Hope Expanded

Rwanda (Asante) Children's Choir

2012-01-11T21:26:00.001-07:00

I so wish they were coming to AZ! They will be in CA and Oregon.....

"Vanessa's Journey" on 9 News in CO!

2011-12-15T23:18:00.002-07:00

In Pics: Our 1st AZ Halloween

2011-11-06T12:34:00.002-07:00

Trick-or-Treating in "Old Town" Cave Creek:

Injured owl hanging out with the bird rescue people, do you know what kind he is? My oldest son did!

Every cowgirl needs her picture with a real horse!

The Disney Radio sponsored Halloween event at Paradise Ridge Marketplace: Super Crowded!

My kids are on that stage somewhere:

Pumpkin Patch/Farm in Gilbert:

What fun is a farm without a man made sand dune

A really fat cow:

Carving Pumpkins:

Halloween Night:

I better explain this one, the house next door had a huge Halloween display and lights with music set to the lights. Vanessa decided to dance her way down the sidewalk.

Heavy Responsibility

2011-10-06T22:13:00.000-06:00

It is hard to explain, but I trust that other adoptive parents get the same feeling. That feeling of overwhelming responsibility that falls on you when someone else's child (by birth) is placed in your hands. I have found myself, on many occasions, wondering "Am I worthy?". Because I have one child placed in my life by birth, and three others by the miracle of adoption I find myself overly aware of this responsibility. If any of my children are sick or hurt I am upset, but if my oldest son gets hurt I have that sense that no one is going to question it because he is my own flesh and blood and responsibility. My other three however, had lives before me. They were loved, cared for, perhaps even hurt by others. They came to me with a set of appearances and skills. So if it is now in my hands that they are hurt, I find myself heartbroken. I find myself questioning, could someone else have done better? Or even worse, what will our new home study social worker think? Will she, even the tiniest bit, question my ability to manage this mind boggling task of parenting four children, two with evident special needs? After all, I did sign for this job right? So how could I be anything less then perfect?

Then like a bolt of lightening, as I take the time to actually sit quitely and listen. To really listen to myself and everything around me. I return to reality. And reality is, that no child whether adopted or biological needs a perfect parent and we cannot raise them in bubbles. Thinking back now to when I taught the Parenting with Love and Logic classes, I know this well. If we overprotect our kids, then we are not preparing them for the real world. This should be the same for adopted kids, probably even more so for minority kidos. The reality is that my African American children are going to face a world that is harsher and more judging then I had to face. I have already seen it, the way people look at them and the things that other kids say to them. I see them ache to be like everyone else. They need to learn to make good choices, to stand up for themselves, and to not copy what others do in a failed attempt to "fit in". Self-esteem does not come from being overprotected, it comes from being loved and at the same time being permitted to experience the world and take responsibility in small safe steps. I just wish that meant that I never had to watch them fall. Because, I am afraid to say that a few of my kids, when they fall, they fall big.

Why am I blubbering about this now? Because last Saturday, I watched my youngest son fall, literally. A trip to the ER confirmed that he needed four stiches for a gash under his chin.. He also likely had a concussion in addition to three loose teeth. Unfortunately, I don't think this will be Leo's last set of stitches. He also fell and cut his head open his first week home. He is just one of those very active little guys who are going to get hurt a lot. Now if I could raise him in a padded suit, helmet and chin guard it would save me a lot of heartache and money!

Bring Clean Water to Mudula

2011-09-28T23:38:00.000-06:00

Today we celebrated my youngest daughter's 8th birthday, and with that celebration I find myself thinking about where she came from and who she left behind. The celebration is bittersweet. She knows where she came from and why. What I can't tell her, because I don't know is whether or not her birth family is o.k and if we will be able to find them when she is ready to go back to visit. For the time being I do what I can to keep an eye on Ethiopia and particularly on the area where she is from. So I was overjoyed when I saw that Children's Home Society and Family Services (CHSFS) is sponsoring a water project in Mudula, Ethiopia. The very same region in southern Ethiopia where my daughter was born. I know first hand how important clean water is for this community as our daughter came home with multiple parasites. The project, while being sponsored by CHSFS, is being funded entirely by donations from adoptive families and related donors. You can check out the project at: http://www.mudulawater.org

I mention it now, not just because of my daughter's birthday, but because they are truly in need of as much support as possible this week. Three moms will be competing in a triathlon in Dallas, TX for the Janus Charity Challenge. The team with the highest donations gets $8,000 from the Janus Foundation for their charity. They are currently in second place with 18,800 raised. The top team is at $20,900 so they are so close! All donations must be in by noon on October 1st. To donate or learn more about the event go to: https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorreg/donorpledge.asp?ievent=469401&supID=331974821

Tonto Natural Bridge

2011-09-12T22:41:00.000-06:00

Tired of the heat and missing the CO mountains and evergreens we decided to take a day trip on Labor Day weekend. Just an hour and half from our house is Payson, AZ. It is a cute little town (really not that little at around 15,000) where alot of people own summer cabins to escape the heat. The kids kept asking me where we were going so I finally told them we were going to see the evergreen trees. They thought I was crazy but just like that the landscape goes from desert, to dry grassland, to short evergreens and then pines. The drastic landscape changes here are beautiful. Since Vanessa is still not in shape for any major walking or hiking we went to the state park which is handicap accessible. Tonto Natural Bridge is supposed to be the largest natural bridge in the world. The kids thought it was pretty cool and of course wanted to hike to the bottom to go swimming (freezing water was not what they expected). Thankfully my husband is in great shape so he just tossed Vanessa on his back and hiked down the trail with her. Afterwards he nearly ran back up what was supposed to be a 30-45 minute hike while everyone else we passed was stopping to rest. My response, "you are such a freak, but very handy to be in such great shape!"

Help, Not Judge!

2011-09-07T18:40:00.001-06:00

This was not the best of mornings. All but one of my kids decided there were things they would rather do this morning then get ready for school. Being a dual working family with four kids and one with mobility issues is challenging at times. I am not going to say that our family runs smoothly, on many days I am exhausted. What it does require is a fine tuned balancing act of routines and clear expectations, especially in the morning. There are four backpacks to check, snacks and water bottles to pack, homework and papers to return to school, etc. If things are not taken care of the night before or the plan is deviated upon then chaos erupts. Since my husband has to leave for work early to make his commute I am the one who morning duty falls on. For any of you who know me well, you know that I am NOT a morning person. So back to this morning, two kids arguing, one outside blowing bubbles and I finally get the ones that need to be dropped off to before school care out the door. I have to load up the heavy wheelchair, drive just one block to the school where I unload the same heavy wheelchair and Leo has to get out to accompany me into the school with Vanessa. I know I look stressed at this point because the childcare/PE teacher just looks at me and does not say anything. Then I realize that not only did I forget to apply suntan lotion to Vanessa's scars (they cannot burn or she will be susceptible to skin cancer) but I also forgot to give her, her morning medicine. At about this time she announces to me that she has not been eating breakfast at school like she is supposed to. So I proceed to lecture her on why she MUST eat the breakfast that I am paying for and how she will get sick if she does not, bla bla bla. I think I often sound like Charlie Brown's teacher when I talk to my kids about why they should or should not do things. They get two choices for school breakfast plus a juice or milk and fruit. How picky can a kid be? SO off me and Leo go (have to wait every time for him to get buckled and unbuckled out of his car seat) back to the house to get Vanessa's medicine and back to the school again. We make it back to the school again where Vanessa is now in her classroom and I know there is no way that she could have eaten her breakfast that fast. She insists she did but I don't have time to confirm with the lunch lady and the daycare teacher is bolting out the building. I give her, her medicine and by this time I am definitely late for work. So off Leo and I go out through the gym at which point the custodian who is standing up on the stage gestures to me and tells me how stressed I look. He then proceeds to gesture that I should calm down. I am like REALLY? You have no idea! Sometimes I am not even sure how I pull this off. Just last night I got home just in time for my oldest son to inform me that the gifted teachers were doing a presentation for parents and he HAD to go. However, my youngest daughter had cheer leading at the same time last night. So we very quickly fed the kids and my husband took the girls while I took the boys (where I was the ONLY mother at the 5:30pm meeting still wearing her professional work clothes). Everything went well with that but oh man mornings, they just suck and there is no getting around it unless I quit my job and home school my kids! So what I really wanted to say to the very well meaning laid back custodian. Was something like "Give me a break, don't judge me for looking stressed, maybe I am legitimately stressed and hey if it bothers you, you are welcome to help out like come get the wheelchair out of the van each morning!"

I just saw the preview for "How does she do it". I am curious to see Hollywood's rendition of the complexities of being a working mother portrayed by a actress who has no children. How about a real documentary about REAL working moms of all walks of life who everyday juggle the near impossible task?

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

2011-09-03T16:38:00.000-06:00

Every time we make progress with Vanessa's adjustment into our family we hit a road bump. It has very much been a two steps forward, one step back experience. I knew it would not be easy, taking in a 9 year old, and I had a pretty good idea of what issues she would be dealing with. That knowledge defiantly takes the edge of off how difficult it is but it is still really, really hard.

I think it is important to be honest about our international adoption experiences because prospective adoptive parents really need to know the reality that they are getting themselves into. With each our kidos have had to work through different issues. Tensae came home, at age 4, a very strong willed and independent little girl. She was mature beyond her years because her life experience required that she pretty much take care of herself. We have also discovered she is a very smart little girl, and she will be getting tested soon for the gifted program at school. She will always be strong willed and more independent, but we have made huge strides in her trusting us to be the adults who will take care of her. Leo came home, at age 3, with a level of energy that I was not at all prepared for. He never stopped moving, exploring, breaking things, or harassing people. His life experience had taught him that if he did not demand attention from the caregivers at his orphanage that he would not get it. He also has a naturally social and enthusiastic personality. In the 21 months that he has been home he now sleeps all night in his bed and will take a time out without needing to be held down. He will always be energetic but it is very different. He is doing great in preschool and just the other day the teacher commented about how happy and social he always is.

So that brings me back to Vanessa. At age 9, of course, she is going to have some issues to work through. Her life experience has taught her how to act in a school setting but when it comes to living in a small family it is clear that she is out of her comfort zone. She is also very strong willed. What has actually been the hardest behavior however is her persistent whining and crying when she does not get what she wants. I don't know if she does it because she figured out that if she pouted that she would get extra attention and presents from the visitors at the school and orphanage. Or maybe she is just stuck in a earlier stage of emotional development. When she does it, I definitely get a sense that she is having a hard time regulating her emotions and maturity level. But how much of it is just plain learned manipulation? I don't really know the answer yet. What I have discovered though, is that her behavior is totally better at school. Her teacher has not once seen her pout, whine, cry, talk back, or tease the other students. At home we get all of this and more when she is on a role. Just the other night I bought her brand new Nike tennis shoes, hoping that a better fitting shoe would help along her walking. She was so excited and put them on. Then just one half hour later she was crying and whining because I told her she could not wear the jeans that she had picked out for school ( At 112 it is way to hot for jeans and still to hard for her to get them on and off by herself to go to the bathroom). I was like really kid, I just bought you new shoes and you are still going to battle me on this? I did win out in the end but only after taking the jeans away completely and ignoring a hour long pouting and whining session. I think that is behavior. I am not actually sure that we are really going to be able to make a lot of ground in the attachment area until we get the behavior under control. If her prime focus is getting what she wants from people (and she also has no concept for money) then I really worry what would she do if we are not there to protect her? Especially as she gets older, how far would she go and with who? That scares me to death. And so we continue the dance of teaching her the rules of family life while trying to fill in all the experiences that she is missing and gaining her trust in the meantime. It is a huge undertaking and sometimes I falter in my patience. I know it will get better, because it did for the other two, and Vanessa has so many strengths and so many great behaviors. But when I am struggling I worry, is she to old for me to do the impossible, to rewire the brain connections that are already formed. And am I doing the right thing? When I get impatient with all the kids, there is that voice in the back of my head. The voice of me the professional psychologist who is always judging what I do as a mother. Please Lord grant me patience, not just with my kids, but also with myself!

Drama Today

2011-09-01T22:08:00.002-06:00

Any ideas on how to teach my 9 year old (very theatrical) Haitian daughter why she should not sit on her newly repaired leg?

Got a call today from the school nurse as Vanessa was wailing in pain in the background. She put me on the phone with Vanessa who was speaking in tongues due to the drama. Thanks goodness the nurse understood when I explained her low tolerance for pain and flare for drama, emphasizing the fact that I did not want to pick her up from school unless really needed (really don't want to start that pattern of classical conditioning). The nurse agreed and mentioned that Vanessa had asked for her brother. So dear brother, who she usually harasses, was called from class to rescue his not so little sis. Following big brother's assessment of the situation he proceeded to use the nurse's phone to call and inform me that a pin may have come loose and he thinks that she will need another surgery. I reminded him that watching medical shows on t.v. does not grant him the expertise to make medical diagnosis. Nor am I "that kind" of doctor. We then agreed that I would call the nurse back in 15 minutes and come to the rescue if she had not calmed down. I figured that if it was a serious injury to her hardware, that she would not stop crying despite x amount of time. Big brother proceeded to do a hero job of calming Vanessa down in his very scientific way "take deep breaths to return the oxygen to your leg!" then escorted her back to class. By the time dad had picked everyone up she was perfectly fine. What a relief! In chatting with Vanessa I am convinced that her leg and foot fell asleep.

Sad News from Haiti

2011-08-31T23:12:00.003-06:00

We received word that the man who manages the adoption and legal paperwork for Maison Orphanage passed away in Haiti last Friday. I don't know any of the details only that his passing is a great loss to the children and staff at the orphanage. His name was Jean Kuislin "Kiki" Alexis and he is the one who carried Vanessa to her many embassy appointments in Haiti during the multiple attempts to get her medical visa. It was he who picked up and delivered her humanitarian visa directly to my hands on the day that I flew into to pick her up in Port au Prince. I wrestled with the decision as to whether or not to tell Vanessa and finally decided that it would not be right to keep the news from her. She was sad, cried, and asked many questions that I do not yet have answers to. I am keeping the staff and children at Maison close to my heart this week. This is a stark reminder as to the reality that it is to live in Haiti.

You can read the notification from For His Glory here:
http://forhisgloryoutreach.blogspot.com

Phoenix Children's Museum

2011-08-29T21:38:00.000-06:00

I took a break from all the busy work since moving to take the kids to the Phoenix Children's Museum on Saturday. I knew it may be risky as we had got free passes from my son's daycare and this was the last weekend that they were good for. It turns out that free passes plus 113 degree temperatures equaled out to the Children's Museum very possibly being the most crowded place in Phoenix today. Definitely not somewhere that you want to be if you are claustrophobic, or just don't like crowds. The kids however still had a great time and I was actually REALLY impressed by how well behaved people were despite the crowds. There was the occasional parent snatching a item from a older child to give to their own kid who was waiting to join in the play. Aside from that though all the kids got along well and it was really great to see kids from very diverse backgrounds playing away with each other. I think we spent nearly an hour and a half in the "shopping room" where Leo took up running the register (it was adorable because he kept pretending that the scanner was not working), Tensae and Vanessa accepted the items for restocking and Ethan ran the cart to restock. They are rather a force to be reckoned with when they all work together.

Vanessa's New Legs

2011-08-22T23:07:00.001-06:00

Here she is up and moving. She still has a lot of progress to make in restoring her strength and learning how to walk properly in her new legs but we are off to a good start. Here are the pics of her trip back to CO and home again. I am so glad we rented a ranch style house and have a pool. Swimming has turned out to be a really great method of physical therapy for her.

Fifth plane ride in 3 months, I am now a pro.

Self portrait of the finished work. Thank you Dr. Erickson.

First steps in 8 weeks.

Hi Jerrod! Thanks for watching over me.

Freakish similarity?

Proud to be standing tall.

Thanks Ronald, the food and housing was great.

Dad especially liked the free Bic Macs.

No more motion sickness.

I am ready to be the pilot!

FINALLY, I can swim instead of being stuck in the house.

Yes. I am wearing a life jacket. Swimming in a pool is not the same as the ocean.

Showing off the pretty pink forearm crutches.

Vent-The Cost of Adoption

2011-08-20T00:43:00.001-06:00

Why tonight I do not know, but I feel the need to vent about the cost of adoption. Why the heck is it so expensive? Why should it cost so much to give a forever family to a child who needs one? Of course the answer is complex and one that I do not feel like getting into. The thing that frustrates me is this, we have adopted two kids now both over the age of 3 at the time of their adoptions, and both with special needs. And now we are in process of adopting Vanessa, a 9 year old with a physical disability which will impact her for the rest of her life. Despite this we have not qualified for a single interest free loan, or grant program. I applied for several for both of our previous adoptions and we were denied, partly because of our income and partly for other reasons. What really irritates me about that is that the only reason our income is what it is, is because we both work. If we did not both work we would likely not make the required income guidelines to adopt a fourth child. Yet, this same fact eliminates us from receiving assistance? It does not matter what we pay in daycare or out of pocket expenses for a child who is in our care who does not yet qualify to be covered under our health insurance. Seriously, how is that fair? So how do we make ends meet, well we have lived very simply over the last 5 years. We seldom eat out, we do not have cable, our kids participate in very few activities that cost money (definitely no private lessons of any kind happening in our house), and we really never go out on dates. So what irritates me is when I see one income families who are adopting kids and receiving grants and yet they somehow have the money to go on vacations and put their kids in all kinds of activities. How does that add up? Seriously, am I missing something here? All my kids want to be in school, including our preschooler, so there really is no reason for one of us to stay home at this point, but maybe we would be better off if one of us just stopped working, then maybe we would actually get a adoption grant? It's a good experiment in Freakonomics, would we actually be better off financially by getting more tax breaks and qualifying for grants if we were a one income family?

She is Going to Walk!

2011-08-09T00:08:00.000-06:00

What Happens When a Mad Girl Takes Her Own Hair Out

Hiding the Hair with Mr. Sheep!

A miracle is going to happen tomorrow! Vanessa is going to walk. If there is one thing I have learned about my eldest daughter, it is that nothing will stop her when she sets her mind to something. So I have no doubt in my mind that tomorrow at 10am, a miracle is going to happen at the Denver Children's Hospital! When the doctor's saw her 7 weeks ago, she was not at all a happy little girl. She was in a lot of pain, and very fearful of the staff. A few nights ago, however, we were marveling at her straight legs and examining her scars when I asked if she was glad that she went through all the pain of the surgery. She said yes and we talked about her thanking the doctors when she sees them. Of course that will also be a whole lot easier now that she speaks way more English.

So here are the logistics of what is happening: My husband and Vanessa flew out of Phoenix tonight and arrived to the Denver airport where they were picked up by a van from the Denver Children's Hospital. They were able to get a room at the Ronald McDonald house for tonight and tomorrow. They even enjoyed a warm homemade lasagna meal from volunteers even though they did not arrive until 8pm! Once again, I was reminded that I really don't need to worry so much but rather have some faith that all the loving people out there will be right where they need to be. She will see the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow morning, followed by the physical therapist and then they fly back to Arizona on Wednesday. Vanessa will then be starting school just like any other kid (but with equipment and assistance of course). We have ordered a pediatric walker, as well as a set of forearm crutches so that she will have mobility aids as her legs strengthen. The school has been great so far and have already been in touch with their physical therapist and have a plan together to get her the needed accommodations at school. We met her teacher and she is a very kind woman experienced in teaching English Language Learners (also being one herself).

Why am I explaining all of this? Because sometimes I need to pinch myself that this is a reality. As I have said before, when we met Vanessa, I was not actually sure that we could pull this of. Here we were, not all that stable in our own lives and already parenting three kids and paying off the expenses from two previous international adoptions. There were times when I really doubted that we could get her here. Then I doubted our strength as a family, and definitely questioned my own ability to care for her emotional and physical needs. I am serious when I say that a few of the days in the hospital, when Vanessa was in her worst pain, were the worst days of my life, and we have had some pretty bad days. Then moving to AZ, I really had begun to believe that we were just plain insane!

Are we crazy, maybe? Is my family a bit overwhelming? Ah yeah! Are there days when I have questioned my own judgement? Definitely. BUT I am crazy in love with my kids! There is no question that this is the path that I was meant to take. I don't believe that things just happen by chance and I have definitely learned that if you really prepare, reach out to others, and have a whole lot of faith that things work out. Vanessa is living breathing proof.

And just in case I needed one more reminder to have faith, we got another reminder. My husband, who graciously passed up a previous job offer to keep his schedule open for Vanessa's surgery, has been offered and accepted a new position in Arizona. Not only is it in a very nice suburb, but they also did not need him to start until after this weeks trip back to CO with Vanessa. Really, what are the odds?

Painting a T-Shirt at Denver Children's

Leaving the Hospital, 7 weeks ago

The Card

2011-07-27T22:49:00.000-06:00

My husband has been spending time each day having all the kids work on school books to prep them for their next grade level since they are pretty much stuck in the house most of the day right now. Today the girls were finished while dad was working with our oldest and they decided to make me a card and a note. The first line of the note said "I glad you are my mom, me Vanessa" It was carefully written by her younger 7 year old sister as Vanessa still does not trust her own ability to write in English. The same equally spunky younger sister wrote "I love you but sometimes I get mad at you, me Tensae." I also got a card from the boys, because they had to keep up with the girls of course. So why did this note from my daughters strike me? Well, I have not necessary been the best mom lately, at least not in their eyes. Neither one of them were happy with me when I had to go back to work after a shortened summer and they both reacted by giving me the cold shoulder for a couple days. Of course my own fatigue did not help. So for Vanessa to openly state that she is glad that I am her mom (when she has had so many) is pretty monumental. And for Tensae to be able to acknowledge her feelings and be o.k with experiencing anger and still loving someone at the same time, well that is super monumental. I'll hang onto the note for when they are both teenagers, although maybe we will have worked through enough identity issues by then that we will be o.k. Wishing thinking.

Lots of Newness

2011-07-24T23:06:00.002-06:00

I can't believe it has been over a month since I posted last. So much has happened that it is surreal. The biggest event is of course that we are moved and (mostly) settled into our new pad in Arizona. Here are the updates:

New Job: So far my impression is that the new school district that I am working for is awesome. I mean really awesome, as in they actually care about the people working for them, because they know the success of the students depends on how well teachers are treated. I have had several conversations with the superintendent and saw him on sight at two of the three locations that I am working at. In the last district I worked for, I saw the superintendent one time and that was during new teacher orientation. I never once saw him actually visiting a school. Every new teacher was also given a copy of two books (Fred Jones and Harry Wong), both which I am always recommending to teachers, so that was great to see.

New House: We are renting, which bugs me, but there is also some relief that we don't have to focus on fixing up a house right away. Our pad is really nice and way more spacious then our last house. Our master bed and bath is huge and I have a Jacuzzi for the first time (Leo loves taking bubble baths in it). The kitchen has beautiful marble counters and a huge island that seats all the kids. Not much for landscaping in the backyard but it is big and the pool (with cute little waterfall) is great! The neighborhood is nice and landscaped with close grassy parks right next door and the school is less then a block from our house.

Arizona Heat: To say it is hot here is a understatement BUT it depends on the time of day that you ask me. It is completely gorgeous (dry and bug free) outside in the morning and late evening. You really don't want to be hanging outside though anywhere between noon and 5pm unless you are in a swimming pool. The funny thing is, I have been in the pool with the kids a couple times getting into the evening hours of 7pm and later and I actually get cold! Yep, we are really gonna become cold weather wimps now! The weird thing is that no one is outside here right now, so the kids are getting worried that they will not meet friends. People at work have assured me that by the end of August everyone will resurface again!

Vanessa: Oh boy has this girl kept us on our toes for the last several weeks. She is head strong in deed! Our focus has gone from her surgery to keeping her safe and managing her adjustment to living in a family. Let me just say that forming a attachment to a 9 year old child is not a easy task, then add in a history of trauma, a major surgery and a move and the challenge is enormous. Thank goodness for our middle daughter who has been a trouper at staying by her new sister's side through the thick and thin. I am also thankful for having a VERY patient husband and for having my own professional knowledge. We have had to work through Vanessa understanding why she cannot swim when the others can (don't feel bad she gets to watch her favorite shows and eat treats while the others swim), why sometimes she needs to watch what other people want to watch on t.v., why she cannot scratch open her stitches even though they itch and why tipping herself over in the wheelchair is a really bad idea! And, oh yeah, it is not nice to say whatever you think to people...... Head strong may actually be a understatement. But underneath it all, I know, and see a very vulnerable little girl. Each day we get a little closer to that little girl trusting us enough for her to soften up a bit more and each time she also shares a little more of her history with us. The attachment dance is on.....

Blessed to Be Stressed in Arizona!

Out of the Hospital

2011-06-22T23:24:00.000-06:00

Vanessa was released from the hospital Monday afternoon. She is at home with us and doing well. Her pain continues to be under control, however the expectation is that she will be transitioned off of prescription pain medication in a few weeks. This seems really soon given the extent of the surgeries that she has experienced so I am preparing myself for how this may go. We have about 7 weeks to go before her bones will be healed enough to safely begin weight bearing. Until then we need to keep her from trying to crawl around or stand on her legs. So we are working on getting a good system down, as far as moving her around and keeping her busy. At this point I am really thankful for Netflix live movie streaming as this amazing technology (also thanks to the Wii) has provided non-stop entertainment to our chair bound kido. She has become a bit of a Disney movie addict (her picks). I think if I have to hear the songs from any of the High School Musical movies anymore I may just go crazy. But I am of course also more then happy to see her and her sister singing away!!! I did order some summer home-school books thinking that we could use some time working on her academic readiness skills. We will see what kind of tantrums I illicit when I announce tomorrow that the movies must stop for schooling time. And oh yeah, we are also finishing up on packing our house. The move is a go to start on July 3rd. It is looking like Vanessa will be able to fly to Arizona to wait out her healing and then fly back to CO when it is time to get her casts off and start some physical therapy. Yeah for that!

Surgery Two is Complete

2011-06-15T16:40:00.000-06:00

So we made the very difficult decision on Monday to move forward with completing the second surgery that Vanessa required in order to walk normally. The orthopedic surgeons at Denver Children's Hospital were able to correct the bending of her tibia bones with the first surgery last Monday, however because both of her femurs had a rotation to them this left her with pretty severe in-toeing. As her mood improved this last weekend she noticed right away that her feet were "bent" and she was not happy about it. We discussed her options with the surgeon and weighed out doing the surgery now versus later. What the decision came down to is that if we waited to do the second surgery, perhaps 6 months from now, that she would have to experience the whole ordeal of surgery, hospitalization, pain management, and recovery all over again. So we determined that even though she had such a difficult time last week that it would be best to get it over with and have one healing phase (not being able to walk for 2 months) as opposed to two. This way she also can stay on the current pain management medications which have helped her in the last several days. Since she is on rather potent pain killers it would have been risky from a addiction standpoint to take her off of them and then have to put her back on them later down the road. So to get to the point the second surgery was completed last night and her legs and feet are now completely straight. Of course time will tell as to how she heals and adjusts to walking on her new legs. She did have some pain last night which appears to be managed now, as she has slept most of the day. We are going to have to start all over again with getting her off of the Epideral and cathetor and eating again. So please pray for Vanessa's healing this week and that she be able to leave the hospital and come home soon.

A Painful Journey

2011-06-11T23:36:00.001-06:00

What do you say to a confused child who is screaming in pain "Mommy, why?". I am relieved to say that today for the first day since Vanessa's surgery she did not scream out in pain. It has been a long and hard week and I have stayed by her side every step of the way. I need her to know that she can trust me to be there through the good times and the bad. This is not to say that I could not use a break at this point, or that I have not at times reached my own breaking point. We were expecting to have a 3-4 day hospital stay and I am spending night six at the hospital with Vanessa tonight. We tried to switch over night duty to my husband but she freaked out. It totally has nothing to do with him but really the fact that she just does not see men as caregivers. I have been trying to step outside of the room when I can. A few visitors have sat with her while I left the room to walk, cry, and call people for support. A friend was hear yesterday evening during a very bad pain spell and it meant the world to me. We have also had visits from new friends at the hospital who either met Vanessa for her pre-surgery evaluations or who actually met Vanessa in Haiti on medical mission trips. She also has animals and balloons in the room which has made it much more comforting. I am grateful that we ended up with a large corner room with a awesome view of Denver and the mountains (which makes me so sad to leave CO!). And so I am truly VERY relieved to say that today Vanessa's pain was under control thanks to a new pain management medication. This medication was the last resort, and fairly controversial, but it is working and that is a miracle because her response to the pain was getting worse, not better throughout the week. She did so well that we were able to get her out of bed and into her wheelchair and to spend some time outside. She was so happy when the rest of the family showed up for a visit and she even got some time at the end of the day with a small therapy dog. For the first time this week she was smiling, laughing, and joking with her nurses. I believe that little Vanessa has turned out to be a bit of a puzzle for the medical staff. But after all she is no ordinary kid, the degree of deformity in her legs was basically unseen in a child of her age in the US. Then add to the fact that she has a history of trauma, as well as a strong willed personality, and no wonder she has struggled so much with her pain tolerance and post surgery adjustment this week. Please keep her in your thoughts, that she will be able to go home early next week and that she will continue to heal both physically as well as emotionally.

Pics from today, FINALLY returning to her spunky self:

Surgery One is Complete

2011-06-06T23:25:00.002-06:00

Vanessa's surgery appears to be a success so far. Her tibias are now straight and her bones were strong enough to hold a different pin and plate system then planned so she is in soft casts instead of hard. This is good as she will be able to begin weight bearing sooner. She will require a second surgery to her femurs with the timeline depending on how she does in the next few weeks. She did have a very tough time coming out of surgery as she was in a lot of pain and really confused. The nurses came to bring us back to recovery sooner then typical because she was so upset and crying for us. I believe that she was definitely showing some trauma symptoms, likely related to her experience in the earthquake. I expected all of this, so glad that I was mentally prepared. It is however still emotionally gut wrenching to walk this path with her. I am so glad though, that we are the family to do it. She also very quickly began demanding to see her sister as soon as she was semiconscious, they are definitely inseperable. We could tell that sister was really worried today because she was unusually quiet during pre-op. So we will be at the hospital for the remainder of the week, please pray that her pain becomes more manageable and that she does not have any complications with her recovery. I am going to do a separate post later on all the care that Vanessa has received at Denver Children's but for now I do want to send out a huge THANK YOU to them. I do believe that we are in excellent hands.

First Weeks in the US

2011-06-06T01:44:00.000-06:00

Vanessa is a amazing little girl. It has been fascinating watching her open up to us over the last two weeks. She started off not speaking at all to us, then grunting, and now she is speaking in full English sentences to all of us in the family. She even asked someone for directions today when we were on a walk and took a wrong turn to show her the Poudre River in Fort Collins. We are also starting to see her full personality as she has started to test the limits a bit. She is a fairly opinionated little girl who is rather head strong in deed. I don't so much mind because I know this strength is what has helped her to survive what she has. She also balances her strong will with a great sense of humor, playfulness, and intelligence. This is not to say that she is not a sensitive girl on the inside. We have definitely seen a little girl who is struggling to understand all the new things in her world amidst a uncertainty as to what is going to happen when her one year parole runs out.

In the meantime we wanted to give her the chance to be a "normal" kid in the US prior to her surgery, which will leave her in full leg casts for two months. So we have been rather busy! We went to the park (several times because she pouted when we would not stop at each one she saw), went swimming at the pool, swimming in the hot tub, went to the lake beach, ate out at Mc Donald's and Olive Garden, celebrated dad's birthday, made it to church the last two weekends, and today visited a farm where she got to ride a horse. Surgery is tomorrow afternoon, so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. I will post a update as soon as I am able.

My Hometown is Flooding

2011-05-29T00:08:00.001-06:00

As we have been busy adjusting as a new family and going to doctor appointments my parents in Bismarck, ND have been emptying everything that they can out of their house in preparation for evacuation. According to the most recent flood map their home is projected to have 6 feet of water in it and the flooding is going to last through the summer. It is so sad to be able to do nothing but save what you can and mentally prepare oneself to watch your dream home be destroyed. See my dad is a retired architect and so he designed and had built their custom home on several acres of land along the Apple Creek outside of Bismarck, ND. The house was built in 1992 and still looks brand new. However that is all about to change. Due to planned releases of water from the Garrison Dam, starting yesterday and going through the end of June, the Missouri river and it's watershed are predicted to flood to a degree greater then the 100 year flood. The occurrence is a less then 1% chance and it is happening. Hundreds of homes and businesses will be damaged in the Bismarck area alone. My sister and her husband are also moving out of their office where they practice law. I know the situation does not seem as terrible as the towns that have been devastated by tornadoes with no warning, but slowly watching your home be destroyed is never easy.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43174364/ns/weather/

http://www.bismarcktribune.com/news/local/article_1e3437c0-8710-11e0-a532-001cc4c002e0.html

http://www.bismarck.org/

We are Home!

2011-05-22T12:30:00.001-06:00

We are home and adjusting well. Yesterday was a hard day for Vanessa, we had to get up at 4:30 Miami time to make our flight. She did eat a good breakfast on the airplane and then slept a bit. By the time we got on our second flight to Denver I could tell she was not feeling well. She did not eat much for lunch and as we were descending into the Denver airport she gestured to me that she had to throw up. Thank goodness she told me because I had just enough time to grab the bag before having a big mess. Given the CO elevation and the long bumpy descent that it takes to land in Denver, I should have planned better and given her a Dramamine in Miami. We took some time going to the bathroom and getting to the exit area of the airport because I did not want her to be to overwhelmed. We were greeted by a dear friend from work who has been a supporter of our efforts at the orphanage in Haiti. I was so happy to see her because we did not immediately see our family! I was worried something happened to them and then they showed up and Vanessa was all smiles. It turns out that our little Leo was overly anxious about his new sister arriving so they had to walk circles around the airport. My friend took some pictures and we headed out to the car while all the kids were talking up a storm to her. She did get sick in the car again on the way home so I was glad I had given her a bag just in case. Once home she got a tour of the house and spent the afternoon just resting. I could tell she was very tired (obviously!) so she had a nice warm bath and went to sleep early. She is sharing a room with her new sister so she went to bed just fine but did wake up in the middle of the night so I spent the rest of the night in bed with her just to make sure she was not scared. She is warming up and talking more today. We are going to have to go do some shopping today to pick up some clothes for her so we will just have to pace things out. She is super skinny for her age so I need to find some pants that are thin in the waste but long in the legs. I do have lots of shorts and skirts but she is currently freezing in our 70 degree Colorado weather.

These girls are going to be so close!

Safe and Sound in Miami

2011-05-20T19:28:00.002-06:00

Vanessa and I are safe and sound in Miami and she is actually snuggled up right beside me sound asleep. I was truly amazed by what unfolded over the last 48 hours. My flight was late in LA and by the grace of God the next flight which was already loaded as I came running up was delayed due to the pilot's last plane being late. People were so nice to me as I was panicking on the shuttle bus from one terminal to the next. One guy looked up the flights on his phone for me to learn that the next flight was delayed. I did not get much sleep on the flight from LA to Miami but did meet some interesting people. It is always fun to connect with people who live all over the world and find that you have things in common. The pick up at the Haiti airport went smooth. They have fixed up the airport since we were here last June. I recognized the guy waiting for me right away and then we went onto the orphanage after picking up Angie, the awesome missionary coordinator (she does so much more!). I was blessed to have Vanessa come walking right up to me when she was coming down the hallway by herself and she jumped straight into my arms for a big hug. Apparently when they told her who was coming for her she actually remembered me after only one meeting a year ago. We spent time at the orphanage saying goodbyes, taking pictures, and me learning more about Vanessa's history. She was a trooper at the Port au Prince airport. Boarding a American Airlines plane in Haiti takes skill and patience. Imagine a zillion people packed into a tiny room and the lines not moving and then having to go through three different security checkpoints before getting to the plane. We were blessed to have been bumped up to First Class tickets for the way home (thanks mom) so that helped give us easier access to bypassing lines, and security was great about letting us ahead with the wheelchair as well. I know that Vanessa was nervous, even if she would not admit it, because she got really quite and would not talk to anyone even if they spoke to her in Creole. Seating in First, now that was awesome, tons of space and you actually get fed real food. Vanessa chowed down a cheeseburger, cookies and pop and had a blast catching ice with her straw and eating it. We did have a few tears when her ears plugged up and she freaked out about it. Thankfully I had my translation guide on hand to at least get out some simple instructions to her.

So all is well, we are pumped to be riding first class on two more flights tomorrow and then we will be back to Denver at 11am.

Leaving for Haiti

2011-05-19T18:45:00.001-06:00

O.k. I am at the Denver airport waiting for my plane. My husband was a bit nervous at sending me alone to Haiti but I actually and really calm about the whole thing. I know what the airport in Haiti looks like and who to look for (well still waiting on confirmation on that, but I know it will be one of a handful of familiar faces in Haiti). Please pray that it remains on time as the flight before it at the same gate was delayed over a hour due to weather. If my plane to LA is delayed then I may not make my connection to Miami and subsequently would not make the connection to Haiti. My gut tells me that everything will be fine so I am sticking with that. On a lighter note I have enjoyed the many strange looks I received while pushing a wheelchair through the airport with a big backpack sitting on it! I can imagine what it looks like, "Boy that lady must really like her backpack" or "Hey that is a unique rolling bag!". I forgot to have my hubby take my picture at drop off at the airport so I will take a picture of the backpack on wheels. Now if I had just remembered to bring the cord which loads pics onto the computer I could post them ASAP. Hmm, maybe I will do some airport shopping for the forgotten gadget?

May 20th Airlift is a Go!!!!!

2011-05-17T11:46:00.001-06:00

I received a reassuring call yesterday that Vanessa's appointment went smooth at the US Embassy in Haiti and that she would be ready to travel on Friday. Thing is we did not immediately know which Friday, then I received a confirmation that she would in fact have to fly this Friday and that one of us would have to go to Haiti to escort her. Yes you heard that correct, I am leaving for Haiti this week! We scrambled to find last minute flights that would get me into Haiti on Friday morning and back out the same afternoon with Vanessa. I managed to piece together a itinerary that has me leaving Denver Thursday night, flying through LA then overnight to Miami just in time to make the first morning flight into Haiti. Both Vanessa and I will then leave Haiti Friday afternoon, arrive to process her through immigration in Miami and spend the night (turns out there is a hotel right at the airport, high priced but worth it) then fly out early in the morning to transfer planes in Houston and arrive to Denver at 11am on Saturday. Did you get that? Now the cost of throwing together that type of itinerary to leave in three days, and spend only four hours in Haiti, is costing as much as it cost for two of us to fly round-trip to Ethiopia back in 2008. So I was extremely appreciative when my parents offered to contribute air miles towards the flight. She is already loved so much by so many! To add to the joy, we got bumped up to first class for our flights out of Haiti and back to Denver, because the plane was full. Vanessa is going to be so excited, I can't wait to see her! I won't have to wait long since lift off is in less then 72 hours. Man I am gonna be tired, but for now I am to pumped about planning to sleep! The last time I saw Vanessa, she was crying when I said goodbye. I hugged her and reassured her that God would find a way to heal her legs and give her a family. The fact that she survived the earthquake and that all the pieces have fallen together to get her here for surgery is nothing less then a miracle. More then one person told me that it was impossible to get her here. Well, Vanessa here I come, get ready to touch the hearts of everyone you meet on the way!!!!!!!!!!!

Great News-Repost

2011-05-13T12:13:00.001-06:00

Something strange happened. I posted about our family update just a few days ago and it has disappeared? So to make a really long story short, amazing things are happening. I have accepted a job as a school psychologist is a really nice community in AZ. Rental house has been found and our house in CO sold in three days! But the biggest news of all is that Vanessa has received her visa to come to the US for one year on a humanitarian parole!!!!!! She will hopefully be arriving by the end of the month and receiving her surgery in June. This has been a huge test of faith and perseverance so I am so glad to see the outcome....

HUGE Update

2011-05-11T21:46:00.000-06:00

The last couple months have been a true test of faith and persistence. First off, as soon as I learned that my job had been non-renewed I started looking at openings. Given there were not many openings in CO at the time, I wandered onto some AZ listings. Despite growing up in North Dakota, I really hate cold winters and cloudy days. So I stumbled upon a opening for a position in AZ and applied. I dropped them a line that I would be in town during spring break and to my surprise they called me for a interview while I was there. The school district turned out to be in a beautiful little community only 20 minutes from where my parents spend their winters in AZ. Several weeks after returning I was offered the job. I still was not sure if it was meant to be. I do really like Colorado, and I can't imagine driving to work and not seeing the Rocky Mountains every morning. So I prayed and waited for some direction. And that we got! We listed our house on the market on a Tuesday, had a showing the next evening and agreed upon a contract to sell by Friday! Yes, that is right our house sold in three days. Amazing, isn't it? That surely was a sign. Since then most of my anxieties about moving to AZ have evaporated. There are tons of rental options and I think I have found a great pad for our family until we get settled and are ready to buy. I have even found someone on Craigslist who makes huge air conditioned dog houses! Yep, worrying about my dogs roasting while we are away was actually a huge stressor.

But wait, there is more REALLY BIG news........ Remember how we received a letter direct from USCIS saying that Vanessa's humanitarian parole visa had been denied? Well I opened my mail up last Monday and there before me was a letter saying that she had been granted a full one year humanitarian parole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, I was shocked! I still have no idea why they changed their mind. The last I knew, I had talked with a case representative with Senator Udall's office in CO. I can only assume that their involvement worked or maybe even someone else out there. Whoever or whatever the reason I am so thankful that the plans for her surgery are back on track. So by now you may be wondering, well how are you going to take care of a little girl who is getting surgery in CO when you are moving to AZ? Within about 30 seconds of reading the letter I was stressing out about that little dilemma. We have sense been able to extend out the closing date on our house and are praying that Vanessa will be able to obtain her travel document in Haiti so that she can arrive to CO very soon. Since, unfortunately I have to start my job mid-July, it has been decided that my husband will stay in CO to be with Vanessa while she recovers from surgery and receives her post-op care. This was the point at which another miracle occurred. Through my reaching out to a organization called Kids Mobility Network, a communication was able to happen with the Ronald McDonald House and we have been reassured that after we move, and once a room is available, that he and Vanessa can stay there as long as required! Of course we will have other friends and family coming to help them out and I will travel back and forth as much as possible.

And so there it is, I am a bit overwhelmed as I write it out. I had been planning to care for Vanessa during her recovery, so of course I am disappointed, but what matters most is that she gets her surgery. I really believe though that everything is happening as it should. If we had received news earlier of her visa, I would have never accepted the job in AZ and we would not have signed the contract to sell our house. There really comes a time in life when you just have to go with the flow and trust that there is in fact a higher plan. Faith, hope and persistence does prevail!

Yes, there are people out there who I am sure think that we are completely insane to be taking all of this on at once. My response would be "To what extent would you go to receive a life altering surgery for your biological child?" From the first moment that we met Vanessa we knew that we had to do something. I have gone to the ends of the earth to save my children and she is no exception.

Visa Denied!!!!!!!

2011-04-03T14:38:00.002-06:00

I am heartbroken to announce that upon returning last night from a one week spring break trip to Arizona, that we found waiting for us a letter from USCIS. This letter officially announced that the Humanitarian Affairs Branch of the International Operations Division of the US Citizenship and Immigration Services had after careful consideration denied Vanessa's application for a Humanitarian Parole Visa. The reasons given were not specific and stated only that the requests are based on "urgent humanitarian reasons". They nicely informed us that "Although the facts as presented are certainly unfortunate, it has been determined after careful review that a favorable exercise of the Secretary's discretionary authority is not warranted."
How nice of them to point out to me that it is unfortunate that a 9 year old traumatized orphan, and survivor of the Haitian earthquake, continues to live with a physically disabling condition which if not treated very soon will result in a life long permanent disability.

I have not completely processed this news and really do not know where to begin with my own emotions on the matter. I am angry for sure. Angry with my own government. I pay my taxes, I follow the rules and I am 100% willing to cover all of Vanessa's living costs while in the US. I understand the immigration laws and understand that she would have to be returned to the US once her surgery and treatment was complete.
It makes me sick when I think of the extreme medical and therapeutic measures that are taken at the expense of US tax payers, for US citizens who could have simply avoided their medical conditions if they had taken better care of themselves. Vanessa did not do anything to bring on her own disabling condition. I am not asking the US government to pay for anything for this child, in fact we are now out the $400 and some application fee that we had to send to USCIS just so they could deny the application. Everyone involved from the Denver Children's Hospital to ourselves was on board with covering the costs to treat Vanessa and get her walking. If she had been born in the US she would already have received bracing and surgery as well as extensive physical therapy. She would have specialized equipment and she would have a team of people at school who do a ton of paperwork to get her every service and accommodation available through the school system.

All we were asking for this child was to receive a piece of paper for her to enter the US. I am openly airing my thoughts here because I am soooooooo tired of the average person not understanding why we have a illegal immigration problem in the US and hearing people in the US say things like if illegal immigrants want to come here legally there is a way. Well, yes there is a way for a very tiny, limited and lucky few who have the resources to support them in the process. I have barely been able to understand all the USCIS rules and regulations and English is my first and only language. We have had to drive 40 miles just to get our fingerprints taken for USCIS and when there was a problem with our last adoption I had to get up at 4am to call the National Visa Customer Service Line because you can NEVER get through to a person at any other time of the day then when they were unable to resolve the problem I have to drive another 60 miles to get 10 minutes with a USCIS officer in person. The mounds of paperwork, hoops to jump and expensive fees to pay for US visa applications are overwhelming. In this case we can't even get a fragile 9 year old orphan temporarily into the US to receive a life altering surgery. Am I the only one who thinks that is wrong?

We did contact our local Senators' offices and Senator Udall's office was supposed to be looking into the matter. However, we never heard back from them and they did not return our phone calls or emails. Very dissapointing. It all leaves me wondering what do we really stand for in the US? Certainly not for what is written below the Statue of Liberty:

"Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset hates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lighting, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

~ Poem by Emma Lazarus

Photo from Tony Czech
*Please do not copy and repost

Please Pray for Us

2011-03-23T01:08:00.001-06:00

Just when I think that I have been tested enough times in my life I am hit with yet another curve ball. You see both my husband and I work in the education system and the last few years, the budget cuts to education in Colorado have been devastating. At this same time last year my husband received news of his non-renewal for his HS teaching position at a public school in the Denver metro area. He eventually accepted a position at a innovative Charter HS. This change resulted in a pay cut but honestly he has been treated much better by the people he works with. I am now learning the hard way that unfortunately working in the public school system during times of budget crisis means that, well, to be blunt you are simply a number. After three years of giving 150% to my position as school psychologist I received news last Friday that my employment will be non-renewed at the end of the school year. Had I been the least bit prepared for this I might be coping better, but I was completely caught off guard. I have a stack of documents attesting to my positive work performance and just a month ago had been informed by the principal at my school that I was doing a great job and "there would be no surprises". I am utterly devastated for so many reasons. I have truly invested in the development of programs in the school district that I work for, volunteering to serve on several specialized teams. I have formed excellent relationships with the staff that I work with at my assigned building and they are all shocked by the news. Nearly every teacher as said to me "I just can't believe it, I don't know what to say". I am most saddened because I really care about the kids that I work with. Many of these kids are in foster or kinship placements and have been tossed around in their young lives. Having consistent relationships with caring adults in their lives is so important and now they will have one less familiar face when they return to school next year. Someone completely new will have to learn their stories, their fears, what sets them off and what calms them down. Of course this is also a terrible hit to my family, as my children attend the same school where I work and my husband works just up the street. Thinking that I was finally going to obtain tenured status we had started looking at homes in the area. We have been commuting 45 minutes each way to work for the last 3 1/2 years, for this very reason, that there is no guarantee of stable employment until a school employee becomes tenured after three years of service. In my situation I am being given no answers but I have some hypothesis. See, I choose to enter the mental health profession because I care about kids and that did not change when I started working in the schools. But I am very saddened to say that not everyone who runs our schools has the best interest of kids in mind. I will always stand up for the rights of kids and the rights of those who work with them, including myself. So enough said on that.

Where this leaves us of course is having no idea where we are going to be living next fall. I have faith that I will find new employment or find a way to make ends meet. The problem is that we still have heard nothing on the status of Vanessa's humanitarian visa. I have always believed that things happen for a reason but my faith is definitely being tested, tested for so many reasons all at once. To work so hard for a organization and to be blindsided leaves me wondering. Wondering if good things really happen as a result of doing good things in life. Yes, I know there are no guarantees and maybe this is all part of the big lesson that I need to learn. And so I will continue to show up for work for the remainder of the school year knowing that at least I have a few more months to make a difference for the students in my care.

Please pray for my guidance, in job searching, for progress on Vanessa's visa and for my own children, that they will bravely cope with yet another school transition. But, most of all pray for my faith and my heart, that I do not become hardened towards the people who made this decision that has devastated my family.

March Madness Fundraiser!

2011-02-26T13:19:00.001-07:00

Since Vanessa's medical visa was denied we are in the process of applying for her to receive a humanitarian visa so that she can come to the US to receive the surgery needed to correct her leg deformity. This process is costing ourselves, as well as For His Glory Adoption Outreach, extra expenses. It is of course well worth it but we need your help. We would like to reimburse For His Glory Adoption Outreach the $500 that it cost to prepare her documents and have them translated for USCIS. We also have to come up with the fees to cover the expenses of the postage, application and visa fees. I have set a fundraising goal of $1,000 to raise by the end of March. There are two ways that you can help:

Order Great Fair Trade Coffee with Organic Options!

This is a great way to try out different coffees and two help us out at the same time. For every bag ordered we will receive $5.

To order your coffee now go to our store at:

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/AfricaInOurHearts

Make a easy cash donation through the Chip-In Gadget:

BONUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

If we sell just 15 bags of coffee we will receive a gift package from Just Love Coffee Roasters with 4 bags of coffee, a coffee mug and a bumper sticker. I will enter every person who orders coffee or makes a cash donation into a drawing to receive this gift package!

Birthday Joy and Deep Thoughts

2011-02-13T21:03:00.002-07:00

Our little Leo turned four on February 2nd, well according to us anyways! You see we have not been able to get his US birth date aligned with what his medical and orphanage records indicate from Rwanda. The problem is that when our case was approved in Rwandan court they listed the day that he arrived to the orphanage as his birth date. Based on his weight, picture, and a letter from the head nun at the orphanage we know he is at least 6 months older. His growth is now also catching up to that of a 4 year old. His measurements when he came home placed him at the 25th percentile for weight and less then 1st percentile for height. I am happy to report that when I measured him this week he is now at the 50th percentile for both height and weight (for age 4). I could not believe it! Here I had been thinking that he has not grown all that much in the last year but I guess when it happens right before your eyes it is easy to not see the change. He has actually grown almost 6 inches in height in the last year!!!!! He was soooooo excited about his birthday presents and cake. Ever since his big brother's b-day back in November he has been asking for his very own birthday cake. His facial expressions caught on camera where priceless.

It is completely amazing to me when I think of where my little boy came from and what he has survived. I can only imagine what desperation led his birth mother to abandon him. I am confident that she cared because she left him somewhere where he would be found. And found he was! He was taken in by the loving hands of the nuns and nannies at the Home of Hope Orphanage (the one run by the sisters of Calcutta) in Kigali, Rwanda. I still remember being told when we met him, that upon his arrival to the orphanage "He was so so skinny, so so skinny...". And that he was. Perhaps this is why his birth mother made the difficult choice of handing him over to fate, knowing that she did not have the resources to care for him properly. I can only thank the Lord that it was not to late when he was found and not only did he survive, he has thrived! Yes, many days my son exhausts me with his energy and curiosity but over and over again I remind myself that it is that energy and enthusiasm for life that makes him so incredibly amazing. I wish that his birth mother could see him, that she could have some acceptance in knowing that he is o.k. I regret that we will never know her or his birth father's story, or if he has brothers and sisters in Rwanda. I am sure she that when she made that fateful decision, that she could not have ever imagined that he would not only be saved but would take a journey across the world to his forever family. Whatever her circumstances were, I am so grateful that she made the choice to give him life.

Are You Listening?

2011-02-08T21:55:00.003-07:00

Check out this video "Are You Listening" by Kirk Franklin and Friends. In my opinion way better then the "We are the World" remake. And after being in Haiti I think they got the song just right. Watching it brings up tons of emotions for me right now and Vanessa not getting her medical visa is just the start. This fall we set up a booth to bring awareness to the needs of orphans in Haiti at a local church for Orphan Sunday and honestly I was shocked by the lack of disinterest. I have also noticed that my posts about our Haitian adoption don't nearly get the attention or traffic that our adoption from Rwanda did. Sure leaves me wondering if anyone is listening?

Medical Visa Denied, Please Help!

2011-02-03T23:08:00.009-07:00

Picture from Tony Czech 1/11

It is time for me to speak up. To speak up on behalf of a amazing little girl who needs our help. I feel like doing more then speaking up, I feel like shouting from the mountain tops of Colorado! So here I go..... Let me introduce you to Vanessa. Her name is the same as that of a beautiful butterfly genius and I believe that she is destined for great things. I believe that just as a butterfly goes through metamorphosis, Vanessa's body will be changed and healed by a miracle. You see Vanessa was born with a physical disability that is becoming progressively worse with age. It is called Blount's disease and at age 9 her legs are so bowed out from the knees on down that she cannot walk normally or for more then a few very short distances. In fact when we saw Vanessa on our trip to Haiti in June of 2010 she was not walking at all. She was in a extreme amount of pain from the pressure on her joints and was only able to crawl or pull herself around. My husband put together a wheelchair for her that the orphanage had stored away, but the size of the chair was way to large for her and not at all appropriate to independently maneuver around the orphanage grounds. I do have a picture of her legs which shows the extreme nature of her disability, but out of respect to Vanessa I am not posting it here.

From the time that I first met Vanessa I was struck by her beauty, personality and strength. She was brought out to join a counseling session that I was doing with a small group of school age girls, who were showing signs of trauma after the earthquake. I took time to get to know each girl and to do some play therapy. Then the issue of the earthquake came up. Some of the girls could not talk about it without crying, but Vanessa very bravely looked at me and shared her story. She was living at a school for special needs children when the earthquake happened. She explained to me that the school building collapsed on her and she was buried but three days later a miracle happened when she was pulled from the rubble alive. I asked her if she was afraid and she told me no because her friends and Jesus were with her. I later learned that she was the lone survivor. I am sharing this with you because I believe in fate. I believe that Vanessa is going to do something amazing with her second chance at life. But, she needs a little help from us to reach that full potential.

On my trips to several third world countries, it is the images of the disabled children and adults who haunt me the most. Life is hard enough when you live in poverty, but it is even harder when you are disadvantaged by a mental or physical disability. To often disabled children are abandoned or hidden away, only to become beggars on the street if they survive. Thankfully this has not been the case for Vanessa however without treatment her life will be very limited. The frustrating thing is that Blount's disease is something that we don't see much of in the United States. That is because if Vanessa had been born in the US she would have received braces and therapy to correct her legs as a toddler age child. If that did not work she would have received surgery as a young child. These things are not options in Haiti where even basic medical care is a privilege. And so it is that Vanessa at age 9 has never known anything other then her physical disability. From the loving care that she has received at Maison orphanage she is now stronger then she was in June and is actually walking on her bowed legs. This not at all ideal however. The amount of pressure that is placed on her hip and knee joints is causing damage and I am told that at some point she will no longer be able to continue walking. If she gets much older it will be to late to perform the needed surgery to straighten her legs and reconstruct her knees. Even now at this age the corrections from the surgery may not be permanent, but the sooner the surgery is performed the more likely that it will be successful.

So here is where you and I come into play. When we met Vanessa in June we approached with a offer to FHG that we were ready, willing and able to care for and house Vanessa should she be able to come to the US for surgery. We live about one hour from the Denver Children's Hospital and work even closure. A physician was contacted at Children's, then the appropriate committee and one thing after another fell into place. We even have a organization that has a refurbished wheelchair picked out and waiting for Vanessa. We bought another bed at our house, picked up some more girl clothes and talked to our kids. Over the course of the last 7 months everything has been prepared for Vanessa to receive this life changing surgery.

So why am I writing this today, why am I yelling from the mountains of CO? At 8am this morning Vanessa had her visa appointment with the US Embassy in Port au Prince, Haiti and she was denied! Yes that is right, all the paperwork was in place and there she was and she was denied. The reason given was none aside from a form letter stating that she did not qualify for a US visa. Well, that is NOT acceptable to me. I will not accept that from my government and I will not give up hope for this child. A physician has examined Vanessa in Haiti and stated that she needs to receive surgery in the US. The procedure that she requires is complex, painful, and will require extensive post-operative care and follow-up.

So if you are out there reading this and you have any contacts, information or resources that will assist us please help! We are researching the next steps and I will be in process of contacting our state Senators and Congressman. Please also contact your own representatives so that we can obtain as much attention for Vanessa as possible. If you can, please spread the word to others who may be able to help. Feel free to pass on this blog post, tell your friends or do some of your own screaming from a mountain top. And please pray, pray that Vanessa will not loose hope herself. You see she had some idea of what was happening when she excitedly made her trip to the US Embassy today (being carried in by the owner of the orphanage) and was then denied hope for her miracle. Please join with me in keeping that hope alive for this child who has already survived so much!

******If you have information or would like to offer assistance please drop a comment to me with your contact information and let me know if you would like your contact information to remain private from this blog. All comments come to my email first before I approve them for posting on the blog.

Image from Angie K at Vanessa's 9th birthday in Haiti

Cold Days!

2011-02-01T21:50:00.001-07:00

I have heard of snow days but cold days are a whole new thing to me. That is until yesterday afternoon when the school district I work for announced that there would be no school today due to dangerously cold weather. Turns out that most other Denver metro area as well as northern and southern CO school districts cancelled school. It was 1 degree outside today, then we got the call this afternoon that tomorrow would be an additional "Cold Day". This is a little weird to me because I grew up in Bismarck, ND where I lived for my entire childhood and then attended college in Fargo, ND at North Dakota State University. These are places where the snow may never melt all winter long and you can easily hit multiple digits below zero with the windshield. I remember the very energetic weather man who would get so excited when he got to announce that yet again the temperature was below the donut! I don't remember ever once school being cancelled in ND or MN due to severely cold weather. I do remember spending days with cancelled classes at NDSU when the snow storm of 1997 hit (followed by the floods of 1997). Anyways, I am not going to complain because I am more then happy to spend time hanging out at home with my kids and catching up on my to do list. Really I do get it, because here in CO we really are not used to extreme cold weather. People don't have automatic car starters and block heaters. Many of the kids at the school where I work don't even own what we would think of as winter coats yet hats and gloves. No one wants little kids standing alone at the bus stop at 7am in -10 below, who don't have proper clothing, with buses that arrive late or not at all because they won't start. And so we are all staying nice and warm with our second "cold day" tomorrow. And the timing is just fine with me because tomorrow is our little Leo's 4th birthday!

Watch "Adopting Haiti"

2011-01-18T21:45:00.005-07:00

I encourage you to head on over to Hulu.com to watch a documentary free online. The film, titled "Adopting Haiti" features the same orphanage that we served at this summer. The documentary shows footage of Port au Prince after the earthquake and follows the struggles that the children, nannies, and volunteers went through in the weeks following the earthquake. It features the events and actions leading up to the evacuation of the majority of the children who were being cared for at Maison des Enfants de Dieu. I want to point out that, in the film you will see a few children who have disabilities. These children are still living at the orphanage and waiting for a forever family.

Here is the link to the full video on the Hulu website:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/202472/adopting-haiti

I Still Have Hope for Haiti

2011-01-13T10:24:00.003-07:00

As most of you probably know, yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti. The statistics are grim. Haiti was already the poorest country in the western hemisphere with 80% of the population living below the poverty line and a 52% literacy rate. An estimated 300,000 people were killed, one million left homeless, and countless injured. Despite tons of money being donated through very large organizations, little progress has been made in Haiti. To see my own writings about our trip to Haiti in June of last year go here, http://africainourhearts.blogspot.com/search/label/Travels%20in%20a%20Small%20World What struck me was that six months after the earthquake it looked as if it had just happened. From what I have seen and read not much progress has been made. News reports indicate that only 10% (probably a high estimate, other sources say 2%) of the rubble has been cleared (http://abcnews.go.com/International/haiti-year-quake-cholera-babies-school-walls/story?id=12592198). To make the situation worse cholora has now clamined the lives of more then 3,000 individuals with 181, infections reported ( http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Haiti+cholera+toll+tops/4103074/story.html ) Then there is the difficult task of determing who Haiti's next president will be, resulting in further government instability and public rioting (http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/americas/01/05/haiti.election/index.html?iref=allsearch).

In the face of all of sobering pictures, stories and news it is all to easy as Americans to just shrug our shoulders and say to ourselves that there is nothing that we can do. I have heard people tell me so many times that Haiti has always struggled and always will. I however refuse to believe that there is not a solution. Why? Because I heard the stories of women and children in Haiti who are so incredibily strong. They have faced one obstacle and loss after another and yet they have not given up hope. And so it is my belief that there is hope. Hope that comes through the amazing work being done by one person for one person at a time. What I saw in Haiti was that most of the direct assistance is being done by the small organizations. The organizations who are run by or employ Haitians, the ones who already were working miracles before the earthquake, and who were there when it happened.

For a glimpse into one organization doing such work I invite you to check out some of my links under Haiti blogs/projects. To hear specifically what my daughter's orphanage has been up to in the last month check out a letter from Pastor Pierre: http://forhisgloryoutreach.blogspot.com/2010/12/word-from-pierre.html

I won't give up on them:

One Year Home

2011-01-02T20:36:00.001-07:00

The last two weeks of 2010 were very busy at our house. We celebrated Leo's 1st year home with us on December 20th. That is the day that we arrived to the Denver CO airport and were picked up by a very gracious and dear friend. Christmas last year was a huge blur. The first week home with a adopted toddler meant lots of fatigue, adjusting for everyone, and improvisation. Looking back on it the week of Christmas is not a ideal time to bring home your new child. As soon as the Christmas decorations went up this year I could sense the change in him. He started waking up again at night, became more clingy, more restless again, and fearful of being away from us. He also restarted his preference for being with one of us over the other, this time me. I don't think he has any clear understanding that he came home with us just before Christmas but I am positive that all those decoration triggered lots of insecure feelings. So I can't really say that the last few weeks have been easy. Thankfully both my husband and I get two weeks of for Christmas, the same as our kids' school schedule since we work in the schools. While working as a psychologist in a public school system is not very glamorous or prestigious it certainly does have it's benefits when raising a household full of kids. So anyways, we tend not to make a big deal out of our "gotcha" days so we just talked about it and had a small cake (Leo loves cake!). I guess since we have one biological child and two adopted, I kinda think that making a really big deal out of gotcha days just sets them apart.

Of course we also celebrated what I would consider our first "real" Christmas with the little guy because last year he had no clue what the heck was going on. This year he talked all about baby Jesus (and Santa thanks to television). I also celebrated my 36th birthday which turned out not to be such a great day because I had a nasty sinus headache turned migraine. We were able to go out to celebrate thanks to the paternal grandparents being in town to visit for Christmas. So in looking back on the year, I really can't believe how fast it has gone. In many ways, Leo has functioned so much better then I had expected. As a psychologist I knew all to well the risks of adopting a 3 year old child who had lived most of his life in a large orphanage. But really he is amazingly well adjusted. He is social, affectionate, intelligent, and full of energy. It is the full of energy part that has made it a exhausting year. He knows how to get attention and during all waking hours is successful at keeping us all running (flooded the bathroom tonight!) We also continue to struggle with bedtime at night as he is afraid to go to sleep on his own. Yes, this part is wearing on me. As a working mother I desperately need some alone time at night and often don't get it. Discipline has also been a challenge as we balance attachment parenting and teaching limits to a child who really does not care about loosing anything other then his family. So we don't give isolated time-outs and even if we did he would never stay in one place. My advice to any parent adopting a toddler would be to read as much as possible, find a support group of other adoptive parents, choose your battles wisely, and give LOTS of choices. I know that in the grand scheme of things our challenges with him are very minor. And so I am most of all thankful for being blessed with such a amazingly resilient child. And yeah, while I was not to happy about turning 36 this year (some how freaked me out because now I am well on my way to 40!) and it is all to easy for me to think about all the should haves (a bigger house would be nice) I really think I am right were I need to be. I may not always understand why things have happened the way they have in our life (repeated miscarriage, losses and health issues) but this year my resolution is to trust that there is a greater plan.

A Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone!

Ethiopian Baby Business?

2010-12-20T00:37:00.000-07:00

Recent news article on the subject:

http://www.voanews.com/english/news/Under-Pressure-Ethiopia-Plans-Crackdown-on-Baby-Business-111848424.html

I have posted before about the ethics of adoptions in Ethiopia and it appears the subject just keeps coming up. As adoptions from Ethiopia continue to rise so have the number of adoptive families who have come forward with information about their adoptive children's stories that just did not add up. The good thing is that there are organizations who are keeping a eye on things and Ethiopia is aware that there are problems and they are actively working to fix them. This is why many countries have very strict international adoption laws, so that things do not get out of hand. Unfortunately, this sometimes happens at the expense of the orphans who have to wait a very long time, if ever, for their forever families. But it is definitely not good either to have loose regulations where orphanages, adoption agencies and baby facilitators run rampant to meet the supply and demand for healthy infants. There has to be a happy medium to ensure that the children placed are really orphans while also maintaining a smooth and ethical process. In the meantime, there are just to many concerns regarding the ethics of Ethiopian adoption to be ignored.

Check out PEAR's statements and survey results at:

http://pear-now.org/docs/PEAR-Ethiopia-Survey-Results.pdf

http://www.brandeis.edu/investigate/gender/adoption/expertsrespond_PEAR.html

US State Deparment Notice concerning fraud in Ethiopian Adoption (dated 12/6/10):

http://adoption.state.gov/news/ethiopia.html

Hamster vs Mouse

2010-12-07T23:53:00.001-07:00

You know those little electronic hamsters and they now have ones for boys called battle hamsters? Well it turns out we have a real live battle hamster. My daughter got a black and white (panda bear) long haired hamster this fall. Her name is Zoe and she has a cute little cage that is a bit messy at times. Apparently they just don't make enclosed hamster cages like when I was a kid. I however felt bad just putting it in a tank so we gave in and bought the funky modern but messy hamster cage. Part of the cage is wire with small spaces between. Well it turned (yep I am speaking in past tense) out that we had a mouse back in our house this winter. We were alerted to this unpleasant visitor when I discovered that our daughter had a nice stash of uneaten candy, as well as wrappers, and toys (most belonging to brothers) hidden between her bed and the wall. Yes, I suppose you could call this hoarding, and many of you adoptive parents out there know what I am talking about. Anyways, some of the wrappers were freakishly chewed up, clearly the work of a rodent not my daughter. And by the looks of the chewed up book the mouse was obviously a happy camper with this stash. There was of course also the usual mouse remnants left behind. Yes, totally grossed us out. So my husband diligently cleaned it all up and set up mouse traps in the house, warned the kids not to touch them, and cautioned that he hoped that the hamster does not escape because it would meet a sad and gruesome fate. And yes our daughter also got a informative lesson in why not to hide things like this in her room (which you would think by now she would know that she is not going to run out of things but that is another post all together). Well that night, my husband woke up to a squealing noise and feared the worst thinking that the hamster was in a trap. He ran downstairs to find the hamster cage shaking and when he looked closer the mouse was in the cage! Apparently, with its food source gone, it had squeezed its way between the wire and into the hamster cage to steel the hamster food. Zoe, the hamster, however was not at all pleased with having it's territory invaded and attacked the thing then chased it up the tube and trapped it into the little house. My husband was able to transfer the mouse into the hamster ball and just like that the mouse was caught and disposed of (well probably not so humanely but I asked him to spare me the details). I checked out the hamster the next morning because we were worried that she had been bit by the mouse. She was however completely injury free. Turns out that the mouse was no match for a angry, furry, and well fed hamster. Way to go awesome but messy hamster! I was so happy with her that I even added some tubes onto her cage and picked up some hamster chew toys. Mice beware we have a guard hamster in the family.

Sad News

2010-11-29T22:25:00.001-07:00

So many conflicting emotions going on right now that I am not really sure what to say. I will keep the personal stuff private for now. Just please be thinking about us and praying that my eyes remain open to the path that I am meant to take, for our family and for my career.

I will talk about one issue. Adopting a toddler age or older children is not easy! Seriously, if you are in the process of bringing a toddler or older child into your home please do not underestimate what you are getting into. You will experience amazing joy and extreme challenges along the journey. My youngest son is going through some struggles right now. Hard to say how much of it is being a high strung toddler, and how much of it is still adjusting, but it is to be expected. We went through similar "attachment bumps" with our daughter and while not easy to experience I know it will get better. We are approaching his one year anniversary home and it is common for adoptive parents to report that their kids act up around such times. I don't think he has a cognitive awareness of what is happenig but I do believe that things like Christmas decorations (smells and sights can trigger pre-cognitive memories) and chaotic schedules can throw everything out of wack. I spent Thanksgiving thankful for everything that I have and as usual with a heavy heart for those who I have seen and left behind on my travels.

As you know from my recent blog posts, my thoughts continue to be on Haiti. So much is happening there now. One of the newest children taken in at the orphanage, where my daughter is living, passed away this last week. The orphanage staff did everything they could to help this little guy, named Rudy. When their resources were depleted they took him to a hospital where he eventually passed on last Friday. You can read about little Rudy and see his picture here: http://www.mission82.blogspot.com/
It is hard for me to describe what my reaction to this news was. Frustration, anger, sadness, were all there but I am also grateful that there were loving arms to care for him at the end of his life. I am sad that he did not come to Maison sooner but well aware that he could have also died in very different circumstances. Anyway you put it, it is difficult to see but I accept that there is a bigger picture that I am not aware of in all of this.

Can it Get Worse in Haiti?

2010-11-20T14:57:00.003-07:00

Perhaps yes, and that is what is really scary. Not long after reports that the cholera outbreak had been contained, it is now quickly becoming out of control. Thousands of cases have now been identified in Port au Prince, mostly coming from the slum areas. To add to the problem, pockets of violent protests erupted in the cities of Cap Hatien and Port au Prince this week. A combination of desperation, fear, and misinformation has led some Haitiens to believe that the Cholera was brought to Haiti by UN forces. The source of the Cholera is being investigated the accusations have been disputed at this point. The sad irony is that the supplies and services so desperately needed have been halted or stopped all together in the areas impacted by the violence, the same areas most affected by the cholera outbreak. To complicate matters further the presidential election in Haiti is approaching at the end of November.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/11/19/haiti.cholera/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/11/18/haiti.cholera/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/11/20/haiti.cholera/index.html

I have said this before and I will keep telling everyone I can. If you want to help please give to small organizations, the ones who are on the ground and doing work right now to save lives and shelter orphans. For His Glory Adoption Outreach http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/ continues to support the Maison orphanage, providing a safe haven for orphaned and abandoned children in Port au Prince. Most of their children come from the slum areas where the cholera is spreading. I would predict that as the cholera outbreak increases, the number of orphans being brought to the creches will also increase. This is all coming as the orphanages in Haiti struggle to obtain the necessary financial resources to meet the needs of the children in their care. Just something to point out here, neither the government of Haiti nor any large humanitarian agencies directly provide for the operating costs of the orphanages.

Another amazing agency The Haiti Rescue Center is busy performing miracles as we speak. They are located in the area of Cazale. Their usual work is that of saving severely malnourished and ill children. Once returned to health the kids go back to their families or in the rare occasion are placed for adoption. The cholera outbreak in the local region has apparently challenged their work and in response they have opened their door to treating those patients who are to sick to make it to the nearest hospital. They have treated 227 cholera patients in 10 days. The pictures and stories posted on their blog are both heartbreaking and amazing. They are doing a incredible amount of work with the limited resources that they have. Check them out and make a donation at http://haitirescuecenter.wordpress.com/

Happy Birthday in Haiti!

2010-11-14T01:01:00.000-07:00

A very special little girl who we met at Maison orphanage in Haiti turned 9 years old today. She is a vibrant and beautiful child who is so much stronger then I will ever be. Thanks to the loving people in her life, at the orphanage, she was able to celebrate her birthday with a actual cake. This is something that rarely happens for children living in a orphanage. Thank you Lord for saving this child, for giving her amazing gifts, for letting me meet her, and for bringing people into her life who are working miracles.

http://www.mission82.blogspot.com/

Feed Them

2010-11-07T22:07:00.002-07:00

Please head on over to this blog http://www.mission82.blogspot.com/ and consider chipping in. The missionary at our daughter's orphanage in Haiti is challenging folks to give a mere $10 to go toward the goal of $2,500 which will feed the entire orphanage and staff for one month. Can you help? They have approximately enough money in their account to fully fund the operating costs of the orphanage for only one more month.

Hurricane Tomas

2010-11-03T22:10:00.001-06:00

Weather predictions now estimate that the tropical storm Tomas is expected to reintensify back to hurricane status overnight and it could hit Haiti as a level one hurricane by Friday. The Weather Channel website states that the result would likely mean very heavy rainfall with life threatening flooding and mudslides in the mountains. The countryside in Haiti is especially at risk to hurricanes and tropical storms due to deforestation. The hope is that the city of Port au Prince will not be directly hit, but even if they receive primarily heavy rain a tent is obviously not a safe place to wait out a storm. News sites report that the US Navy vessel Iwo Jima set out for Haiti on Tuesday to be available to provide disaster assistance and the United Nations is working to pre-position supplies in designated areas in the country. The Haitian government and various NGO's and humanitarian organizations are also planning evacuation procedures for people living in tent camps in at-risk areas. The problem is where do you evacuate people who already have no place to go? Please pray for them and pray that the storm will weaken or change course.

http://newsone.com/nation/associatedpress2/haiti-braces-for-hurricane-thomas

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/11/03/tropical.weather/index.html

http://www.weather.com/newscenter/hurricanecentral/2010/tomas.html

And I am Down....

2010-11-02T19:03:00.001-06:00

Down that is with my second case of the flu this fall already. Only this time it is a SEVERE case of the stomach flu. I will spare you the details except to say that today I experienced extreme empathy for those in third world countries who die from dehydration secondary to illness. I was able to prevent dehydration for myself by pulling out the Pedialyte freezie pops that I stashed in the freezer when my kidos were sick a few weeks ago. Even if I had not had the luxury of a freezer and the best invention ever (since usually if you try to drink pedialyte liquid when your stomach is upset you just throw it up!) I also had the option of driving myself up the street to the clinic or ER. Those are all options that most people in the world do not have. So despite having a really bad day because I was the sickest I have ever been (seriously) and having to take precious time off work, that I am trying to save, I am still extremely grateful that because of where I live this was not a life and death situation. Maybe I should still get that flu shot before I contract yet another strain of the flu going around. One of the drawbacks of working in a elementary school indeed.

Urgent Help Needed in Haiti

2010-11-01T13:46:00.004-06:00

I hate to follow a positive post with a negative but that is the real world so here it goes. A well known fact is that Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere. What few people know however, is that Haiti now also ranks at the top of all countries for death rate (percentage of deaths per 1,000 at mid year). Part of this is due to the earthquake that decimated the tiny country in January, but it is also contributed to by disease and famine. Seriously this makes me sick. The fact that the country with the worst death rate in the world is only a skip away from the United States is startling. Even more startling is their newly calculated life expectancy, also the worst in the world at age 29.93 years. The infant mortality rate (number of infants dying before age one per 1,000 live births) is also creeping up with Haiti now ranking 18 out of 224 countries (just below the Congo and Ethiopia). My facts come from the CIA World Fact Book at: https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/ha.html

This is the reality of Haiti. Everyone I talked to in Port au Prince knew somone who had died in the earthquake or after. They lost their spouses, parents, grandparents, children, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc. Then to top that off, an estimated 1 million people were left homeless following the earthquake. The average woman in Haiti has three children, so for a moment imagine yourself living in a small brick home in Port au Prince. The earthquake hits your home and one of your children is injured from the collapse, your husband does not come home from work because he is killed. Now you have three children, one disabled and no home. You are left to live in a crowded tent city where you have to pay for your water and use of the bathroom. If you are lucky enough to find work then you must leave your children alone to care for themselves while you are gone. The heat in the tent over the summer was unbearable and water scarce. The noise never stops and the smell of burning trash coupled with dehydration leaves you with a constant headache. If your children get sick you have to stand in line all day to obtain basic medical care, if any at all. You have survived the summer and now there is news of a hurricane that may hit Haiti by the end of the week (http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/11/01/tropical.weather/index.html)

So what can you, as a average American citizen do? Perhaps more than you think. You can pray, spread the word, give a donation in place of Birthday or Christmas gifts, sponsor a child, adopt a child. Whatever it is, do something. There are many organizations in Haiti that you can support. I would however encourage you to support the smaller non-profits, the ones with less overhead and less loopholes. I would also highly encourage you to check out the organization that supports our daughter's orphanage. The orphanage, Maison des Enfants de Dieu, is struggling to pay the rent and salaries, to keep all of their employees (the nannies and cooks). These are the women who I counseled in Haiti. And my scenario above is nearly the exact scenario that many of them are living. Most were the only person in their household working and some are still living in the tent camps. Some lost children in the earthquake, children who were home alone while they were working that day at the orphanage. I could go on and on. So what I am trying to tell you is that when you support this organization, you are not only supporting the children living there, you are supporting the women who work there and their families. The orphanage currently houses 73 children with the number growing (120 pre-earthquake) and it costs around $300 a month to support each child. They currently have enough funds to maintain the current costs at the orphanage for one month.

To read a recent post talking directly about these issues written by the missionary who is working there now go to this blog at: http://www.mission82.blogspot.com/

To give, sponsor, or find out about adoptions go to: http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/home OR to give the gift of LIFE for Christmas check out their online giving catalog at http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/christmas_gift_2010

Want a I-Touch?

2010-10-20T23:12:00.000-06:00

Our friends are raffling off a brand new 8GB Apple I-Touch. They are in process to adopt two children from Rwanda and all proceeds will support their adoption costs. I am so excited that their future children may be coming from the same care room where my son was and they could even be kidos that he knew. As a adoptive mom who has (and is still) been through fundraising I know that it is not easy to ask for help. So check them out and maybe you will win a I-Touch! http://bryanandlauraadoption.blogspot.com/

CO Adoption Refinalization

2010-10-19T22:59:00.001-06:00

Last Wednesday, November 13th, we became our youngest son's official parents according to the state of Colorado. Of course we were already his parents according to the country of Rwanda and the United States, so really this was just a formality. All went well and since we filed all the paperwork on our own behalf we all had to attend court this time. The older kids thought it was really cool seeing the court room and telling the judge that they promise to be a good brother and sister. Unfortunately, my petition to modify his birth date was denied, stating that we would have to fix it in Rwanda. There is a slim chance that would ever happen so I will probably petition the courts again to modify it once I get more data and we have his US birth certificate. That is how we did it for big sister, whose age was off by at least 2 years, but apparently with the rise in adoptions from Ethiopia, there have been so many requests in the last 2 years to change birth dates that the juvenile judges are just not agreeing to it anymore.

This pic reminds me of the ones taken of us with important people in Rwanda and where has that same not so happy about all of this strange business look. I have a theory that this whole court thing must be incredibly confusing to kids who are old enough to know something is going on but not old enough to understand what it is. After all, he does not need a judge to tell him who is parents are!

My Wish

2010-10-10T21:58:00.001-06:00

I was talking with the kids today about the significance of today's date my eldest son decided that if you make a wish at 10pm on October 10th, 2010 that it will come true. So here is trying:

My wish is that our family stays healthy, happy and safe for as long as possible and that everything works out (soon) for us to make a huge difference in the life of one very special little girl who we are waiting to join us, and just maybe we will really luck out and be able to sell our house without losing money and find a deal on a new house that will be big enough for our growing family plus have room to spare for guests to stay. And if I could throw a few more things in there, I wish that we will find jobs closure to where we want to live without taking a paycut and on the side I wish that I will be able to find the direction that I have been seeking to continue my child-psych consultation work with orphanages in Haiti and Africa. And, I wish that MORE families are inspired to adopt, and to do this with the education and bravery that they will need because seriously there are to many kids waiting for their forever family, at every corner of the world. I also wish that birth parents who are able to care for their children do so rather then being manipulated into relinquishing their rights without knowing what they are getting into. And if I could also throw one more really important thing in there, please stop all mistreatment of children in this world. There are no excuses for why this cannot happen. Maybe I should also wish for the eyes and hearts of every adult in this world to be opened, opened to helping and loving those less fortunate than them, to start living for the greater good rather than themselves.

O.k, that is not so much to ask for now is it?

Harvest Festival

2010-10-03T22:35:00.004-06:00

We made our yearly visit to a local Harvest Festival held at Miller's Farm in Colorado today. We met up with some friends and had a fun and exhausting day. They have the typical corn maze, petting zoo, and straw bails to climb on but what makes Miller's farm unique is that you can pick your own vegetables. For $15 a person or $50 for a family of four (children 3 and under free) you get to enjoy all the activities plus a ride on the tractor pulled trailer to pick vegetables straight from the field (6, 10pound bags per person). When we first did this several years ago we were all about the experience, now we are also all about picking the best and max amount of vegetables possible to keep up with our growing family's appetite! Beats grocery store prices and the smiles on my kids' faces are priceless. As an added bonus, the owners of the farm are a adoptive family themselves. Check it out:

First pumpkin ever!

Were else can you slide down a giant pile off dirt in a laundry basket?

Asked me for the keys....

Nope mom did not climb to the top of the enormous straw pyramid.

In the petting zoo.

I really thought we would be lost forever this time in the maze.

Bumpiest barrel train ride ever but still fun.

Yes those are snakes they are holding!

My little man and his amazing gross motor skills.

Gee mom, these goats look like the ones in Ethiopia?

So proud of his cabbage on steroids.

So happy to help.

A very full van.

Did You Know?

2010-09-14T22:45:00.002-06:00

I was stumbling through channels tonight, and since we have banned cable in our house it does not leave many options. I came across a Globe Trekker special on PBS featuring Senegal and Morocco just as a man from Senegal told his story of attempting to flee the country by boat to France. They quoted that around 30,000 Africans attempt to cross to Europe each year with 1 out of 5 individuals dying in the process or disappearing. That is a estimated 6,000 deaths a year resulting from drowning in capsized boats or dying of dehydration in the desert. All in a attempt to get a good paying job so that they can turn around and send that money home to spouses, children, parents, grandparents... It turns out however that this issue does not get alot of major US media attention. There was a article on the online Global Post this January addressing the complexities of the tragedy, http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/morocco/100107/location-death-the-sahara?page=0,0 and you can see a picture essay here at Boston.com http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/01/african_immigration_to_europe.html. For some older stats you can check out this BBC News article from 2007 http://www.nonformality.org/2009/02/borders-of-europe/
It reminds me of the long and perilous journeys taken by our neighbors to the south only on a much larger scale. To put it into perspective, approximately 10 times more migrants die each year trying to cross from Africa to Europe but of course we can't really compare migration rates from one country to another to one entire continent to another. One human life is one to many, a future lost, a contribution to the world erased in desperation. It may be easy for people say well those are adults who made their choice and knew the risks. But what about the children? The ones taken along on the journey, the ones left behind and orphaned and the ones born in a new country where their parents are not legal citizens? What is to happen to them?

They Are Waiting.........

2010-09-08T13:50:00.003-06:00

Please go to this post at my friends blog and watch the video. It is from the Orphan Sunday website and it left me in tears. Then please come back to read what I have to say.

http://bryanandlauraadoption.blogspot.com/2010/09/it-made-me-cry.html

Are you back with me? O.k. so like me you might have been moved by the video or perhaps you thought jeez it is just a cartoon. The thing is, it really is not just a cartoon, it is real; very, very real. Yes, I am very aware that there are not many adoption programs where you go pick out your child at the orphanage but the kids don't necessarily know that. To them, they are not being chosen for some reason.

There are now a estimated 145 million orphans throughout the world, children who live on the street, children who are raising their little brothers and sisters, children who live in overcrowded orphanages, or if their fortunate enough, children who live in foster care. Proponents of international adoption claim that these numbers are false and inflated, but even if they are, even if the numbers of "true" orphans were 1/8 this amount. That would mean that there are 18 million orphans who don't have a family of their own. I strongly believe that being raised in a family unit is a human right, not a privilege for the chosen few who happen to be born to educated, healthy, and wealthy parents (I mean wealthy by world standards such as living under a roof and having food to eat). I have also read articles written to criticise international adoption claiming that children don't really grow up in orphanages. That orphanages are only temporary living situations for children. Really? Maybe that is the case in some countries were adoption is very popular but what about those other countries?

The reality that I witnessed in Rwanda was that children really do grow up in orphanages. And what about the kids in China and Russia who age out of their orphanage and can no longer be adopted? For these kids living in orphanages throughout the world, this video is very real. My most vivid memory from Rwanda was seeing the faces of the children at the orphanage on our last visit when our son said goodbye to his friends and caregivers. It was heartbreaking when we later learned from our POA that the older children were all asking her when she was going to bring them a mommy and daddy. This happens every day across the world, children are waiting for a family of their own and continue to see their friends leaving. This happened on a extreme level in Haiti when so many orphans were able to come home to their adoptive families in the US after the earthquake but the ones whose adoptions where not where they needed to be or the ones who had not been referred to a family yet, they stayed behind and watched their friends leave. These were not the faces that you saw being greeted at the airport on the news. These children are still waiting for a mommy and a daddy, waiting to no longer be a number and wondering why they have not been chosen.

Check out These Families........

2010-09-02T22:28:00.001-06:00

As you can see I am beginning to add in links for organizations and missionaries living in Haiti as well as families who have adopted or are adopting from Haiti. Most of the links so far I have stumbled on through Internet connections associated with the organization that supports the orphanage where we are adopting from. One of the adoptive families posted a link to this couple that is living in Haiti. I really encourage you to check them out at http://goatpath.wordpress.com/. Not only is his writing eye opening and smart but he has a great sense of humor as well (despite the conditions that they see all around them). Plus their story is amazing, as she was buried in the rubble of their home in Haiti when the earthquake happened and survived and is still there now working. Check out his amazing post about the 6 month anniversary of the earthquake http://goatpath.wordpress.com/2010/07/22/6-month-later-changes-or-the-lack-thereof/

Wow, makes me think back on what I was doing with my life at the young age of 23-25. At that time finishing my masters degree and getting a real job was my priority. I really wish now that I had instead did exactly what this and so many other young couples are doing. Packing up and making a real difference in the world. Well maybe someday. For now I have kids to raise and miracles to make, one at a time. But that really is not a excuse either is it, since families like this with 6 or more kids are living abroad! http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/ Now if only I could find a way to make those nasty doctoral degree school loans disappear and perhaps..........

Rwanda Adoption Suspension

2010-08-29T00:30:00.007-06:00

Yes it is true, Rwanda has signed the Hague Treaty and as a result they will not be accepting new dossiers after August 31st so that they can develop a new adoption system under the treaty. You can see their official statement at:
http://www.migeprof.gov.rw/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=183&Itemid=131

While the initial reaction for me was sadness, this is actually a good thing in that the ultimate goal of becoming a Hague compliant country is that there will be further protections for the children, protection from corruption, stealing and false information. How long it will take for this process to happen and when new adoption applications will be accepted is unknown. I have heard that there is a very large number of dossiers already at the Minister of Gender and Family Promotions office so I am hopeful that these will be processed and the children who we saw at my son's orphanage will soon have their own forever families. Also there may be a few more dossiers able to arrive before the deadline. In order for the dossier to be processed it has to first go through the Rwandan Embassy in DC where a letter of non-objection is issued. It is then sent onto Rwanda. So there are families right now who were so close who are scrambling and getting on airplanes to get those precious documents to DC in time for this to happen. Their lives and the lives of their future children depend on many pieces of paperwork being managed in the nick of time. As far as families who were not that close, from a quick scan of blogs and chat groups it sounds like some are looking into other options and some are thinking about waiting it out for Rwanda adoptions to reopen. I would hope that the adoption agencies would be willing to work with these families and let them transfer over the fees that they have already paid to a different adoption program if that is what the prospective adoptive parents decide to do. As far as waiting it out, it may be a very long wait as ratifying to the Hague Treaty is not a fast process.

First Hair Cut

2010-08-09T22:22:00.001-06:00

Leo's hair has grown really slow over the last 7 months but it finally was looking to long. I had put some twists in it before that looked cute but decided that since he was going back to school it was time for a 'big boy" hair cut. So in a effort to save $10 bucks at the hair salon I got out our razor and shaved it myself. It was super easy and he looks so cute. I actually think his face looks a little chubby compared to the referral pics we have of him when his hair was similarly short. I am trying to decide who he looks like?

Leo the Destroyer

2010-08-03T01:04:00.005-06:00

When my eldest son and first child was a toddler I told everyone that he was a ton of work and it felt like I was parenting 3 children in one. Well looking back on it, I really had no clue because our youngest little man is doing a really great job of resetting my perspective on toddler boy behavior. Yes my eldest boy has always been precocious, curious and noisy but thankfully his activity level is actually on the lower side, in other words he was and is perfectly content to play by himself with his Lego's or read a book.

Our little Leo on the other hand is a force to be reckoned with. He is ALWAYS on the go and playing with toys is of little interest to him. People often ask me what does he like doing and honestly his two most favorite things since coming home have consistently been exploring any household item that he can get his hands on or extreme physical activity, as in running, climbing and wrestling his way through the day. Now I am sure those of you who do not see him on a regular basis are probably thinking "Is she being overly dramatic? He is so sweet at my house." And this is true, he was a little angel on his first trip to the dentist, sat there with his mouth open and did everything they told him to do. I however am not looking forward to the next trip to the dentist because in my experience once the novelty of a new situation has worn off for him his curiosity then takes over. Really I do appreciate that he feels safe enough with us to be himself. I just wish that he was perhaps a little less fearless, and yes I know that can also be a "attachment or orphanage" behavior. I really do think that there are a variety of things going on with him, but after being home for over 6 months now I am pretty confident that it is just part of his personality that he is just a really active, smart and curious guy. One of those people who can learn by watching something and then figure it out with his own two hands.

Unfortunately at age 3 this is resulting in alot of damage to my house. Someone should maybe come up with toddler household insurance. I told my older kids that we should start a list of things that Leo has destroyed or broken and present it to him when he gets that really great paying job someday as a aeronautical engineer or something. The list at this point would include but not be limited to:

Broken toilet handle from playing with the toilet to much and taking it apart. The nice guy at Lowe's suggested buying a steel lever this time.
Broke brother's ear bud headphones by taking them apart, perhaps in a attempt to make them fit smaller ears
Spontaneously ran into the bedroom closet door breaking it off the hinges. Really I think he was experiencing a Karate Kid moment.
Just out of curiosity pulled on the venetian window blinds and busted one right out (Then rrepeated the above on the blinds downstairs just to be sure)
Sprayed aerosol suntan lotion on the back of the lazy-boy rocking chair permanently staining the material
Multiple broken sunglasses because they just do not bend the way that a 3 year old thinks they should
The drain plug for the bathroom sink is no longer hooked to the lever, not really sure how me managed to dismantle it? But it happened right after trying to flush a towel down the toilet!
Poured extra water into the Beta fish bowel allowing the fish enough leverage to jump out of his bowel to his death in the sink.
Gee, why can't you take apart a VHS tape without destroying it anyways?
No safety lock or door cover is safe in our house, every single one has been mastered by the youngest member of our household (after careful studying and observation on his part).
And last but not least, Dad did a great job of saving the carpet after Leo decided to be like mom and remove the cover from the hidden paint can and paint his big brother's wall and floor.

Now seriously, girls just do not do these things to the same degree as boys. I once read a survey of mothers, I think from Parenting magazine and the consensus was that toddler boys where the hardest to parent. I think I completely agree but I also really think that for many of these incidents our son was actually trying to help by doing things that he had seen others do. He is so very proud of himself when he is a big helper. So a very important lesson learned in our house is that we do not let Leo see us do anything that we do not want him to attempt to do. Such as watching me remove the cover from a paint can with a screw driver! Also never, ever leave keys laying around the house because he knows what they are for and will take them out to the car. This unfortunately for the time being means locking ourselves into the house with hotel like locks installed on the top of the doors. Perhaps the sooner I can get this little guy into sports the better.

PhotoBucket Floater Update

2010-07-26T10:53:00.004-06:00

So I posted about the annoying floater box on my blog and now it is gone. Mysterious?

Bloggy Floater?

2010-07-26T00:33:00.000-06:00

Can someone post a comment and tell me if you see a little box from Photo Bucket showing up in the middle of my blog and floating when you scroll down? It just showed up and I am not sure where it came from or how to make it go away. Really annoying.

Hike For Their Home

2010-07-25T01:07:00.008-06:00

From For His Glory Adoption Outreach:
"We are pleased to announce the 2nd Annual "Hike for Their Home." On July 18th, at 3:30 am, a team from Cheyenne Mountain Resort is dedicating themselves to hike the 14,000 ft Pike's Peak in Colorado Springs, Colorado all in the name of the children and families of Maison des Enfant des Dieu orphanage in Port-Au-Prince, Haiti. Last year the group hiked and helped with the rent of the facility. This year they are even more excited to help with the purchase of land and the building project for the orphanage."

I am late on this post as the event that I am talking about actually happened last Saturday, BUT anyone can donate to the cause at any time by going here: http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/hike_for_their_home.

It is all about raising money to build on the land that has been purchased in the countryside so that the Maison des Enfants de Dieu orphanage in Haiti can have a new home. But not just any home, a faith filled community where the children who cannot be adopted can be raised in a setting where they will receive love, education and life skills in safe building structures outside of the city center. To hear the details as written by the orphanage director himself go to Pierre's blog at http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/pierre_s_blog

Here are pictures that we took of the current orphanage facility which they rent, the first shows the building which houses the infants and toddlers and the second is the building that has school rooms on top for the older children and sleeping rooms on the bottom:

Here is a bridge being rebuilt in the street just outside the door of the orphanage, the previous bridge fell below during the earthquake. On the other side of the bridge is piled of accumulated garbage since the earthquake.

Now here is the land that has been purchased to build the new community. There is much work to be done but it is promising and hopeful that with the help of many it can happen.

Heavy Heart

2010-07-15T23:24:00.001-06:00

My heart is heavy. I have been stressed and really can't put my finger on why other then that my soul is uneasy. I wish I could do more, be more, have more so that I could give more. I look around and see those who clearly live their lives for themselves. I am not sure at what point it happened, but I am not one of those people. Some would say I probably need to seriously spend a little more time taking care of myself and maybe they are right. But how does one do that when you have seen some of the worst places to live in the world? There is a qoute that I used to have at the end of my email and it said this:

"You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand." Woodrow Wilson

Whether you like Woodrow Wilson or not, that is some insightful wisdom. Indeed I believe that we are each here on earth for a reason. Sometimes I get frustrated that others do not have the same passion for the orphans of the world that I do. I was frustrated today when my eldest son said they voted at his camp for which organization to hold a fundraiser for. He campaigned for the orphanage in Haiti but lost out to nearly everyone agreeing to instead raise money for a well-known non-profit in the US which I know for a fact receives a ton of money from corporate donors. It is not uncommon for people to comment to me that there are needs here in the US, my response is that children do not die of starvation or live their lives with curable disabling conditions in the US. But perhaps I need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and remind myself that we are each here for a reason and a purpose. I hope that whether it be through this blog, through my travels, or through my talks with others that I am able to open up the eyes of others to see the plight of orphans in the world. While in Haiti we were touched by a mission that is greater then ourselves and one that we are firmly committed to. I can't give out the details now but in time I believe that it will all work out and that miracles will happen before our very eyes.

Article: Haiti Still Waiting....

2010-06-29T01:31:00.002-06:00

The link to this article:

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-johnson-haiti-20100625,0,4494526.story

was posted by the wonderful women who coordinates missionary teams at the orphanage that we worked at, on her blog. It highlights everything I saw and heard while in Haiti. When I tell people what I saw they are often in disbelief because there has been so much media attention around all the money that has been donated to the Haiti relief effort. I am not going to hypothesize where that money is right now. The important thing is that the world understands that Haiti is in desperate need of recovery. Seriously, the children cannot wait. Living in a overcrowded tent camp during the rainy season, when Malaria is rampant, is no place for a child. Then add to the likely quick spread of disease give the living conditions and I fear for the youngest and most vulnerable. Haiti already has a very high infant death rate and the numbers could get very grim in the current situation.

+ The pictures posted here, I took of the tent camps by our hotel and around the city of Port au Prince.

Saying Goodbye

2010-06-23T22:52:00.006-06:00

(Boy in the country following our Tap Tap)

We arrived home safely to Colorado late last night after a long day of flights and airport layovers. Saying goodbye to the staff and children at the orphanage Monday was very difficult to say the least. It would be one thing if all I did was provide physical care while there, but I spent many hours hearing very personal stories from the nannies and spending time exploring deep emotions with the children. In that type of setting and under the circumstances relationships formed very quickly. When I said my goodbyes to the group of nannies who I worked the most extensively with, they prayed for me and my family and I said what little I could to try and solidify the skills that I had taught them. However when I said goodbye to the older group of girls that I worked with, one of them in particular started crying, a lot. She is not just any child, she is a miracle, a survivor and victim to a disability which could easily be corrected in the US. Both my husband and I were very moved by her strength, resilience and intelligence. Her crying completely took me off guard. Now it is never my goal in child therapy for my clients to become so attached to me that they cry when parting. In a orphanage this is a unfortunate consequence of the circumstances. I had to ask one of the male volunteers at the orphanage to hang out with the girls so that I could bolt before I myself broke down in tears in front of them. It was defiantly a somber night, a long day home, and I did not sleep well last night. My dreams were filled with the visions of the older children and nannies at the orphanage, as if they were calling to me, that there is still unfinished business and work to be done. For sure there is.

(Elaborately painted old school buses and covered trucks called Tap Taps are everywhere)

For now I need to come to terms with returning to a reality that no longer seems so real to me. This happens every time I come back from a poor country, when I returned from Ethiopia and Rwanda the things I saw haunted me. I look at my children and the things they have and the safe, warm beds that they sleep in and I imagine all the children who I have seen at orphanages and I had to leave them behind. Of course there is no other way, you cannot possibly adopt all of them and for this trip I knew what I was going there to do and I did the job the best that I could. Still it is a hard thing to reckon with and each trip that I take changes me, changes the way I see the world, the way I live and spend money and the way I want to raise my children. It changes the very center of my being.

(Sunset over houses in the hills as viewed from our hotel room)

Serving

2010-06-21T07:52:00.005-06:00

We have been so busy working the last three days and I am so tired when we get back to the hotel at night that I have not had the energy when I sit down to put my thoughts into order. If you know where to look and are not afraid to jump in there is always something to be done here. There are babies who need cuddling, toddlers who need soothing, older children who need entertaining, special needs children who need physical therapy, and nannies who just simply need a break. And there is always work to be done with the building and grounds.

Survivors

2010-06-18T07:37:00.004-06:00

The last two days of work at the orphanage have been extremely busy. I conducted counseling sessions with adults and children via an interpreter and when he had to leave I did what I could with non-verbal play therapy with the children. The women and girls who I have met are survivors in the strongest sense. These are the women and children who you do not see on the news. The faces and stories behind the chaos. They have survived being buried by rubble for days, losing everything they own, and the collapse of their city before their eyes. They are facing life head on despite grieving the deaths of their parents, siblings, spouses, children, and friends. In Haiti it is not considered culturally appropriate to talk about your feelings, especially to a stranger who is younger then you. And even if they did, there really is not anyone to talk to because everyone is grieving. It is also not easy for me to do counseling via an interpreter but we clicked in working together right away and despite his own cultural beliefs he seemed to easily “get it”. So truly what I am a part of here is a miracle. I have the privilege of sitting down with women who are willing to tell their story to a young white stranger. They told me that they felt that God was at work in their time with me and one said that she felt like she was being “mothered”. The interpreter seemed shocked that she would say this. I think she was describing to me that she was feeling for the first time like someone else really cared about caring for her. Most of these woman are the only one's working in their large families and they never get the chance to take care of themselves, let alone be taken care of.

I am definitely feeling the extreme responsibility that I take on when I sit down with each individual. When I arrived this morning there were women lined up to see me. We conducted sessions back to back, some with women coping fairly well, others very depressed. After being told that I am a Doctor, a few have come to me wanting medicine but my interpreter has been doing an excellent job of explaining what it is that a psychologist does. They still choose to speak and it does not take long for them to talk about the fear, anxiety, and depression underneath the surface. I remembered that in the US, a large proportion of medical office visits for pain are actually due to mental illness. I think it is the same here, that reporting physical pain to others is an easy excuse to request “my psychology time” (as the nannies are passionately telling my interpreter). The symptoms reported are amazingly similar. Most every adult describes the experience of headaches, rapid heartbeat, physical weakness, memory problems, reoccurring memories from the earthquake, sleep problems, fear and grief. Some of the children still can’t talk about it and cry uncontrollably when the subject comes up at the orphanage. Today when I met with a group of 7 girls ages 5-9 and I asked them to draw a picture of what makes them sad they eventually all drew pictures of houses. Something that should be a source of comfort and security to a child has become the deliverer of death in this country. In the grand scheme of things, what I am doing here feels so simple but so profound.

The Reality

2010-06-17T06:48:00.006-06:00

Here begins my Haiti travel log. I need to put this in writing. Not only so that I never forget, which of course I never will, but also to help me cope. I also feel that I need to spread this message. The world has seen the pictures of Haiti and has responded but there is still an enormous amount of work to be done. Tonight there was a news station from New York filming right outside our hotel door, no kidding. They are here because Clinton is in Haiti as well as some big group to train the Haitians in disaster response. I have mixed feelings about that when basic needs are still not being met and things are ending up in the wrong hands. After arriving to our hotel yesterday we promptly left our bags in our room and loaded back into the car for a tour of downtown Port au Prince and the adjacent slum area. I really can’t properly put into words the devastation that is here. We have visited (what used to be) the poorest country in the world and honestly the state of this city looks worse. There is garbage piled up everywhere on the sides of the street and in the drainage ditches. The poorer area of town was not as impacted by the earthquake as the housing structures are primarily made out of tin and wood but the disorganization, crime and poverty is extreme. Prostitution is common here and this is the part of town where most of the children at the orphanage come from.

Within the city center the buildings are either completely crumbled, partially standing or some intact but leaning to the side. People are still working and mingling among these structures. There are no fenced off areas to keep people away from unstable structures and no construction equipment. There are growing piles of rubble on the sides of the street often blocking one lane. Haitians were told to pile their rubble along the street and that crews would come pick it up. It is an excruciatingly slow process and happening by hand. The scene in downtown Port au Prince looks like something from a movie, it is truly unbelievable. Among the rubble there are people everywhere. They are selling their goods on the side of the road, pushing and pulling carts by hand, women carrying huge loads on their heads, and children playing. What fragile infrastructure that was in place in Port au Prince prior to the earthquake has been torn apart after. Many of the government and school buildings including the college were destroyed. This also means that many of the leaders, educated professionals, and university students were killed in the earthquake.

Of course most obvious also are the huge tent villages all over the city. We are on the second floor at our hotel and from our balcony we can see a hillside of destroyed homes and an adjacent large tent city. The noise and music from the tent city goes on all night. There are children and entire families living in these makeshift homes. I really can’t imagine how anyone gets any sleep. And now there is the rain, both days it has started in the afternoon and rains pretty heavily for a short time. I can’t imagine how these little tents sitting so close together on the dirt are going to withstand the rainy season. I worry about the most vulnerable people; the children, the elderly, the disabled, how will they survive the conditions and the disease that may result? Maybe moving large groups of people out of the city is the solution, but then the adults need a place to work, the children need a place to go to school, and there needs to be accessible medical care and transportation. It is going to take a lot of work, a lot of planning, a lot of resources and some intervention from above to get this country repaired.

* All pictures copyrighted (2010)

We Are Here

2010-06-16T06:33:00.002-06:00

We arrived to Port au Prince on time yesterday afternoon. All is well but we are already busy this morning getting ready to go work with the children. I will try to update and post pictures this evening as I would definately like to maintain a travel log for everyone who has supported us.

On Our Way!

2010-06-15T09:40:00.002-06:00

I am pleased to say that after several attempts at packing the 100 pounds worth of donations over the weekend I finally got all the essentials crammed into the bags and within the weight limit! We survived a midnight flight from Denver, CO to Charlotte, NC where we connected to Fort Lauderdale, FL. We flew a US Airways for the first time and was not totally impressed but at least we got where we needed to be safely and on time. We now have a 4 hour layover and then we will have a short 2 hour flight on American Airlines, arriving in Port au Prince at 3pm. We will be met at the airport by the very nice young missionary (Check out her wonderful blog at http://www.mission82.blogspot.com/) who is working at the orphanage this summer and then after going to the hotel we may take a drive through downtown Haiti to get a sense of where the children are coming from. No worries about safety as we will have a driver and translators with us throughout our stay.

We want to thank everyone who ordered a T-shirt for our "Haiti in Our Hearts" fundraiser and especially a huge Thank You to all the very generous family and friends who opened their hearts for the orphans of Haiti and did not even want a shirt! We are hoping that the internet will be up and running at our hotel to stay posted for updates as we are able.

Hurry, Blitz Ends in One Week!

2010-06-07T20:33:00.003-06:00

Hurry before you miss out on ordering your awesome "Haiti In Our Hearts" Simply Love T-Shirt! The online sale ends in one week at which time we will be bording a plane with supplies to head to Haiti at 12:30am on Tuesday June 15th. 100% of the proceeds will go towards the mission trip including the purchase of supplies for the orphanage and baggage fees to get those supplies on the plane. I will be voluntering all of my time in Haiti providing professional mental health services and consultation to the orphans and staff while my husband will be doing much needed construction work and education with the children. Thank you so much to everyone who has supported this effort so far! You truly are making a difference in the life of a child directly impacted by the earthquake. Together we can bring hope to the orphans of Haiti!

GIVEAWAY !!!!!!!!!

2010-06-05T14:38:00.001-06:00

Giveaway of this book which is HOT off the press!

PLUS One T-Shirt of your choice!

to the winner of a random drawing at the end of the sale. EVERYONE who orders a shirt online from the start of the sale to the end on the 14th will be entered into the drawing.

We are purchasing supplies to bring to the orphanage and will be charged to check these bags onto our domestic flights so we need more help!

Book Description:

Transracial adoption has been a hot topic in the media for years, but the real evidence of successful adoptions is found in the everyday lives of adoptive kids and parents. The need for good parenting, unconditional love, and the joy of belonging to a family are universal. And now you can celebrate that joy with these inspiring stories from real transracial families. Shannon Guymon knows from personal experience the difficulties that adoptive parents face, but she also knows how rewarding building your own unique family can be. Join in the laughter, the tears, and all the hugs and kisses that come with belonging to a forever family, no matter what that family looks like.

Author: Shannon Guymon
Paperback: 112 pages
Publisher: Cedar Fort Inc (April 8, 2010)
Language: English

Haiti in Our Hearts T-Shirt Blitz!!!!!!!

2010-05-31T13:46:00.005-06:00

O.k. our "Hearts are in Haiti" fundraiser blitz is active. The shirts are great quality, attractive and comfortable. 100% of the proceeds will support my medical mission trip to Haiti where I will be volunteering my professional services to provide much needed mental health care. More specifically I will be conducting mental health counseling and consultation to the staff at Maison des Enfants de Dieu orphanage and I will be implementing group play and art therapy with the children (there are approximately 125-130 children living at the orphanage). I may also complete developmental evaluations with the children as needed. To read more about why this is such a great need right now please see my previous post titled "Answering to the Call".

Now about the shirts, they come in two styles, one for women and one for men. In the women's style there are two sizing options available. I am offering the espresso color in the women's slim cut and the black color in a unisex cut. The slim cut runs long and lean so you may want to purchase one size larger then you would typically wear in a looser fitting shirt. The men's shirt is a unisex size and comes in army green. On the front of all the shirts is a picture of Haiti with the verse Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) wrapped around the country. The back of the women's shirt says "Love will always find a way" and the back of the men's shirt says "Man up, protect and love the fatherless".

Here is the black unisex fit, front and back:

*The back and front design is the same on the women's espresso colored slim fit shirt

And here are the awesome men's shirts, front and back. The color is army green (not as shown):

So there they are! Get them while they are hot! I will run the sale starting today and ending at 11:59 pm on Monday June 14th which is when we will be at the Denver airport getting ready to board a plane to Haiti!You can purchase directly on my blog using the Pay pal buttons on the side or if you live in our area of Colorado just drop me a line and we can make arrangements for payment and pick-up.

PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD FOR US! My goal is to sell 100 shirts or more.

Answering to the Call

2010-05-30T23:59:00.004-06:00

Imagine that you are a young child living in the poorest country in the western hemisphere. You live in a crowded shack and most nights your stomach aches with hunger. The only comfort you know is the loving and warm touch of your mother. Then just like that you wake up in the middle of the night and you are in a strange place, your mother is no where to be found. You are taken to a unfamiliar compound filled with noise and movement. There are many children there and few adults who seem to do their best to take care of you. You get food and a roof over your head, you start to feel safe but nothing will fill up the empty void left by the loss of your family. Then one day something happens and your world is shaken, literally to it's core. The other children scream and cry, the nannies do their best to move all of you, but it all happens so fast. The roof of the building shakes and cracks, a wall collapses and the very earth that you stand on moves beneath your feet. When it is all done everything looks different and the adults are afraid. You wonder who will take care of you now? For many, many days there is little water and food. Some children are hurt, and some of the nannies are not with you anymore. You wonder what happened to the family that you used to know. You don't believe there is any hope any more. You are scared. And then the earth shakes again and the adults are even more scared. They do not want to go into the building where your things are, the building that is supposed to protect you. Things eventually start to settle down but inside of you, nothing is settled. You are afraid and anxious and don't know who to trust to take care of you. The hope that had started to rekindle before the earth shook is now gone. So far gone that you don't even cry anymore because there are so many others crying that you know the adults will not respond to you. The numbness sets in and you are now invisible.

This is how I imagine the orphans of Haiti. It is not a true story, I based it on my own experience of visiting orphanages in Africa and reading first hand accounts of the earthquake in Haiti. As a mental health professional I know the risks that the people of Haiti face. The children are particularly at risk because so many of them were in vulnerable situations before the earthquake occurred. What we do know from research is that not everyone reacts the same way to trauma. The more that a person is exposed to stress and traumatic events then the more likely they are to present with more severe symptoms and longer term mental health problems when faced with a traumatic event. Most troubling for people are the forms of trauma that are out of our control and inescapable. Some individuals will however, not only servive following a trauma but thrive. This is where resiliency comes into play and why it is such a important topic in psychology. If we know what makes people resilient then we should be able to foster resiliency. We do know that children are more resilient after a trauma when they had a stable, safe and predictable life before the trauma. Unfortunately, for the children and orphans of Haiti the odds are stacked up against them. There is hope however, if they are able to receive consistent and responsive care after the trauma from familiar adults then they are better likely to recover. Also if they are able to learn strategies to help themselves cope with stress and emotions they will regain a internal sense of control even if the external environment is still something that they cannot control. But for the children to receive predictable care then the adults need to care for themselves as well and that is usually where things get complicated. Clearly, many are struggling in the aftermath of the quake http://www.uscatholic.org/news/2010/05/mental-health-needs-quake-survivors-pose-risks-haitis-recovery

This is why I have been asked to come to Haiti. Asked to spend a short time doing what I can to help the adults and children at a orphanage assisted by For His Glory Adoption Outreach http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/. I closely followed their updates after the earthquake and now I can't say no. Yes, it seems crazy that in the middle of my husband loosing his job and then getting a new job that will require us to either move or live separately, that we should now at this time spend money that we do not have to travel to a country in turmoil. Odds are that our home is not going to sell anytime soon or for any amount that it is worth. Someone kindly suggested to me at the end of the school year that I should go on a nice vacation this summer. Instead I am choosing to volunteer my professional services for one full week and my husband has agreed to do the same. Why? Because the need is great and we have knowledge and resource to give. So we are both taking a leap of faith and going to Haiti on June 14th. This is where you step in, we need your help. Honestly, we desperately need you help to at least partially fund our expenses to get there. Airfare from Colorado to Haiti is surprisingly expensive and so is the cost of lodging due to a shortage of safe places to stay.

Please stay tuned, tomorrow I will reveille a fundraiser to raise money for our Haiti mission trip. Thanks to the help of a amazing fellow adoptive mom, we will be selling beautiful custom designed t-shirts. 100% of the profits will fund our services and supplies for the orphanage in Haiti. Not only will you get a really cute or handsome shirt but you will also be a part of this once in a lifetime opportunity to make a difference for children directly affected by the earthquake in Haiti.

The Most Dangerous Place to Be Born

2010-05-25T12:26:00.006-06:00

Every once in awhile I check out the CIA World Fact Book to get a glimpse of how well or not well things are going in our world. The World Fact Book reveled to me that the current most dangerous place for a baby to be born is Angola. Angola is a country that I know very little about and certainly one that does not make US news. But the statistics don't lie, they currently have the highest infant mortality rate, with 178 out of 1,000 infants dying before they reach age one (https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2091rank.html). They also have the highest overall death rate in the world (https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2066rank.html) and the lowest life expectancy at age 38.48 years (https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2102rank.html).

These statistics would certainly indicate that Angola is a very dangerous place to be born and they are most likely experiencing a orphan crisis. So where is all the attention? Most everyone has heard about the orphans of Ethiopia, the genocide in Rwanda, the civil war in the DRC so why don't we hear about Angola. There also seems to be a lack of humanitarian presence there. Neither World Vision or Compassion International, two of the largest child sponsorship organizations in the world have projects in Angola and neither does Heifer International. There may be a reason why that I don't know about, but I am posting this to do my part in spreading the word. I stumbled on a blog written by a family living in Angola. Their post here http://angolarising.blogspot.com/2010/01/angolas-orphans.html does a much better job then I can of explaining the orphan situation in Angola as well as how to help. You can also check out SOS Children's Villages' work in Angola at http://www.soschildrensvillages.org.uk/sponsor-a-child/africa/angola

Thank Goodness It's Over

2010-05-21T22:30:00.003-06:00

Kindergarten that is. Yes, I am overjoyed that my daughter made it through kindergarten because honestly it was not a easy year. Strangely I remember my oldest son having a really hard time in kindergarten to. Looking back at it, he just was not ready for the whole sit down, be quite, look at the teacher and learn how to read thing. And he was only in 1/2 day kindergarten and 1/2 day childcare. You know it is the environment when the two different teachers from each setting gave VERY different views of his behavior. I am grateful that in the first grade he had a very experienced older male teacher who showed him that school can be fun after all. His classroom was filled with plants, a bird, and at one point every child had a jar with a baby guppy and a cup with a baby spider plant on each of their desks. Three years later and he still has the same spider plant, now a big grown up plant hanging in his room. Thanks to that teacher my son did after all learn how to read and at the end of this year he is reading at a level at least two grade levels ahead. So now we are faced with new challenge of how to keep him interested in school for a whole new set of reasons. You see one of the fall backs of education reform is a emphasis on the utilization of evidenced based teaching practices. As a school psychologist I am all for this but in to many districts this has turned into a "cookie cutter" approach to teaching where teachers are forced to teach a set curriculum and it is nearly impossible to differentiate instruction in the classroom. This all leads back to my daughter's experience with kindergarten this year. Yes, the same "cookie cutter" approach is being applied to kindergarten.and did you know that one of the education standards is that a kindergartner should be able to write three complete and legible sentences independently at the end of the year! She attended a full day kindergarten program which was great for her academic growth but it definitely took a toll on her social and emotional growth. You see in our unnamed school district they think it is appropriate for kindergartners to have one 20 minute recess following their 20 minute lunch for the entire day. They also have a 2 hour literacy block and no surprise that the occurrence of poor attention and over activity during literacy instruction in kindergarten is not uncommon. And of course since they have little time to actually have conversations with their peers extroverted kidos like mine get into trouble for talking during instruction. So the teachers use the very popular red, yellow, green system to alert students when their behavior is inappropriate. One warning and they move a clothespin that has their name on it to the yellow part of the chart, multiple warnings and their little identity is moved to red. There are supposed to be consequences linked to each move. Our daughter's teacher thought it was a good idea to notify parents of their student's behavior by writing the color that they ended their day in marker on their hand. A few months into school and this seemed to be the only thing our daughter cared about the first thing we saw her. I mean give the kid a break not only is she already being judged by the color of her skin (even though no one would admit it of course) but now she is being labeled every day with marker for every one to see. And I thought the Scarlett Letter was just a book? Seriously, I know a little bit about the research behind POSITIVE behavior support and developmentally appropriate education. But apparently in certain school districts no one cares what the real experts in child development have to say about how we are treating our youngest and most vulnerable children. Yes, we did intervene, after a not so easy conversation with our daughter's teacher she no longer got marker put in her hand. Interestingly, about the same time, the teacher also stopped returning my phone calls. Hmm, I wonder why? So as you can no see I am VERY happy that kindergarten is over and I am praying that she will luck out and have a amazing first grade teacher. A teacher who will not judge her for her looks or history but see that she is truly brilliant (also already reading past her level) and will feed her confidence not destroy her self-concept.

The Hardest Part

2010-05-05T23:10:00.003-06:00

I should add to my previous post that the hardest part of this whole moving thing is that our plans to adopt again are now on hold. The honest fact is that adoption is expensive and so is buying a house and we can't afford both at the same time. If you have been following my blog for awhile you know that we had intended to adopt two children from Rwanda, a toddler and a infant. Due to various reasons, mostly that we had made the mistake of wording our request for one or two related children we were matched with only one child. I am glad it worked out this way because our son is completely amazing. I can't imagine my life now without him. My heart also aches for the little faces that we saw at the orphanage, the ones that we left behind. We have not actually decided which country we will adopt from next time. We have been looking into the DRC and Lesotho and I have continued following adoptions in Rwanda. At least for Rwanda it appears that so many US agencies are advertising themselves as facilitating adoptions there (despite Rwanda not permitting any adoption agency staff to work in their country) that the number of prospective adoptive families have exploded. My guess is that the Ministry of Gender and Family Services is a bit overwhelmed by the stacks of files, at least I would be. I pray that this does not slow down the process, that the children who we saw will all find their forever families. As far as our family, I know we are not yet complete, I can feel it. In the meantime we will continue to assist in our childrens' birth countries the best that we can. I am also doing alot of thinking about how I could use my professional and personal experiences to improve the quality of living for orphans throughout the world. Perhaps some form of a consultation service for orphanages addressing the developmental and mental health needs of the children living there?

Change

2010-05-04T23:19:00.003-06:00

I don't particularly enjoy change, I am a creature of habit. I do however understand that change is a part of life. Actually, maybe it is not necessarily change that I do not like, but the kind of change that is out of my control. I love change that involves the expansion of our family as well as our horizons. I had no fears about adopting either of our children or traveling on a plane for 18 hours to the other end of the world to visit unfamiliar countries with bags full of donations. So why is it that the idea of moving my family 2 hours away gives me extreme anxiety? Oh, yeah this is all coming about because of good news. My husband was offered a new teaching position at a "well to do" charter school in a Denver area suburb. Problem is that the school is not within a commuting distance, well not unless we want him to spend 4 hours a day driving. The thing is, it really is about time that we move. We have grown beyond a comfortable size for our home and I am eager to be closer to more cultural activities for my kids. The problem with all of this is that the economy in CO still sucks. If we are lucky we will sell our house by the end of the summer and break even. Of course the flip side of this is that it is a buyers market so truly I should be excited about the fact that we may be able to walk into a very large home in a nice neighborhood for a reasonable price. The blessing is that we both have the summer of to enjoy it with our kids and take care of all this. I also have come across a oppurtunity to do a short mission trip to Haiti to assist children and staff at a orphanage with trauma. I really want to go but have not comitted as there are so many unknowns for my family right now. it is times like this that I have to remind myself to sit back, take a deep breath and remember that God does really have a plan for me. When I was going through the last miscarriage a kind fellow adoptive mom commented that God must have big plans for me, to trust me with so much heartache. Perhaps she is right, I just wish it was not so hard and that I knew the outcome.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-28T13:28:00.004-06:00

Well I guess it is about time that I share some new pics. As you can see our youngest little man is a busy guy. He is funny, happy, and always up to something. Don't worry, I put a safety lock on the dryer right after his new found fascination with crawling into the dryer everytime we went into the laundry room. Leo was actually the first to put the spoon on his nose at which time his older siblings had to compete of course. And yes, those are "Baby Legs" or more appropriately "Toddler Legwarmers" which I think are adorable but my husband thinks are ridiculous.

Growing in My Heart

2010-04-14T13:51:00.004-06:00

Of all the things in my life that I have accomplished; work, a PhD, monetary assets, travel; my children are my proudest accomplishment. To add to this, I feel no different for my eldest birth son as I do for my two adopted children. This is often hard for people to understand. I will receive comments from others, like "It is so hard with my own child I don't know how you do it." I know they don't mean what they are saying so I don't take it personally. Yes, international adoption is not easy. The paperwork is hard, and it can be expensive and of course children who have been malnourished, neglected, and/or traumatized will have some level of need. But the stories that make the media, those of extreme cases of Reactive Attachment Disorder just are not representative of our personal experience. The behaviors that my adopted children have displayed are completely logical knowing what they experienced. Of course an abandoned child will be afraid to sleep alone, of course a previously malnourished child will scream their head of if somone touches his or her food, of course a child who has lived in a orphanage and had no control over his or her life will try to control everything that he can now that he has the chance. I expected these things and in most cases the behaviors have been less extreme then what I was prepared for.

What I see most often, about 98% of the time are happy, resilient children who are so grateful to experience a second chance at life. Seriously, my two youngest kids are thrilled by the simplest of things, thrilled simply to have a loving adult give them attention and love. And the transformation that I have seen in them is short of a miracle. My daughter who has been home for two years now has metamorphed from a tiny 24 pound child who looked like a 2 year old and spoke no English, to a average sized 6 year old who is attending full-day kindergarten and reading and writing and speaking fluent English. My youngest son who has only been with us for 4 months has gone from a quite and moody little guy to a talkative (even if it is jibberish), charismatic, energetic, and easygoing toddler. Despite what the news likes to show, any expert in the field of pediatrics will tell you that the vast majority of internationally adopted children thrive in their adoptive homes. So many people tell me how lucky my children are, how we saved them. Saved them from starvation, from illness, from a life on the streets or in a orphanage. Certainly we have given them a forever family and all that comes with that, love, attention, a home, nutrition, and education. But the truth is that I am the one who has benefited. My children and the process of adopting them and visiting their beautiful birth countries changed me. Changed me for the better, maybe even saved me. Through them I have learned to be more compassionate, more patient, more motivated to make the world a better place and not to take anything for granted. I truly cannot imagine my life without them.

The people who say that nothing good comes out of international adoption, well I feel sorry for them. Sorry that they do not see what I see. Sorry that they cannot step out of their little worlds to meet our children, to truly educate themselves about the complicated issues that they are so quick to make judgements on, to learn about the countries where my children come from, to experience the transformations that I have witnessed. It is their loss.

Blog about your positive adoption experience on April 15th!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-13T09:13:00.002-06:00

And so it has happened again that a negative side of adoption has taken the limelight of the media. I was really sad to see one comment in particular in response to the story on CNN in which a person stated that this was just another example of how nothing good comes out of adoption. My initial reaction was extreme anger in the form of: "Are you kidding me, does this particular person really live in a shell and only believes what they see on the media!", "Do they really think that children are better off living their lives in a orphanage?", "Do they really believe that every internationally adopted child is a irreversable psychological mess?" And then it ocurred to me that I am part of a very special community, a community of families with adopted children who are THRIVING. And of course the average American does not see this, so we NEED to tell them!

The Joint Council on International Children's Services has in response started a campaign called "We are the Truth". They are asking several things from families. This is relevant to ALL internationally adoptive families. So first and foremost JCICS is asking people to sign a petition requesting that adoptions from Russia to the USA not be banned. Secondly, they are calling for April 15th to be adoption blogger day. Blog or post on Facebook your own positive adoption story or the story of somone else who you know. We can make a difference by spreading the word and making this message strong and clear! There are other requests that JCICS has specific to families who have adopted from Russia. For more info go to:

http://www.jcics.org/Russia.htm

NCFA's Response to Adopted Russia Boy Being Abandoned by USA Mom

2010-04-11T22:36:00.002-06:00

Reposted from NCFA: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

April 9, 2010

MEDIA ADVISORY

NCFA Reacts to News of Adopted Child Returned to Russia:

Adoption Advocates Condemn the Act but Pledge Support to Intercountry Adoption

Today, Russian news sources are reporting that a seven-year old boy, adopted in 2009 by an American adoptive parent from Tennessee, was placed unaccompanied on an airplane bound for Moscow. Reportedly, the child bore a note stating that he was being returned and the adoption voided. The child's abandonment in Russia has been internationally criticized and now threatens the future of intercountry adoption between Russia and the United States. Senior Russian officials, including Minster of Foreign Affairs, Sergey V. Lavrov, are calling for a suspension of adoptions to the United States pending the implementation of reform measures to prevent such acts.

The National Council For Adoption has confirmed that local law enforcement officials in Tennessee are investigating and charges against Nancy Hansen, the adoptive mother, are being considered.

"Child abandonment of any kind is reprehensible," says Chuck Johnson, acting CEO of the National Council For Adoption. "The actions of this mother are especially troubling because an already vulnerable, innocent child has been further victimized."

Reacting to Russian officials' demands for a moratorium on intercountry adoptions, Johnson continues, "This news sends a false picture of intercountry adoption that now jeopardizes the lives of other children. If the reports are true, Ms. Hanson made a terrible, inexplicable decision. Fortunately, this single act does not represent intercountry adoption as a whole, or the commitment that American parents make to their children. Clearly, justice must be served, but a moratorium on adoptions would only hurt more children."

Although more than 60,000 Russian orphans have received loving families through adoption in the United States, this event follows other tragic outcomes of children adopted from Russia. While the majority of internationally adopted orphans end up doing very well, adopting formerly institutionalized children is not without its challenges. Many of these children suffer physical and emotional challenges as a result of the shortcomings often found with institutional care.

NCFA restates its firm position that all prospective adoptive families must be thoroughly screened and prepared for the realities of parenting a post-institutionalized child. According to Johnson, "Due to the efforts of American and Russian governments, as well as the professionals in the adoption communities of both countries, the process of preparing prospective adoptive families pursuing international adoption and supporting those families after the adoption has improved significantly in the past decade. However, when something like this happens, it makes professionals re-examine further what they can do to prevent such actions. We pledge to work with the Russian adoption community to enhance protections for children and support services to the families that adopt them."

U.S. Department of State officials are in talks with Russia to avert a full shutdown of adoptions.
Johnson concludes, "Isolated instances like this are horrible, but in no way should prevent thousands of children from having families through intercountry adoption

Support for Breastfeeding Moms

2010-04-09T13:02:00.002-06:00

While there may not be some things that you like in the new Health Care Bill I try to look for the positive and there are many. I am relieved to know that my nephew who has hemophilia will not be denied medical coverage when he caps out on his current coverage. Under the new bill insurance companies have to eliminate lifetime caps on coverage. They also will eliminate pre-existing conditions, meaning that both my husband and I who have had minor medical diagnosis cannot be denied medical coverage if we ever have to obtain private insurance. I was told that a private insurance company can deny me for having a prior C-section and multiple miscarriages. And did you know that a private insurance company will not cover a woman if she is already pregnant? Thus if she makes to much for Medicaid and her employer does not offer health insurance or she is unemployed then well she and her baby are just out of luck. That to will change under the Healthcare Bill. Yes, there are folks who say I don't want to have to pay for the uninsured but you are already paying. For example, where we live our hospital is the most expensive in the region. Not because it is the most state of the art, but because we have the highest number of uninsured people who show up at the emergency room so that they cannot be denied care. That means that I pay with higher charges at the hospital and higher insurance premiums. There is also clear research in the field of medical and social psychology that wether you like it or not we are all connected. When they look at health among countries and societies, inculding the US, the rich are no more healthy then the poor. SO if we do not support the least of us, we are not supporting ourselves either. This is why Canada and a surprising number of small countries have higher average life expectencies (48 countries rank higher then the US) and infant mortality rates (44 countries rank better then the US in infant survival) then we do. Look for yourself at https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2102rank.html'
and https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2091rank.html

O.k., I bet you did not think I was going to take on this controversial issue when you read the title of my message! Honestly, I agree that the plan is not perfect but we need to do something and now is the time. So back to the title. I was not only pleased that the Adoption Tax Credit was included in the Healthcare Bill but so was support for breast feeding moms. The Bill specifically states that employers larger then 50 must provide a safe place for mom's to breastpump that is not a bathroom. Yeah! I remember how awkward it was when I went back to work and tried to pump for my son. I gave up after only a few weeks. If I ever have another biological child or adopt a young enough infant I would definately try breastfeeding again. For a good article on the topic check out CNN health at http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/04/09/breast.feeding.society/index.html?hpt=C2

March Madness for Rwanda

2010-03-28T14:45:00.003-06:00

Here is a notice that I received from Heifer International:

Dear Kari,

1 = 3, Our math isn’t wrong. Gifts to Rwanda will be tripled to restore communities to peace and prosperity.

This project initiated by the Rwandan government is aimed at lifting over 6,000 families out of poverty with the gift of sheep, dairy cows, and pigs. Each family will receive extensive training on sustainable agricultural methods that also help preserve the fragile Rwandan environment.
When you give… One cow becomes three, Three goats become nine, Hope multiplies
And remember, as with any Heifer gift the impact won’t merely be tripled. As one family passes on the gift of livestock and training to another, your gift will grow exponentially until a whole community is lifted out of poverty. Join the matchness. Make your Heifer gift today! Thank you for your compassion and support,
Ashley Michael
Heifer InternationalHeifer Internatioanl

Any donation of $10 and above will be matched to assist families in Rwanda with the Kirehe Community-Based Watershed Management Project – a special initiative that will empower families in Rwanda. Each family will be given livestock and extensive training in animal husbandry and sustainable farming techniques that will help restore the fragile Rwandan environment. To learn more or make your donation go to:

http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.5871027/?msource=EB3C100002&tr=y&auid=6127201

Dark Times

2010-03-19T16:33:00.002-06:00

As you can see I have not posted in awhile now. I have been debating on wether to talk about these things or not but I think I need to. I need to talk about it to remind myself that I am not alone and to remind others in similar circumstances that they are not alone. There are several things that we are dealing with in our family right now. The first shock came several weeks ago when my husband was informed that his Science teaching position would no longer exist next year. He was one of 17 teachers to loose his job at the high school that he works at in a Denver Metro school district. But that is just the start, school districts across CO are laying off hundreds of teachers each, due to drastic budget cuts that the state put in place. What this is going to mean for our school systems I don't know yet. For sure there are going to be larger class sizes and fewer resources to go around a already stressed system. So if the stress of your spouse loosing his job is not enough I also learned that I would be experiencing my 6th miscarriage.

Miscarriage. It is a word that still does not roll easily off of my tongue and not something that I openly talk about very often. My first pregnancy was a early miscarriage, we lost the baby at around 8 weeks for no apparant reason. I was shocked and all the doctor's told me was that it was common for first pregnancies (and now based on how many women I have talked to who have experienced this I agree). Then came pregnancy #2 and I tried to do everything right and the same scenario. Another baby lost at around 7 to 8 weeks gestation. Then came my son, the miracle that neither I nor the doctor's will every understand. I did everyhting the same for him as the others, took the vitamins and progesterone supplements and 9 months later we had a plump 9 pound 12 ounce boy full of life and energy. So of course I thought that I would not have any problems carrying babies after that. Because of graduate school we did not try again untill I was now in my 30s. I was devasted when I went in for my first ultrasound for pregnancy number 4 and at 6 weeks gestation there was no fetal development. And so I learned the definition of a blighted ovum. About one more year later another blighted ovum and then another. So when I got pregnant this last time I really did not have high expectations but there is always that hope that if my son made it into this world then maybe there is one more just waiting to have his or her chance. Blood tests showed that my HCG levels were low but at 6 weeks gestation the ultrasound tech was excited with me to see a fetal pole and a strong beating heartbeat. I went back two weeks later and that little heartbeat had fell silent. Now I cannot even begin to describe what that feels like to see your child's hear beating and then just like that it is gone, gone forever. All those hopes and dreams for what our family was going to look like next gone in a second.

I have spent the last few weeks doing a lot of sitting by myself and having some one-way conversations with God. To many involve the same thing, why, why, why me?! What did I do wrong? I have felt sad, angry, and at times strangely numb and apathetic. It did not really help that I had to go back to work at around this time. And that is something I am good at, good at doing my job and shoveing my feelings deep inside as if there is nothing wrong. Of course I have not received the answers to my questions. I want to know things. I want to know when does the soul enter the body. If it is when that heart starts beating then I sure hope that my babies get a second chance at experiencing this magnificant world. One thing I do know is that as hard as this is I am learning lessons every time. Reminders that life is not meant to be easy, there will be trials and tribulations and we do not get to choose what those things will be. All we can do is make the best out of the circumstances and the resources that we have. And certainly I am blessed. I find comfort in knowing that I have three beautiful children and I love them all the same, no matter how they entered into my world. I am blessed that I have a husband who would do anything for me and has made sacrifices during his own time of stress to take care of me. I am blessed that I have a understanding extended family. And I am blessed by my friends and church family who have stepped in to assist us in the last week when I have had some related medical issues (2 very expensive trips to the ER in one week and a spinal headache that I cannot even describe the pain on top of missed work without pay). I need to continue to take time for my body, my heart, and my soul to heal but I know that there is a plan for my life. We had already intended on adopting again so that our daughter would have a baby sister. When and were that will take place I don't yet know for sure but I definately feel that it is what we are meant to do out of this loss.

The Best Estimate of Correct Age?

2010-02-25T18:36:00.003-07:00

Well there is not one, but I do have a personal theory. Just a little note of caution, if your pediatrician does not have extensive experience in international adoption they will think your child is healthy and completely on track with their development as long as they are in the size range of the age that the adoption records indicate. The problem is what if the adoption records are wrong? I posted a long time ago about this issue with our daughter from Ethiopia. Our doc at the time thought she looked great and was exactly the age that we were told she was. Well, he was completely wrong. After multiple developmental evaluations, a burst in growth from good nutrition, and exams from the dentist we learned that she was at least 2 years older then we were told. I am glad I questioned it and did my research and did not back down, because she is now a happy well adjusted kindergartner who looks, acts, and thinks just like a typical 6 year old child. I cannot imagine if we had trusted the doctor, she would still be in preschool and would be towering over her peers and most likely extremely frustrated socially and intellectually. It is any wonder that early puberty is a phenomenon in internationally adopted girls?

So back to my original point of this post. Based on my own observations of each of my adopted children upon coming home and the results of the developmental evaluations that they received, the best predictor of their actual age was their fine motor skills. Fine motor skills are things like the ability to hold a pencil, unlock a child safety lock, pick up small objects and so forth. Now you would initially think that this would be a delayed area of development in a child who has lived in an orphanage but if you think about it it is not an area of development highly affected my malnutrition like physical size and gross motor skills are. Also even if a child is stuck to a physically confined space they most likely are going to explore things with there hands. Also children living in orphanages have to develop adaptive skills to care for themselves and this is where fine motor skills can develop while other areas may be delayed. So I would highly recommend that if you are trying to evaluate your child's age to meet with an occupational therapist. This is the specialist who assesses fine motor skills (as well as sensory issues, an area that your child probably will have some concerns in) and there are tests that can be done at a very young age to determine their standardized as well as comparative age when looking at what is the typical ability level of same age peers. An evaluation from an experienced OT can be obtained through any outpatient hospital OT department, an internationally adoption clinic, or you can receive a free developmental screening through your local school district.

One test that I do not trust because it was wrong for our daughter is a Bone-Age Scan. This is the test that your doctor will recommend to you and it is when they take a picture of the child's wrist and hand. The problem is that the test does not take into consideration the impact of long-term malnutrition on growth and there is plenty of evidence to show that malnutrition will in fact cause delayed growth and in some cases the child will even display a growth hormone deficiency (which our little guy has tested positive for). Also the standard deviation for the bone-age scan is rather large, so no you cannot pinpoint the exact age of your child from this test (regardless of what the doctor tells you). Here is the truth about bone-age scans:

The standards in the Greenish and Pyle Atlas are derived from a study of healthy white middle-class children in the Cleveland area in the United States in the years 1931 to 1942. The study consisted of 6,879 hand radiographs from boys and girls. The ages ranged from 3 months to 16 years for girls and to 17 years for boys at the time of the radiographs. In the Greulich and Pyle Atlas a table is used to provide means and standard deviations for skeletal age1. At the time of its development Greulich and Pyle did not consider the estimation of chronological age as a potential use of their data and Atlas. Their original work was used to identify possible growth disorders, malformations and bone abnormalities.

This info came from a good article about determining chronological age in internationally adopted children written by Cec Pederson, 2004. You can access it on the web at http://eprints.usq.edu.au/3839/1/Pedersen_Chronological_age_determination.pdf

I Miss the Green

2010-02-21T22:09:00.001-07:00

We are buried in snow here in CO and I really miss the green of Rwanda! I think I have mentioned before, that despite growing up in North Dakota, I really do not like the snow or the cold. So right now, I LOVE this picture, it is very zen. It did not even catch my eye the first few times I went through our pics. It was taken at Akagera National Park. So simple and so beautiful.

2010 South African World Cup Theme Song

2010-02-18T10:43:00.006-07:00

A few weeks ago we were flipping channels and stumbled upon a mesmorizing performance by a unique hip hop/reggae artist on PBS, of all places. His name was K'naan, meaning "traveller" and he was born and raised in Mogadishu, Somali living there during the start of the Somali civil war. To make a long story short his family was eventually able to move to Canada where he taught himself English by phonetically copying rap lyrics. He eventually caught the attention of a Senegalese singer when K'naan performed a poetic piece to the UN criticizing their failed aid missions in Somalia. One thing led to another and he is now a major worldwide artist being compared by some to Bob Marley. Here is a video of his song "Wavin' Flag" which is going to be used by Coca Cola as their theme song for this year's World Cup in South Africa. Pretty cool. I really like the song because I think it well represents all the children throughout the world affected by war and the hope for peace.

And if you are like me, a little dual personality, here is a totally different version of the song:

Long Thoughts on CBS Ethiopian Adoption Scam Story

2010-02-17T12:57:00.005-07:00

Have you seen this story that aired on the Monday evening news on CBS? Here is the link to watch it, if you have not seen it: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=6211026n Just a FYI that it is similar to a story that was aired about the same adoption agency last year. Although the previous story made some stretches in their reporting and some unfair accusations. They basically hinted that the reason why Ethiopian adoption had exploded was due to Angelina Jolie (ignoring the fact that other international programs had shut down) and accused the government of profiting from adoptions. They also had some inaccurate facts regarding how an orphan is defined by the government. That story made me so mad that I decided to ignore it all together. I hate sensationalistic journalism, especially when it threatens people's opinion of my very family and the future of legitimate orphans. Anyways, for this story CBS seems to do a much better job of focusing on this single case and this specific agency.

So I have been debating on whether or not to respond and finally decided that I needed to get my thoughts of my chest. My first thought is why the heck can't the media ever portray positive stories of adoption? Are we really that starved for more news about corruption and loss? Even during adoption awareness month it is not uncommon for major news stations to portray families with adopted children with attachment and behavior problems. Now that I got that off my chest the thing is that I do believe that corruption is happening in Ethiopian adoption. Let me preface though, that I know my daughter's adoption was completely ethical and legitimate. How do I know this? Because we used a very reputable and ethical adoption agency called Children's Home Society and Family Services. They currently have one of the longest wait times for the referral of a female infant and for good reason. Because they follow the correct process for every child that they match with an adoptive family. The reality is that in Ethiopia the children who are most in need of adoption are not healthy infants. As far as our experience in Ethiopia, we were able to meet a member of our daughter's birth family and this person was sincere is telling us that if she was not put up for adoption she would die. This was the hardest meeting I have ever had with a person in my life. We were all in tears, including the interpretor. I am not going to tell you the specifics of her story, to protect her history for her, but I will say that at age 4 years old she weighed only 24 pounds. She also sadly bears the scars of multiple desperate attempts to heal her many illnesses.

So one thing to look for in a reputable Ethiopian adoption agency is whether or not they arrange birth family meetings and if they have an active pre and post adoption support network. The interesting thing is that the US government, the very same entity that is quick to question whether a child is a legitimate orphan tried to shut down the birth family meetings in Ethiopia, saying that US law does not permit a birth parent who has relinquished their child to have any contact with the child afterwards. Now I understand the concern that it would not be right for adoptive parents to have regular post adoption contact and especially to provide financial support to the family as that would constitute the appearance of "paying off a family". This is the part of international adoption that the general public does not understand. I once saw an article in Parenting Magazine about an international adoptive family that had maintained regular contact with their child's birth family many years after the adoption and was financially supporting the family. I was shocked that the article was featured in a major US magazine and that they did not understand that this was against international adoption ethics as well as US immigration rules. So it only takes one major mistake to shut down an entire country's adoption program. And unfortunately the US based agency featured in this news article was obviously not following ethical adoption practices. Recruiting children for adoption form intact birth families is never acceptable. Especially when those families live in a third world country and are desperate for help and do not understand the long term consequences. I fear that they are not the only agency doing this however. When I researched Ethiopian adoption a year after our daughter was home and we were looking into a second adoption I learned that there had been a drastic spike in the number of abandoned babies in Ethiopia. The reason this does not make sense is that it is legal to relinquish your child for adoption (unlike Rwanda). There had an also been a disproportionate number of female infants being adopted out of Ethiopia. Add this to the high number of agencies working in Ethiopia, with few regulations, and the high increase in the number of Ethiopian adoptions and something did not feel right. You do not have to search too far on the adoption chat boards to find stories of adoptive families, as well as birth families in Ethiopia, who claim that they were not fully informed of what it meant to give a child up for adoption and facts about the children that did not add up.

Now I pray that Ethiopian adoption is not shut down and that the children who need families get them. I also pray that vulnerable mothers and fathers in Ethiopia are not being manipulated into giving their children away when they do have the means to care for them and raise them in their birth country. I know that there are many reputable agencies that are doing the right thing, so please if you are considering adopting from Ethiopia do your research. You may also want to consider an alternative African country like Rwanda, Lesotho, Uganda, Ghana, or the Democratic Republic of the Congo. We choose Rwanda because all the children residing in the orphanage (1 orphanage which the government allows adoption from) are true orphans and "waiting" children by definition. The older children have lived most of their lives at the orphanage and they were all abandoned, because in Rwanda it is illegal to relinquish your child. They will actually seek out and prosecute a parent that abandons their child if they can find them. So I guess in summary, as hard as it is, as international adoptive parents we do need to educate ourselves about unethical practices and do our research, for the sake of our children, their birth families, and our own family.

* Just for the record, and to the "anonymous" person who tried posting a comment that it is illegal for agencies to arrange birth family meetings in Ethiopia, it is in fact not illegal but yes does need to be done under careful and supervised circumstances. If the anonymous poster would like to lead my readers to this law in Ethiopia that says that birth parent meetings are illegal then feel free to repost with your identity and your source of legal information. If it was illegal then how could many large and reputable adoption agencies continue these meetings?

Keep a Child Alive

2010-02-15T22:11:00.002-07:00

I watched a documentary tonight called "We are Together" http://us.wearetogether.org/ about a group of orphans residing at Agape Child Care Center in South Africa. They were a inspiring group of kids affected by the AIDS epidemic in South Africa who with some help put together a music cd. At the end of the film was a plug for a organization called "Keep a Child Alive" http://keepachildalive.org/, which provides life saving anti-retroviral medications, care, education and food to HIV positive youth in South Africa, Kenya, Rwanda, Uganda, and India. They look like a great organization and on the home page of their website they are featuring a chance to be one of 5 individuals who will accompany Alicia Keys on her second trip back to South Africa. All you have to do to enter, is text ALIVE to 90999 to donate $5 to the organization.

Video: Our Journey to Leo

2010-02-13T00:48:00.008-07:00

Here is our Rwanda adoption video. Turn off the music player at the bottom of the blog so that they are not playing over each other. But you will notice that I must really like that first song on my playlist!

Nightime Diapering Solution and $10 Coupon Code

2010-02-10T22:21:00.008-07:00

Our little guy is a super soaker at night and has frequently woken up with a mess when he has a loose stool very early in the morning. I was using a double layer Indian Cotton prefold diaper with two hemp inserts and a diaper cover and it still was not holding it all in. So I did some research and ordered three Fuzzi Bunz Perfect Fit Diapers. They are q super soft diaper, water proof on the outside and micro fleece in the inside. They have a pocket that you put in the super absorbent insert that comes with the diaper. I added two Hemp inserts as well and it was seriously a miracle. No wetting and no poopy leaks in the morning. Fuzzi Bunz also makes a one-size diaper that will fit babies from 8-35 pounds but I went with the perfect fit because it runs larger and will fit him over 45 pounds if he is still bed wetting past potty training.

So if anyone wants to stock up on cloth diapers or other supplies for yourself or as a baby/adoption gift. I received a notice today from Diapers.com that they are running a Valentines special. If you enter my coupon referral code KNEU4359 when you check-out online you can save $10 off your order. That is twice the discount of their typical new customer offer. And you will also be helping me out as I will receive a $10 credit for diapers.com. I sure could use the credit to stock up on some more Fuzzi Bunz which will keep my little guy rash and leak free! We are honestly broke after this last adoption and so anything helps!
Diapers.com also carries BumGenius One Size diapers, G-Diapers, and Kushies as well as disposables and other baby accessories. The special runs through the end of February.

This link takes you straight to their cloth diapers:

http://www.diapers.com/Product/SubCategory.aspx?CategoryId=3&CategoryName=Diapering&SubCategoryId=115&SubCategoryName=Cloth+Diapers&QueryFrom=SUBCATEGORY&PageIndex=1

How to Help After Homecoming

2010-02-05T11:36:00.006-07:00

Update: Two wise adoptive moms have left comments to this post. I first want to thank them for backing me up on this information. I have, on occasion, got the sense that some parents did not really like to hear the reality of the hard experiences, so THANK YOU for being honest with your own stories as well. I have copied their comments onto the bottom of this post.

There are nine families on their way home this weekend from Kenya with their beautiful new children from Rwanda. It has been interesting watching their travels as they had a rather different experience then us. Something I have been meaning to blog about is the often not discussed issue of homecoming. Regardless of how easy or difficult a family's time in country obtaining their child is they will experience bumps when they get home. Yes, it is easier for some then others depending on so many factors; the age of the child, the number of children adopted, gender, health, personality, prior quality of care, the children already home and the family's level of preparation prior to travel. There is something called post-adoption depression and I think it is more common then adoptive parents (mainly mothers because they usually are the primary caretakers upon arrival home), want to admit. But the reality is that after 12 months of completing paperwork and background checks and saving and fundraising that homecoming is often not the wonderful, peaceful experience that one might have hoped it to be. A good social worker will educate adoptive parents about this but often no matter how prepared they are it is still dang hard.

At minimum after arriving home the family will be exhausted and jet lagged. Often the adopted kidos may sleep unusually well and not show any problematic behaviors for the first few weeks. But after they recover their energy and get settled the most challenging period of adjustment begins. Again this varies greatly, some families may not have any issues. For sure though if they have welcomed a child over the age of 2 years into their home they are going to have to work through some behaviors and difficult adjustment at times. There are also specific medical issues that need to be dealt with when a child is adopted from Africa such as parasites, GI issues, and malnutrition. If a child has lived in a orphanage for a extended time (more then 6 months) then they probably are going to have developmental delays as well.

So basically what I am saying is that the first few months home are a critical period for the new family and they will need the support and understanding of their family, friends, coworkers and community. At this same time parents will need time to focus on what is called "attachment parenting". If extended family and friends do not understand what that means their can be tension during visits and the relationship between the adoptive family and child can be compromised. Here are some basic recommendations that I am providing to family, friends, coworkers, church members, neighbors, anyone who wants to help a family who has just arrived home with a internationally adopted child (I think it is a bit different for domestic or foster/adopt but you may be able to relate). Some of these we have received and others I wish we would have. I will say though, that it was interesting to me the differences in how people responded to the birth of our son, versus the adoption of our daughter, and then the adoption of our second son. I will let you decide what I might mean by that.

First and foremost treat everything about the adoption as you would have if the family had given birth. Hold a baby shower, make welcome signs, send them balloons (avoid latex as they are serious choking hazards) or flowers. If you send a gift, wrap it in baby paper or appropriate paper for a older child. This is a time to celebrate the same that you would if the child was a newborn birth child. This may vary by age of the adopted child, but I think that ALL children deserve to be celebrated and I know that the parents would really appreciate the thought. It is a once in a lifetime experience.
Also really important is to ask them what they need help with, you might be surprised.
Offer to drop off or pick them up at the airport (airport parking is very expensive)
Stock their fridge and cupboards just before they get home, you have no idea how good a diet coke (no diet pop their) and fresh vegetables (can't eat fresh vegetables) taste after being in Africa.
Bring them a hot meal the first night home, even better deliver a hot meal every night for the first week home.
Clean their house for them or hire someone to do it just before they come home, have it done again a few weeks later (when things really start to get tough).
Offer to babysit any other children in the home so that they can get some much needed attention and parents can have some one on one with the new one/s.
Offer to give rides to older children who may need to get to activities.
If it is winter go shovel their driveway and sidewalks.
Offer to run errands for the family or to go to the store (Having to take my screaming toddler to the store, and having everyone stare at me has been one of my worst post adoption experiences)
Simply lend a open ear, encourage the new mom to be open and honest about her feelings and needs. Take her out for a break, a cup of coffee or a nice lunch.
This one is REALLY important so I am leaving it for last: During any visits that happen in the first few months be respectful of the adoptive parents wishes regarding feeding, holding, and comforting the child. A child who has lived in a orphanage has passed through the hands of MANY caregivers and it is crucial that they learn to go to their new parents as the sole primary caregivers in the beginning. It would not have been normal for our oldest son to jump on the lap of a complete stranger at the age of 2 years and as hard as it is to understand you are a stranger to this child. So just ask the parents what the "rules" are. It may vary by household and how involved you are with the family. My personal preference for this issue is fairly conservative, I did not want anyone else holding, comforting or feeding my adopted kids for the first two months home. Especially for my son since we went through a period of him rejecting having a mommy. For a toddler in particular, if the parent has taken something away from the kido and they start screaming it would not be o.k. for a different person to then confuse the child by comforting him or her. You see what I mean, this can be complicated so if you are not sure just ask.

That certainly is not a extensive list of how to help but I think this got long enough. Any questions? Feel free to leave a comment and I will do my best to answer.
Comments:
Kari,
I'm a new reader to your blog. Congratulations on your family. You hit the nail on the head with this post. The adopted child has to learn to love and trust their new parents. The experience isn't a Hallmark card. It's hard. Very hard.
We adopted our son from Guatemala three years ago. The first few months home, we limited visitors and outings outside the home. We kept his world small. We also held him all the time. All. The. Freakin. Time. Skin-to-skin contact is so important. So is fostering eye contact.
Our "rules" upset a lot of people, including grandparents. But it had to be done and I kept myself from letting guilt beat down my resolve.
Moms and dad, especially moms, expect angels singing on high. We've grown to love this child in our hearts and it's so hard when the child rejects his new mommy and displays typical, normal, totally appropriate adjustment behaviors. Add illnesses and jet lag on top of it all and the entire family is in for a ride.
What I had to learn was that this was not about me. This was not about me not being a good mom or my son rejecting me as his caregiver.
The child is scared out of his wits. Everything changed in a blink of an eye and he or she can't communicate. Smell, taste, language, everything is different. Of course he's going to freak. I would, too.
I hope all perspective adoptive parents educate themselves about what the first three months home will be like. I hope they tell their families the rules for attachment. And I hope they have support. Sometimes a new mom needs to call another mom who's been there for a hug, a good cry or the chance to get out of the house.
Thank you!

Thanks for the helpful suggestions on how to support parents post adoption. I wish I had the list and given it to my friends and family before bringing our children home! Though people were for the most part very supportive, there was a marked difference between how my bio son was welcomed and how his adopted siblings were. I would like to give the benefit of doubt and believe it was because it was not my first child, the novelty had worn off, but I think I have a suspicion people would have been more helpful if I was adding three bio infants within three months of each other. I certainly needed more support then, than when I had my first, but I certainly got more support with my first. I think it is so hard for non-adoptive friends and family to really get that for an adoptive parent, the adopted child is just as longed for, wanted and loved as bio children. I am more sensitive now to the needs of adoptive parents and I am always looking for opportunities to be a support in the first few weeks home.

Little Leo Turns 3

2010-02-02T23:26:00.005-07:00

Our little Leo turned 3 today. February 2nd was his estimated birth date from the orphanage and on his Rwanda medical records. We kept the celebration simple, a GI friendly dinner of chicken and rice, cake, and presents at home with just the five of us. He is not yet interested in a lot of toys but I found a small and durable remote control car for toddlers that he just pushed one button on the remote and it makes it work (New toys at Target in the "special toys" section). He was fascinated that the car moved and chased it around the living room then dad taught him how to drive it which was even more amusing because he screamed every time it moved.

The day was a little bittersweet however. I wish I knew his birth story, I wish I knew what he looked like when he was born and how much he weighed. I wish I could have seen all his firsts. I wish I had a baby picture of him. These things we will never have answers to but I will do my best to tell him his story when he is ready. My daughter likes to tease my eldest son about being a fat baby and then she asks me what she looked like when she was born. I tell her what I do not know but what was probably true, that she was so tiny and so beautiful. I then explain that while she did not grow in my tummy like her big brother did, she grew in a even more special way, she grew in my heart. And that is where Leo entered my life. The emotions that I went through and are still going through with him are very much like pregnancy and childbirth. And so today I can only imagine what we do not know.

Please Pray for Leo

2010-01-31T13:35:00.004-07:00

Update: Thank you everyone for the info! They did test him for Celiac disease at the Children's Hospital and it was negative. I may try decreasing his gluten intake anyway as he probably is just not used to it. I think they ate primary rice, beans, eggs, bananas, maybe potatoes at the orphanage. I love the goat's milk idea and had never thought of it. He refuses to drink either soy milk or lactose free milk formula. One sip and the sippy cup is thrown to the side!

Our son's gastrointestinal issues are not at all improving. I have put him on probiotics and have him on the Brat Diet (mostly) plus eliminated all dairy products. We have completed three treatments for parasites thus I really hoped that things would get better. However, the last three days he is worse, way worse. He has woken up everyone morning with "blow-outs" and big messes for mom to clean up. They then continue on and off all day. This has been going on for the entire 7 weeks that he has been in our care and probably much longer. I am worried that he is going to end up dehydrated because he is getting more and more picky about what he will drink. At the same time we are worried about his nutrition since he has a growth hormone deficiency. I am fearful that until we get his gastro problems resolved he will never be able to maintain enough nutrition to start producing growth hormone again. I looked at the Pediasure and all the other nutrition drinks and they all have dairy in them so those are not a option. We are following up with his local doc this week, then will see a gastro specialist but I have this sense that they are not going to have any easy or quick answers.

To top off the frustration his doctor signed a letter for my employer saying that he cannot be in childcare yet for various reasons. I turned it into our HR who then took it to the committee who makes decisions about granting pay out of the temporary leave bank. And guess what they denied my application to the leave bank?! They did not feel that his medical issue was significant enough for me to receive pay out of the medical temporary leave bank which I am a member of. What do they think that I am making this up? Not only is he possibly still contagious, but he is malnourished and at risk for anemia and dehydration thus he is on a extremely limited diet. I would really like one of them to come to my house to deal with this and wash the cloth diapers. Yes, cloth diapers despite gastro problems, I know I am crazy but I can't stand the thought of all those disposables sitting in a landfill and we have successfully avoided any diaper rash issues.

Ok. so if anyone has any suggestions as to a diet other then the Brat diet I would be open to anything at this point.

New Badge for Blog, Getting High Tech!

2010-01-30T00:47:00.001-07:00

I created a blog badge. What do you think? It is a bit blurry for some reason but oh well. I think it turned out well for my first attempt. If anyone knows how to add the handy gadget where you can post the html code for others to copy can you drop me the instructions? I don't see it in the blogger gadgets and when I type the code into a text box it shows up as the pic on the blog.

Buy a Raffle Ticket Now for the DRC and Haiti!

2010-01-28T13:43:00.002-07:00

Go to this blog for your chance to win a ONE WEEK stay at a condo on the beach in Destin, Florida. The raffle tickets are only $10 and ALL proceeds are being split between a organization in Haiti and a orphanage in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The fundraiser ends today so you do not have much time. Their goal is to reach $4,000 and they are only a few hundred dollars short!

http://terryhousehold.blogspot.com/

Remaining "Almost Adopted" Orphans Blocked from Leaving Haiti

2010-01-26T11:01:00.005-07:00

Just received this Press Release from FHG. You can read it to understand the situation. I completely understand that the Haitian government wants to protect children from being exited from the country if they are not true orphans and already in the adoption process. Organizations such as Save the Children and UNICEF who have on multiple occasions posted anti-adoption statements appear to be heavily involved in this situation as well. What I wonder is why increase the regulations for children who already have paperwork processed? I hope that someone is watching the border for children who may be illegally being transported by trucks and boats at night and sold as child slaves. Those are the kids who need protection right now!

Orphans Blocked From Departing Haiti

Undefined Haitian exit procedures halts departure of humanitarian paroled orphans (Port-au-Prince, Haiti) Seventy-nine of the 106 children from Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage, who were granted humanitarian parole, arrived in Florida on Saturday, January 23rd. The Haitian Government has blocked the remaining 27 children, including the adopted son of the For His Glory (FHG) Adoption Outreach President, Kim Harmon, from departing Port-au-Prince. In a surprise announcement, Haitian Prime Minister Bellerive stated that all future cases of humanitarian parole would have to complete an exit process with his office. He has not yet defined this exit process so no action can be taken to bring the remaining children to their adoptive parents in the United States.

The Maison des Enfants de Dieu orphanage staff announced that they soon would be accepting 30 children orphaned since the January 12th earthquake. Over the past week, the orphanage has received numerous requests to take newly orphaned children. In one instance alone, it was asked to accept 70 orphans. The orphanage and FHG remain firmly committed to the children and the people of Haiti. Pat Flowers, an FHG board member who has been in Haiti this past week consulting with the orphanage staff, agreed, "we must act responsibly in accepting new orphans to ensure that we will have sufficient supplies and facilities to care for these children." Pat explained that not only is each child, who is united with adoptive parents, helped, but much-needed space is opened up at the orphanage to help other children. He added, "The need in Port-au-Prince is great." Kim Harmon reiterated the need to quickly complete the departure process of the remaining 27 children, who have been granted humanitarian parole. She stated "These children have adoptive families waiting to care for them in the United States. The faster we resolve the departure issue, the quicker we will be able to reach out to those unfortunate children in Port-au-Prince who now have no one."

FHG urges adoptive parents, supporters and all those concerned about the welfare of the orphans in Haiti to contact their Congressmen, Senators, Governors and the White House to urge the Secretary of State to quickly resolve this issue with Prime Minister Bellerive. FHG is a ministry to the people and children of Haiti. Our ministry is dedicated to fundraising and assisting the orphanage, Maison des Enfants de Dieu, in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. For previous press releases and updates visit http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/.

One Month Home

2010-01-25T22:15:00.007-07:00

We have been home now for over a month and Leo has been in our custody for over 6 weeks. We have definitely experienced ups and downs as we transition into our new routine. I am not going to sugar coat it because honestly adopting a toddler boy is no easy task. I am so grateful that this is our second adoption experience. There have been many struggles that I was prepared for but there have also been some things that have thrown me for a loop. There are some adoption books out there that try to give names to the different phases that you will go through as you adjust, the honeymoon phase, the transition phase, the testing phase, etc. I am not so sure that it happens that smoothly, it is a whole lot more like a spiral where you make some progress in one area only to fall back a little in another but then to spiral back up again. The hope of course is that you keep moving up and I think we are. So here is the low down on the big subjects that keep coming up when people ask me questions about how we are doing:

Communication: While in Rwanda our son said very little and when he would talk he would whisper. I would right away ask someone what he said in Kinyarwanda and often they would say that what he said did not make sense. I did not think much of it then. Since being home he talks all the time. I am usually able to make out what he wants through his gestures and facial expressions. His brother and sister are not as in tuned to reading his clues and so he tends to do more yelling at them which can be frustrating for everyone. We were a little worried when we had a appointment at the Denver Children's Hospital and the interpreter there said that he just was not making much sense. However he is now learning new English words every day and is spontaneously using about 10-12 English words on a regular basis. My theory is that the kids at the orphanage had a partially made up language.

Medical/Physical: The biggest concern has been loose stools ever since he has been with us, not a single normal one. I will spare the details of what that means. We have treated him with meds three times now for two different parasites and have him on a vitamin with iron. The meds made it worse but even after there has been no improvement. He also tested positive for a actual human growth hormone deficiency. The IAC only picked up on it because when I reported what I thought was his "real" age to the IAC and gave them his growth record from the orphanage they charted it and noticed that he has not been making steady growth in height. He is only at or below the 5th percentile. He was also at the 5th percentile in weight at his last measurement at the orphanage but has already gained a whopping 6 pounds in the last 2 months so he is up to the 25th percentile in weight. We will be following up with a endocrinologist but hope that with improved nutrition he will start producing growth hormone again. We will have to do another stool sample (our 4th!) to see if the nasty parasites are finally gone and we are waiting on his Hep C test result because despite it being negative in Rwanda it came back inconclusive in the US. We are filling him with probiotics and have him on a limited diet in the hopes that his intestinal lining just needs repair. Most likely we will probably be seeing a gastro doc to further investigate the stomach problem. I am worried that untill his digestive problems are taken care of his growth will not improve.

Attachment/Bonding: While in Rwanda he went through a phase of rejecting mom and wanting only dad to hold him. He also did not want to be carried in the Ergo towards the end of our trip however now that we are home he is showing a mild preference to mom since I am home with him and he rides in the Ergo no problem when needed. He still seems to be a little insecure as he will go through phases of wanting to be held all the time and being very demanding. At home he continues to want to be right at my side and will follow me from room to room when I am doing chores. We have not really noticed anything of concern or out of the ordinary for what would be expected the first few months home.

Sleep: This is the biggest challenge at this point. He will lay down easily beside me for a nap but at bedtime he becomes very hypervigilent. He will not stay in his own bed which I expected. In one attempt we put the side back on the crib (currently set up like a toddler bed) and he immediately completed a expert swing out of the crib! In Rwanda, Ethiopia and the first few weeks home he slept in bed with us all night. I then started moving him into his own bed in his sister's room after falling asleep but he started having night terrors and waking up. So now his bed in in our room and I roll him over after he falls asleep. The hope is that he will get more and more used to his bed and develop enough trust that he can eventually fall asleep in his own bed and move him to the other room.

Behaviors: He is definitely a toddler and is demanding in that if he wants something he will yell right away or have a tantrum. He also is fairly active and gets into everything in the house, I mean EVERYTHING. He has put my make-up on, tried washing towels down the toilet, dumped the food out of the fridge, crawls in the dryer and tries to shut himself in. Thankfully we found a special lock for the dryer but it seems that no amount of safety proofing would be enough as he has figured out how to open the cabinet locks. The doorknob covers have helped the most in simply keeping him out of certain rooms. That said he is also very playful and has a good sense of humor. He prefers to play with others and does not like being by himself (a good sign actually). When he does have a trantrum he gets over it quickly and will want to be picked up and comforted.
Similarities between adoption experiences:

Both went through a phase in country, the first few days in our custody where there was little eye contact, not a lot of activity, very reserved and very few attempts at communication. I suppose we could call this the "afraid because they just gave me to these crazy strangers phase"!
Both went through a honeymoon phase the first few weeks home, sleeping all night (probably because they were so tired) and overall few behavior problems. Then moved into testing the limits and being afraid to fall asleep on own or to sleep in own bed the first few months home.
Both began repeating and then spontaneously using English words a few weeks simply from being exposed fully to a new language and without any direct teaching.

So there it is, if you are adopting a toddler and want to know what to expect, both of our experiences have been pretty similar except our son is much more active and gets into things a whole lot more requiring a lot of intervention. Our daughter did not have the stomach problems but was also treated for parasites. She was also tiny, looked to be the age that they said (2/3) but with a dental and developmental exam we confirmed that she was at least 2 years older (just lost her 7/8 year front teeth at her now corrected age of 6). So makes me wonder if she also had a growth hormone deficiency but the docs never tested her for it. Yes, you live and learn as a adoptive parent!

Florida and Colorado Homecomings

2010-01-24T11:58:00.005-07:00

Update: The CO children arrived safely to the Denver airport on Sunday to very relieved parents!

Great news! All paperwork was completed the end of last week for 82 children from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage. The children were boarded onto a plane headed for Florida yesterday in two groups. A portion of the children in the first group have parents waiting for them in CO and so they were escorted by medical staff from the Denver Children's Hospital onto Denver. Good for the Children's Hospital to step up and assist! We have received very good care for both of our adopted children from the Denver Children's Hospital outpatient surgery center and International Adoption Clinic so I know that these kids were in great hands. I am so excited for these children and families. One of the reasons that we switched away from the Haiti adoption program was that several years ago they were having a very hard time getting the kids home to the US. I was just to emotionally vulnerable at the time to take the risk. So it is truly a miracle that in the middle of such a tragedy that these children were able to so quickly be placed with their adoptive families, some of them just referred. Here is the actual Press Release:

Orphans Bound for U.S. in Two Groups

Eighty-two orphans will depart Haiti on Saturday (Port-au-Prince, Haiti) All paperwork has been completed for 82 children from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage and they have clearance to travel to the United States. These 82 children are scheduled to depart Port-au-Prince airport on Saturday, January 23, 2010, at around 11:00 a.m. on an aircraft bound for Florida. Those children with Colorado adoptive parents in this first group, will continue on to Colorado, accompanied by a medical team from the Colorado Children's Hospital. Orphanage staff and representatives of the U.S. ministry, For His Glory Adoption Outreach (FHG) will continue to work with U.S. Embassy officials for humanitarian parole and travel clearance for the remaining eligible children. FHG hopes that these children will receive their clearance sometime on Saturday, January 23, 2010, with a departure date and time still to be determined. Kim Harmon, President of FHG, wanted to express her gratitude to the staff of the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince for their tireless efforts in processing the paperwork for all the children. Kim reminded adoptive parents and supporters to "continue in steadfast prayer for the children who are traveling tomorrow and for those who remain in Haiti." FHG is a ministry to the people and children of Haiti. Our ministry is dedicated to fundraising and assisting the orphanage, Maison des Enfants de Dieu, in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. For previous press releases and updates visit http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/.