Orphan Sunday: What are you Waiting For?

I was honored to witness a miraculous thing this evening. The Esther's Hope Ministry at Mission Community Church of Gilbert, AZ hosted a celebration for families who are fostering, have adopted, or are interested in either. http://www.mission68.org/ Everything but the food was completely free including bounce houses, face painting, balloons, cotton candy, petting zoo, pony rides, a picture booth, and live music. The miracle was getting to see so many happy, smiling kids of all sizes and colors. When I think about the conditions that my two adopted children  were in years ago, I am simply speechless at the metamorphosis that has occurred before my very eyes. See, children don't just need their basic needs to be met, although that is certainly important, they also need the love and security of a family. The amazing thing is, that not only have they changed, so have I. For as many sacrifices that I have made, financially, emotionally, physically; the joy and abundance of love that I have received back from my children is ten fold. When Pat Robertson made his comments about adopted children being "weird", he was clearly very misinformed. We are all weird in our own way, and the vast majority of the most self-centered, poorly motivated youth that I have worked with were not adopted children. Has our path in international adoption been easy? Definitely it has not. With each of our children, we have had to work through different losses, histories, and memories that haunt them even if they cannot remember. We gave everything we had for Vanessa and we did not end up being the best fit to be her forever family. But in the process we did witness and facilitate incredible change and growth, change that helped prepare her for the family that was meant for her.

And so today on Orphan Sunday, I challenge you to answer the call that has been given. How can you make a difference to the 147 million orphans on this earth? It could be adoption, or foster care. But it could also be to sponsor a child internationally, to volunteer or mentor locally, or to support another family who you know who may be wanting to adopt or foster but are faced with the financial roadblock. It only takes one to make a difference one child at a time.

Refocusing, Revitalizing, Renewing.....

It is time to make a change. For my friends and family who are part of my Facebook world you have been able to witness this change. If you have noticed, my posts have switched to (mostly) non-issue worthy life events. Those things like pictures of my animals and random comments about daily life. See I need a break from the drama, a bridge to the calm. Don't get me wrong, I know the drama is still there. Our life is far from perfect, and the world is full of injustice, pain, and suffering. I have answered the call, I have gave till it hurt, and I have loved to the point of pain. Now I need to pull back for the sake of my remaining children, husband, and self. Hence the title of this post. It is time for me to refocus my priorities, revitalize my spirit and health, and renew what it means to be our family. For the purposes of this blog, the title has been returned to the original and I have removed information specific to adoption in Haiti. I am not willing to discuss specifics or opinions regarding our experience with our attempted Haiti adoption in a public forum. If you want to know our experience then please leave a comment. I will be reserving posts to this blog for information specific to post-adoption resources and information as well as worldwide and domestic humanitarian issues which impact orphans. To put it simply, it is time to do some serious compartmentalization.

Vanessa's Journey Continues

Saying Goodbye in Arizona, October 2012

Twelve days ago we said goodbye to Vanessa and placed her in the loving hands of a new host family. In order to protect the privacy of my own family members as well as that of Vanessa I will not disclose the reasons why on this public blog. I will say that we cared about Vanessa from the first day that we met her and we continue to care deeply for Vanessa. As my husband stated on our interview with the 9 News Team prior to her surgery, we had every intention of being her parents for forever. There are however some things that are simply out of our control. 

First Time on Her New Legs at the Ronald McDonald House in Denver, CO

I can only hope that all of this was somehow part of the greater plan for Vanessa. Right now we are reeling from all that we have been through in the last two years. Our trip to Maison Orphanage in June 2010 was profound and it was on that trip that I made a promise to Vanessa that we would find a way to get her legs fixed. We immediately began contact with the then president of For His Glory Adoption Outreach to work on that plan. With the help of to many people here to name, and after multiple setbacks regarding visa applications that plan finally became reality when I was able to fly Vanessa out of Haiti in May 2011. What followed was a intense experience for both Vanessa and ourselves. She required two weeks of hospitalization at the Denver Children's Hospital who completed her reconstructive leg surgery as no cost. Our children and extended family welcomed Vanessa into our home with eagerness and compassion. It was the financial support and donated airline miles from grandparents that made her travel to the US and our early efforts to adopt her possible. At this point all the adoption expenses that we have paid to Lifeline Children's Services and Maison Orphanage cannot be reimbursed. We additionally personally covered the cost of Vanessa's visa application fees and continued medical expenses after moving to Arizona. 

Hospital Room at Denver Children's Hospital, June 2011

While I drastically wish that circumstances could be different for our family right now, I do not regret doing what we could to make a difference for Vanessa. Together we each learned different life lessons though our time with her, but most of all she reminded us to laugh and have fun no matter what has happened before. I made a promise to Vanessa that I would get her legs fixed and I always keep my promises. Vanessa, we Love You, and wish you the best of luck with your new family.

First Time Meeting Vanessa, June 2010

CO Adoption Refinalization

Last Wednesday, November 13th, we became our youngest son's official parents according to the state of Colorado. Of course we were already his parents according to the country of Rwanda and the United States, so really this was just a formality. All went well and since we filed all the paperwork on our own behalf we all had to attend court this time. The older kids thought it was really cool seeing the court room and telling the judge that they promise to be a good brother and sister. Unfortunately, my petition to modify his birth date was denied, stating that we would have to fix it in Rwanda. There is a slim chance that would ever happen so I will probably petition the courts again to modify it once I get more data and we have his US birth certificate. That is how we did it for big sister, whose age was off by at least 2 years, but apparently with the rise in adoptions from Ethiopia, there have been so many requests in the last 2 years to change birth dates that the juvenile judges are just not agreeing to it anymore.

This pic reminds me of the ones taken of us with important people in Rwanda and where has that same not so happy about all of this strange business look. I have a theory that this whole court thing must be incredibly confusing to kids who are old enough to know something is going on but not old enough to understand what it is. After all, he does not need a judge to tell him who is parents are!

Video: Our Journey to Leo

Here is our Rwanda adoption video. Turn off the music player at the bottom of the blog so that they are not playing over each other. But you will notice that I must really like that first song on my playlist!

Rwanda Pics: Meeting our Son

LIft Off in 9 hours

Good morning everyone! Bags are packed, dogs are at the kennel, braided my daughter's hair, sewed a hole in my skirt and again I am so running on adrenaline that I am still awake. We will leave the house for the airport in 6 hours so I really should get a few hours of sleep. It reminds me of my last few days of pregnancy with my son, excited, uncomfortable, exhausted but not able to sleep. We will fly from Denver to Washington, DC for a layover then onto Brussels and from there straight into Kigali to arrive around 7pm on Saturday night. We probably will meet Leo Sunday morning as the children go to sleep very early at the orphanage. I have a bag of small items to help engage him when we meet. Toddler are not to keen about being picked up by a unusual looking stranger. It helped so much when we met our daughter that we did not touch or pick her up right away but just engaged her in playing. Please pray that our trip goes hassle free and that my children adjust well to the time change. Because we booked our daughter's ticket later we will have some seating assignments to get fixed. Obviously a 6 year old child cannot sit 6 rows away from her parents. If anything one of us will just switch seats with her. That actually might work out well if we take turns getting rest breaks if the kids are high energy on the plane. Wow, random thoughts going on here. Need to sleep!

Sleep?

Hmm, sleep? Who needs that? I will have plenty of time to sleep on the airplane, well maybe, I am bringing 2 kids with. More tasks were completed today and many more on the to-do list for tommorrow. We can't find our vaccination record for one of our dogs and that vet is closed tommorrow so I may actually be making a trip to the vet with a unhappy dog before I can take them to the kennel. It is always something is it not. I am used to it by now.

"Blessed to be Stressed!"

Getting Ready!!!!!!!!!!

In 60 hours we will be on a plane to meet our new son. I FINALLY spoke to a human
at the US Visa Center who after looking us up in the system and saying that our visa did not exist checked a third time and there it was! Turns out it had been there afterall and it was sent to Kenya. Since they cannot forward onto Ethiopia without USCIS instruction I contacted the USCIS officer directly who I met with last week. He called the National Visa Center and confirmed to me that he had sent our second visa packet to the NVC electronically and in the mail. He also emailed me a new copy of our I-171H form that says it is going to Ethiopia! This really felt like a monumental accomplishment so I have faith that it is on its way to where it needs to be. I also emailed the US Consulate in Nairobi, Kenya and asked if they could forward the visa to Ethiopia. So one way or another it will get there, I am faithful. Our agency apparently had a change of heart as well because they are going to allow us to travel as long as we agree that we are responsible if we get stuck in Ethiopia. I completely agree and would not actually mind spending some extra time in Ethiopia since we will be off work at that point anyways.

So now onto the full-throttle travel plans! We are bringing both our children so that they can share in this amazing (and very educational) experience. My son is pumped that he will actually be touching ground in 5 different countries (I did explain that for 3 of them we will not leave the airport). I am functioning on very little sleep to get ready in time.

Got vaccinations and meds today for our daughter- Check!
Finished shopping for all the odds and ends that we need for the trip - Check!
Found a great buy on really cute 2 and 3T boys short sleeve tops and shorts- Check!
Made a reservation to kennel the dogs-Check!
Have a volunteer to drive our car back from the airport from a new AMAZING friend-Check!
Received more donations to bring from our church and 4-more organization - Check!
Packed all the donations into 4 suitcases-Check!
Packed children's and husband's clothes - Check!
Printed and copied paperwork to bring to Rwanda and Ethiopia - Check!
Wrapped the Christmas gifts - Check!
Paid the bills - Check!

And I got a great surprise today from my fellow special education staff where I work. They brought food for lunch and a cake and gave us a giftcard. I was so surprised as I have not worked at this specific school very long. They are a awesome group of VERY smart women and I really appreciated their acknowledging the importance of our adoption. Tomorrow will be my last day of work before my leave so that I have a full day on Thursday to finish packing my own clothes, running errands, and getting all those odds and ends packed away.

Update and Vent

We have made the decision to bring our daughter with us to Rwanda and Ethiopia as well as our son. I was previously worried about how the trip might affect my daughter who was just adopted from Ethiopia 1 year and 9 months ago. But I think it will be a good experience for her and I think she is best of with all of us together as a family. So I worked some more miracles today and was able to book her airline ticket and we have a appointment with the travel clinic tommorrow. There is however one miracle yet to be completed and that is for our visa packet to arrive at the US Consulate in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. I know it was resent to the National Visa Center last Wednesday because I was sitting there with the USCIS officer when it was confirmed to me. However I have not yet received a email reply from the NCS saying that it was received and their phone line is constantly busy. I am setting my alarm at 5:30 am to call them ASAP when they open. Since I am still up very late that equals barely any sleep tonight. I just do not understand why this should be so difficult. We payed the US Government over $800 to process this paperwork and all they did was loose it and now there seems to be no rush to fix the problem. And the big problem is that our international adoption agency told us that 12/4 to 12/18 were our confirmed travel dates and that if we did not go now then we could not travel untill January. Now at the same time we are being told that we cannot confirm our travel arrangements with them (hotel, transporation, food) untill the consulate in Ethiopia confirms that they have the visa packet. Should the agency not have known a little sooner that our visa packet was not where it was supposed to be? What am I paying for? Well since I am not going to leave my son waiting for us, while he watches four other families come and go with their children at the orphanage this week, I booked our tickets and we are leaving for Rwanda regardless. I am prepared to make our own travel arrangements and to take care of the paperwork myself in Rwanda and Ethiopia if necessary. I am however confident that our visa information will arrive to Ethiopia before we get there. I have done everything that I can from the ground to take care of this (including contacting our congressional representative) and the rest can be done by email and phone.

Long Day Paid Off

After a 2 hour drive to the Denver USCIS office, a nice 2 hour visit with the USCIS field officer, and a 2 hour drive home I am happy to say that our child's visa documents have been sent via expedited service to the National Visa Center who will then wire them to the US Consulate in Addis Ababa. Ethiopia. The bad news was that it turns out our file really did disappear somewhere between Denver and Virginia. We needed to obtain a new copy of our homestudy for USCIS and thankfully our homestudy adoption agency (International Adoption Net) answered the phone immediately and sent the homestudy to the field officer within 30 minutes. They also needed both my husband and I to sign a form and he was 2 and 1/2 hours away. So thanks again to the wonder of fax machines it was all taken care of. I am thankful that I had the day off of work anyways so I was able to focus on this and I am VERY thankful that a very nice family in town offered to babysit my kidos all day so that they did not need to come with me for this boring adventure in USCIS land. As a result of today's hard work we felt confident to move forward with booking our airline tickets. We will be leaving next Friday to arrive in Kigali on a direct flight on Saturday. We will be flying United Airlines out of Denver through Brussels and into Kigali. Now time to take a break for Thanksgiving before packing like a crazy person. We do have much to be thankful for this year!

If I Were a Visa Document...

If I were a type 37/39 US visa associated with a form I-171H resulting from a approved form I-600A just where would I be? Well I am supposed to be sent from the Denver USCIS facility to the National Visa Processing Center and onto the US Embassy in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia as requested by my petitioner. But it turns out I am nowhere to be found! Apparently visa forms easily disappear in the immigration paperwork world. This of course is not o.k. with my petitioner so after she made every phone call and email possible with no response, she will tomorrow be driving one and one-half hours each way for a very coveted InfoPass appointment with the friendly Denver USCIS center. Please pray for her and for the folks who work there. Pray that she will maintain her composure and her patience and that the person in charge of the adoption documents at USCIS will VERY quickly electronically send the correct documents to the correct requested location. Why is this so important? Because there is a little boy in a orphanage on the other side of the world who is waiting for his family and his family would really like to have him home for Christmas. They have airline tickets on hold to leave next Friday which is close to the latest possible time frame to get the paperwork completed in Rwanda but they cannot book those tickets until I am sent to the correct location.

Sorry but my petitioner is just way to upset about this whole thing to speak herself.

Ours Forever!

We received news this morning that we passed court in Rwanda. This is the step that makes our adoption official in Rwanda so I am happy to introduce our new little man, Leonard! Leonard is the name given to him at the orphanage and we are going to keep it because not only does he know his name by now but Leo is also pretty darn cute. We will also retain his Rwandan family name as his new middle name. I think it is so important that he keep this important piece of who he is. Leo is currently 2 years and 9 months old and his most recent measurements have him at 37.8 inches tall and 27.5 pounds. That places him at the 95th percentile for height and 15th percentile for weight. Here he is looking not to happy about having his picture taken.

I hope he knows that he has a forever family who is busily preparing for him and very excited to meet him. We will be on our way to Rwanda in just a few weeks. His big sister is picking out Christmas gifts for him in the toy catalog and big brother is soooo excited to come with on our trip to Rwanda and Ethiopia. If all goes well, we will ALL be at home and together to hold a late Christmas celebration on my birthday, December 27th.

Heart and Soul Preparations

We have been on this adoption journey for almost a year and now we are in the full swing of preparations for what may be a trip to meet our son in a few short weeks! As I have previously posted I have been busy checking on airline tickets, shopping for new little clothes, and picking up the odds and ends that we will need for our trip. One thing I have not talked about however is the issue of accepting what has been given to you even when it is not necessary what you had planned for or expected. We had hoped, intended and prepared for the adoption of two more children, one under the age of 18 months and another up to age 3. It turns out that our soon to be son is almost 3 and by his height on the growth chart he is probably older. We are fully prepared for this, as it was almost a exact same scenario when we adopted our daughter from Ethiopia, so I have the whole toddler transition and age determination thing down pretty well. This is one area where being a child psychologist really helps! I am REALLY excited to get to know his personality and to experience so many joyful moments when we take him for many first experiences with us. The cool thing about toddlers is they do not hold back in their emotions. This can be hard when they are not happy but oh so wonderful to witness when they are overjoyed by new experiences. I am saying all of this because I don't want to give anyone the wrong impression with what else I am about to say. The honest thing is, while I am celebrating that we will soon have a new son in our family, I am also grieving that we will not also be adding a baby and second daughter to our family. All this time my children were asking about babies, and my daughter really wants a little sister. We even bought a new highchair, car seat, baby gates, all that stuff that we have not needed in a long time. Well it turns out we probably will not be needing that stuff now anyways. We are still waiting to hear if there is a possibility for us to receive a referral for a second younger child but it is looking more and more like this will be logistically very difficult. I am not giving up hope, so please pray that perhaps our son will also have a baby sister from his country of birth. In the time being we are preparing for and getting ready for our new big boy regardless of what happens with our request for a baby sister.

Miracles in the Making

Well I slept of my grief over plane ticket prices and am feeling more hopeful today. When I think about the challenges that we have faced with this second adoption experience it feels sometimes like it has been a uphill battle but then it occurred to me that for every challenge that we have faced we have also experienced true miracles in the making. We have been blessed with people in our lives, sometimes complete strangers, who have went our of their way to make things happen. So here is a sample of people I would like to thank and miracles I would like to highlight:

• Thank you to our home study caseworker who completely understood when we called her after we had completed a international home study for Ethiopia and told her that we needed to change our country to Rwanda.
• Thank you also to our home study caseworker to introduced us to a family in our community who was in process of adopting a baby boy from Ethiopia. Turns out they lived only a few blocks from our home and up to that point we did not know one other person in our city who had adopted from Ethiopia. Their son is now home and doing wonderful! They have followed our own process in Rwanda and given donations to us for the orphanage.
• Thank you to our church community who has been 100% supportive of our daughter, our family, and our second adoption. They opened their doors to allow us to hold a fundraiser at the church this summer and nearly 80% of our church members should up to purchase baked goods, enjoy a African lunch buffet, bid on silent auction items, and brin donations.
• Thank you to one specific church member named Lesley who went out of her way during our first adoption and then this summer held a rummage sale for us and donated all of the proceeds.
• Thank you to our interim pastor who wrote us letters of support for a home study reference and for our grant applications. He looks great in the traditional Ethiopian shirt that he purchased at our fundraiser!
• Thank you to our general medical practitioner who took the extra time to complete our medicals and to the notary who ran to his office upon request to correct a notary error.
• Thank you to both our home study agency and international adoption agencies who have put up with my endless questions and updates throughout this process.
• Thank you to the amazing public nurse at the Weld County travel clinic who went out of her way to schedule a later then usual appointment to give our son his travel vaccinations and then to arrange a free replacement of his Typhoid pills when they went bad (our fault).
• Thank you to Laura, a adoptive mom in our same city who I was introduced to by the previous Ethiopian adoptive mom who I mentioned. Laura is looking into Rwanda adoption as well and gave us literally bins full of donations for the orphanage in Rwanda. They are a amazing family and truly we would have never met them had it not been for the previous chain of events!
• A preemptive thank you to the travel agencies who I have contacted to investigate lower airline tickets and alternative flight options to get us all to Rwanda safely without exceeding our savings account. I have faith that someone and by some miracle we will find a reasonable deal and that we will be able to bring extra luggage to carry the orphanage donations at no extra charge.
• Thank you to my employer, who while they may not be thrilled about me taking a extended leave, have provided me with enthusiastic congratulations and support!
• A big thank you to the other adoptive families who I have met on the Internet and who always seem to know the right time to drop me a note of inspiration or to pass on a important resource. The more adoptive families I get to know the more I am amazed by their resourcefulness and love of ALL children.
• Also a HUGE thank you to a friend who I have met over the Internet who lives in Rwanda. She has been a excellent source of information, a enormous support, and I cannot wait to meet her and her family in Rwanda!
• Thank you to my own family who has accepted our desire to adopt even when it did not always make sense to them and who love our children dearly. It is our family who has provided us the greatest amount of monetary resources to make adoption a reality and it is our family who come to stay with our children when we travel.
• And their are three remaining groups of people who have been in my thoughts constantly. They are the people in charge of caring for my children in Rwanda and now responsible for completing the steps necessary so that we can travel to get them, they are the very dedicated officials at the Ministry of Gender and Promotion in Rwanda, the diligent and loving nuns who care for the children daily at the orphanage, and most importantly our Power of Attorney in Rwanda who is tirelessly working on our behalf to advocate for our request for a second child and to facilitate the paperwork process so that we can travel to get our son (and maybe a daughter as well!)

It is through this and many other challenging times in my life that I have learned to believe in miracles. You have to look at the little things and then they are there. I don't believe in coincidence. People and things are placed into our life for a reason, we just need to watch closely and attentively to appreciate what is happening. I hope to teach this to my children, so that they know they are never alone and their is always hope for themselves and for this world. Today they will be experiencing a miracle as we go to shop for clothes for a little boy who they have never met, who lives on the other side of the world and who up to this point had no family, but now they call him brother.

Airline Sticker Shock

When we traveled to Ethiopia the first time we flew Ethiopian Airlines because they have a direct flight out of Washington, DC to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We worked with a travel agent who specializes in international adoption and got a great deal paying around $1,400 each for our adult round-trip tickets. It turned out that spring time is the time for cheap tickets to Ethiopia! So a few months ago when we received our approval I checked the Ethiopian Airlines website for rates for the end of November (naively hoping for a quick referral) and was overjoyed to see a airfare special. When I ran the numbers adult multi-segment round trip tickets for a Kigali, Rwanda and Addis Ababa, Ethiopia stop were around $1,700. So today when I checked again to see what the numbers were looking like I was a bit taken aback. Seems that even though the Ethiopian Calendar is different then the US calendar prices still go sky high for the holiday season. The website told me that the current rate for a multi-segment round-trip adult ticket mid December to early January would run a whopping $4357. Ouch!!!!!!!

It's a Boy!

I had a overwhelming feeling that we would receive our referral today. I was up late and tossing and turning and actually checked my email at 1am, 3am, and 7am. Just when I was getting worried someone else posted that they had received their referral so I looked again and there was the email in my SPAM account! I am so glad I looked as my kids were able to see their new little brother before going to school today. I cannot post details, as in his name or picture, since we still need to pass court in Rwanda before we are his legal parents. I will say that he is in the young toddler age range and that he is extremely handsome, as in Michael Jordan handsome! He will fit in so well with my already two gorgeous children! It is strange after only seeing his picture for the last 2 hours already he is very much a part of our family. I love him dearly and can completely picture him playing about in our house. Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts through this process, now we just need to make it through court and then we will be on our way to Rwanda!

Going into the Weekend....

No news of our referral today. I did not really expect that we would hear today but every day longer that it takes I worry more that we will not pass court before December. I think it is still possible as we have a amazing POA in Rwanda. I trust that she is doing everything that she can to get our kids in our arms as soon as possible. I also am faithful that the needs of our children are being met and that they know they are loved. My only lingering concern is that the Ministry of Gender and Family Promotion has several events this weekend and next week leading up to a very important event next Thursday which is a national meeting on the well being of children in Rwanda. The work that the Ministry's office does is invaluable and I know they are very busy so I just pray that there is still time to finish processing our paperwork next week. For the time being I am going to try and stay busy this weekend with adoption related events and enjoying the children who are in my arms now.

Barely Breathing

We have received a update from our POA that the referrals have been approved by the Ministry's office and they are working on getting the paperwork in order. There may be signatures yet to complete and things that need to be scanned into the computer to be sent. Since there are 12 families going through this process that is alot of paperwork to manage. We were told that we will receive our referral via email directly from the Ministry's office and that it should be coming very soon. So of course my heart skipped a beat that it could be tommorrow but it very well may not be untill next week. The last time we were given a "heads up" from our POA that our approval letter would be coming straight to us from the Ministry's office we received the precious letter two days later. This is now officially leaving me feeling like I can barely breath so keep praying and thinking of us. That we will infact receive our referral and all the pieces will fall into place so that we can pass court before they close for the December break.

Waiting for Referral Families

Here are the blogs for some of the families who are currently waiting with us for their referrals. I also have them listed on the sidebar under Rwanda adoption blogs but thought this may clear up some confusion on who is who. This also might make it a bit easier to check in on all the excitement and joy when we all receive news! This is really a great group of people and being able to receive updates and share feelings with them throughout this process has been tremendously helpful. It's kinda like internet group therapy! I am nearly as excited to hear about their little ones as our own.

hunterandadrianne.blogspot.com
racksadoptionjourney.blogspot.com
bowersjourneyto.blogspot.com
sporesixgoingonseven.blogspot.com
thefurryrainbow.blogspot.com
cropffamilyrwandaadoption.blogspot.com
dorbandsonajourney.blogspot.com
adoptrwanda.blogspot.com