully with no problems) then got into the airport and found out we had to go through security again and then after that stand in line to AGAIN show our passports and tickets to the flight attendant before finally boarding the airplane. Ugg! Once on the plan we experienced what we were thankfully partly prepared for. Let’s just say that children in Ethiopia have no experience with seatbelts so when we strapped her in we experienced the full array of extreme toddler behavior which included screaming, crying, hitting, kicking, pinching, and finally biting Tony. Thank goodness, she eventually cried her exhausted and confused self to sleep and slept for the next 7 hours. At around that point we refueled in Rome (nope we did not get to get off the airplane) and then spent the 9 hours with an awake and not happy toddler on a crammed airplane. Thank goodness there were at least 10 other adoptive families on the same plane so we were not the only exhausted looking parents with a unhappy and noisy kid. A word on Ethiopian airlines the food is great, they feed you three large meals plus snack and drinks but the entertainment system is less then desirable. There are only a few t.v.’s hooked to the roof of the airplane in the aisles and they literally put in VHS tapes to watch so there is no selection. In addition, after 16 hours the bathroom was last place you want to go. I was extremely impressed that our resilient little girl did not have one single wetting accident on the entire plane ride. We were able to keep her somewhat busy with coloring books, sticker books, listening to music on the headphones, and small toys like her toy cell phone.

Ethiopia Travel Log: Day 7

Wednesday march 5th

All in all we did well last night for our first overnight together. The nannies told us that
Tensae is difficult to put to sleep but that once she is asleep she usually sleeps all night. This would pretty much describe our first night. She was crabby and did not want to lay down so I put her in the sling and walked around the guest house until she finally crashed. Then I got to do that thing that all parents know about where you move and stop, move and stop in order to get her in bed without waking her up. She did seem to have some nightmares as she whimpered in her sleep every now and then but never fully woke up. She was happy when she woke up and seemed to recognize us right away. We all had fresh pancakes for breakfast and then played outside in the courtyard. She loves riding the tricycles and playing ball. We are amazed with her motor skills (she can make a perfect running kick with a soccer ball and has an excellent overhand throw) and are pretty sure that she will excel in sports. We later walked over to the other guesthouse where they have a dog. We had heard that many Ethiopian children are afraid of dogs so we thought it would be good to introduce her. She was cautious but did pet the dogs tail while sitting on Tony’s lap. None of the other kids would go near the scruffy thing. Afterwards we walked up the block to visit Home Depot, yes they have their own version of Home Depot in Addis Ababa Ethiopia. She thought everything in the store was amazing, especially the big tv’s and bathtubs. I am guessing however that not many people there can afford them. On the way home we stopped at a little shanty store in front of someone’s house and bought soccer balls for $2 US which say Ethiopian Millennium on them (since their calendar is 7 years behind, they just celebrated the millennium this year). Some others in our travel group went there later to buy more, I am pretty sure we made that kids day. Oh, a little tip on how to blow up a soccer ball in Ethiopia. Put the needle in the ball, place your mouth on the needle and blow! The rest of the day was pretty similar, play, sleep, eat except that we did take a short trip with some of the older kids to do more shopping. I put Tensae in the sling again and she seemed to enjoy window shopping with mom. It is evident that she already has some opinions about what clothes she likes and does not like.

Ethiopia Travel Log: Day 6

Tuesday March 4th,

Today went very well. We started this morning with a goodbye ceremony at the care center for the children being adopted. Tensae handled it very well, as she had to say goodbye to her friends and nannies. They were dressed in traditional Ethiopian dresses, the older kids sang, the whole group said a prayer and the children put their handprints on the wall with paint. We then were allowed to finally take our children for good! So we came back to the guesthouse and Tensae had fun playing, she was so excited when the van pulled up to the guesthouse she almost jumped out the door before we had stopped moving. We were able to give her a shower and let her pick out one of her new outfits. Then this afternoon we went to the US embassy and spent a lot time waiting but we were prepared with toys and activities for Tensae. Once again she was a sweet heart. When we got back this evening we had dinner and played. Tensae is proving to be a very smart little girl, she likes mimicking what we say and so far has been able to communicate her wants and needs successfully. She also likes smiling a lot and seems to simply enjoy life. We feel very privileged to have such special daughter.

Ethiopia Travel Log: Day 5

MONDAY March 3rd,

Well today was our first day to take Tensae to the guest house and to be able to take pictures. It was cute because she was wearing her pajamas that we had sent her many months ago after we received our referral. They were now a little small on her. This was a amazing experience but it was short lived. We were supposed to go tour the infant care center and then get to bring Tensae back to the guesthouse for a 1/2 day. However by the time we picked her up and got to the guest house it was 10:30, then at 12:00, just when lunch had been put out we were told we had to take our daughter (with another child and her parents) to go get "sized" for the dresses for the ceremony tomorrow. Therefore, we had to take them away from being happy and playing and get in a car to go back to where they sleep. It was the first time I have seen her cry. She did not make any noise, just tears flowing everywhere. When we got there no one knew what was going on and we were told to get back in the car then to get out again, a woman came and took her away and then they put the dresses on them that they are not supposed to wear until we see them tomorrow morning. They brought them back and we drove back again to the guesthouse. At 1pm we finally fed them lunch and then the van showed up to take them back to the care center.

Since they took the kids back a driver then gave us a tour of the hospital which is supported by the adoption agency and then we went to see the Addis museum where Lucy is "supposed" to be. It was a nice museum and there were lots of traditional artifacts that I took pictures of but then when we went to see Lucy we found out that it was a fake cast because the real Lucy is on tour in the US this year. I guess we would not have known the difference if they had never told us but still a bummer. I think all the families are rather stressed at this point as we all walked to a nearby hotel for a break from the guesthouse, then the guy's played a heated basketball game in the court, and people are still up talking and venting at 11pm. Anyways tomorrow morning we go have a "farewell" ceremony with the nannies and the children but the weird thing is I don't think we actually get to take custody of the kids until the afternoon when we go to the embassy. Ugghhh.

Ethiopia Travel Log: Day 4

Sunday March 2nd,

Well today we woke up earlier then needed, at 3:30am. We made ourselves toast since the cooks had the morning off, called our son to say hi and waited for our ride. It was very cool to see 10 Land Rovers pull up in a convoy outside the guest house. One vehicle per couple/family. It was very cold and pitch black when we left at 5am. We headed south out of Addis Ababa and gradually watched the buildings turn to tin shacks and eventually spread out and turn into huts. We watched the sunrise behind the hills and took the landscape (This is when I took the picture posted at the bottom of this blog). There were lots of women and children out at this time with large water jugs going to get water at the closest well. Often the children were alone doing this chore, some very young. We did see a group of baboons right along the side of the road in a more heavily wooded area. It was still somewhat dark though and we drove by so fast that we were unable to get a picture. It took about three hours to arrive in the rural southern city of Hossana. The road was only recently paved and it used to take 5 hours on an unpaved and bumpy road so we were grateful. In Hosanna we had the privilege of meeting a member of our daughter's birth family. This was a very emotional time for all of us. It was clear that she was and is still very loved and that the decision was made because of extreme poverty and very sad circumstances. We were grateful to have many questions answered as well as to introduce ourselves and state our commitment to raising her to know the culture where she came from. We will tell her, her story when she is older, then it will be her decision as to what information she wants to share and with who. After the meeting we were able to take a picture and all the families had a prayer and transition ceremony where we received a candle from the family member. Again all ten adoptive families and birth families were present at this time. It was heart wrenching to see the poverty, despair, and illness among the birth family members. I have to say that I have never seen so many people (including all the men) crying in my life. After this, we observed a traditional Ethiopian coffee ceremony where the beans were roasted on hot coals, boiled and served fresh.

We then drove to tour a real Ethiopian hut so that we could see first hand the type of home that our children were born in and lived in. We also toured the orphanage in Hossana where the children are directly brought to in the southern region. There were babies everywhere, so tiny and so vulnerable yet they smiled and responded to us all really well. At each stop we were surrounded by children, some disabled, some in tattered clothes with huge holes, they would just come out of nowhere, and not necessarily to beg, but more so to watch and get any form of attention that they could. In a country with half the population under age 18 many of the children just wander around all day on their own. The begging was considerably less in the rural southern region then in the city of Addis Ababa. I did finally give in when there was a boy with a deformed leg with an exposed wound on his knee, he was crawling around the street. We bought some buns and handed them out to the kids, really just because I wanted to make sure that he got one. I know that it was not ideal because of course we did not have enough for everyone and there was no fair way to go about it. On the way back to Addis it was afternoon and every few miles there would be a herd of cows or goats in the street or crossing the street. Sometimes they were being herded by young men but most often young boys and some girls. We were able to stop and take pictures of the scenery here and there but otherwise the drivers tended to drive very fast and swerving here and there every time there was an animal or person in the road. He would honk at the animals as well and often they would move. I think the cows, goats, and donkeys really are smarter here in Ethiopia. I asked why some were just wondering around and if anyone owned them. The driver said that yes people own them and that even though the animals are not marked or fenced everyone knows which one belongs to who and the animals go home at night to their owner. Our dogs definitely have something to learn with this! Back at the guest house we walked to a pizza place for supper. Yes, they have pizza in Ethiopia and it was fantastic. Everyone is tired and a little edgy tonight. It was an amazing but also exhausting day on so many levels. Tomorrow we will go pick up Tensae to bring her to see the guesthouse for a few hours then take our donations to AHOPE orphanage in the afternoon and visit the museum where the skeleton of Lucy is at.

Ethiopia Travel Log: Day 3

SATURDAY MARCH 1ST:

Well today was Saturday, our second full-day in Ethiopia, and we are still alive and well. I think we are actually doing VERY well despite a few bumps here and there. We did wake-up to a variation of trickling to no water in the guesthouse this morning. Both water and electricity occasionally just goes out in parts of the city. We got to visit Tensae again this morning and it went well. She ran out to our van as soon as we arrived and this time wanted to be held the entire time we were with her. We showed her a picture book that we brought and she was very interested in it, pointing to each person and thing in each picture and wanting us to tell her who or what it is. We purposefully included a lot of pictures of the dogs so that hopefully she will get used to the idea. It was a short morning visit and as soon as she heard the van honk at the outside gate she became distracted and looked sad. She knew that meant that we would be leaving. We then went to the main CHSFS office and had a meeting with the doctor, social worker, journalist, and nanny to receive more information. We watched a video that they had made of her history and it was a very emotional thing for me to see. We then got to go back to see her again for a short time and to observe her lunch. She again was excited to see us and wanted us to feed her. We then went back to the guest house, had lunch and loaded into the vans to go shopping.

I already had an idea of some of the important things that I wanted to buy for her to have from her home country so that helped. We only spent a short time at each spot so even though everything is so cheap (once you compare prices and haggle a bit) and we now have two large empty suitcases to fill back up, I did not buy as much as I would have liked because we ran out of time. I am hoping that we may have some more time to pick up a few more things, especially coffee. I was able to purchase a "mesab" table which is the woven basket like table as well as other baskets, a Ethiopian doll, several girls dresses of various sizes, a outfit for Ethan, shirts for us, a beautiful table cloth with matching placemats, and a traditional coffee pot (just for looks). While shopping we were surrounded by beggars, some very young children and mothers. I dealt with it by simply detaching, I did not talk to them or make eye contact. I felt bad about this but we were told not to give out money for multiple reasons (let me know if you want to know why). Others in our travel group had a very hard time and were really stressed by the beggars. There were a few men who were disabled and crawling on the ground by our van. Others were so persistent in trying to sell us things right at the windows that a female police officer came to stand guard by the vans. When we finished our drivers drove us through the Mercado, which is the largest outdoor market in Ethiopia. It was surreal, people and shanty like shops everywhere with donkeys carrying loads down the street and wandering goats. It is apparently not a safe place to be so we never got out of the van but I did take pictures.

As if that was not a busy enough day we then went to dinner at a hotel which has a traditional Ethiopian buffet type dinner with singing and dancers. So here I am typing away. The time change has not affected me much, I seem to be one of the first ones up and one of the last to bed. I know the morning part will surprise many of you who know me well! We will be up very early tomorrow as the Landrovers will be coming to pick us up at 5am to go on our trip to the southern rural region. I am really looking forward to seeing the scenery and maybe some animals. We will be traveling to the city of Hossana and possibly meeting Tensae's existing family members. I think it will be very helpful as well as very emotional. We will not be able to visit Tensae tomorrow so I am sad about that but know that in a few days she will in our arms forever.